My 91 yo mother has dementia and is lately begun getting anxiety over being left alone though she never is. She wont sleep at night, she wont relax during the day, all she does is complain about something that hurts, whether its dry eyes, or her leg aches from the weather, or her arm aches. She doesnt let me breathe for five minutes and I cant take much more. I am losing my temper and I say things that I dont really mean but I cant help it sometimes. I just want my freedom back. Meanwhile I have two older sisters who are useless! One of them couldnt care less about my mother and puts it all on me which is making me resentful. The other wont listen when I tell her how I am feeling because she is at work while I have take some time off and I am not getting any understanding from anyone. I dont know how much more I can take! Does anyone have similiar issues and if so how are you dealing with this? I am totally burned out and stressed out. I just have to vent so I am heard. I cant afford therapy now and I just need to voice this to non judgmental people who get it. Thank You.

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Hi, I wish there were some easy answers or solutions for this. My mother in law is 97 and came to live with us two years ago. For a while when she first came here she did the same thing for a period of time. She was calling us constantly and half the time she couldn't even say what the problem was. She gets Tramadol and Tylenol every morning for her various aches and pains so we started not responding to her excessive complaining and calls since there was nothing more we could do. We developed a routine for her and we try to never change it. Even though she can't remember it's her routine it has somehow calmed her down to where she hardly complains of aches and pains anymore. I'm probably jinxing myself here. We do everything for her but showers and her shower person is the only one we can leave her with if we have to go somewhere so we are almost always at home with her. Due to our situation all but one of our friends has forgotten us and family avoids us. You are pretty isolated when you are a caregiver and I understand how you feel. Outsiders just can't imagine what you are dealing with. My husband and I have each other but that is also taking a toll on our relationship. I think the hardest thing about all this for me is not having an end date for it all. We had that with her previous stays with us. At 97 and nothing wrong with her she could live well into her 100's and I don't know how we will get through it. It's gotten a little easier for us since we stopped constantly trying to "fix" her. There is only so much you can do and then you have to take a break, step away and not think about her at all whenever you can. It's hard but necessary for your own health. Just know you are not alone and there are a lot of people here that understand what you are dealing with. I raised an Autistic child so I think some of that prepared me for this situation the main difference being my child had the capacity to improve and my mother in law does not. She is calmer though.
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Mirtazapine really helped my mom with the unspecified aches and pains and other problems that turned out to be essentially anxiety. It helped her sleep at night too.
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