She's "normal" on the outside but having serious cognitive problems/in denial. A little background: we are dealing with my mother-in-law. She's 74, lived in WA for many years and now lives in a house on our property in TX. She's always been a little quirky and odd and as she has now been diagnosed with mixed dementia (AD and vascular), she is manifesting quite a few symptoms. Her short term memory is a problem (the only problem she'll admit to) and her balance is starting to go - not uncommon with vascular dementia. I guess she'll also admit to balance issues but is convinced that has something to do with vertigo (she doesn't have vertigo) or other imagined issues - anything but dementia. She's narcissistic (as I note a number of similar parents on this board are). Since she's not driving any more (a recent potentially serious accident triggered a loss of drivers license as well as the appointments with neurologists). We have POA now (completed last week) and obviously can maneuver the paperwork however we want, but still want to involve her in the process as we are firmly persuaded that being with people would be very good for her (as opposed to the relative isolation of our rural property). As we are only 25 minutes from the center of a large city, there are options, although we do have financial constraints. Our frustration is just dealing with her on a daily basis. She's demanding, argumentative and (generally) unappreciative - even though she would vigorously disagree with that statement. Her daughter has a very demanding profession and even though she is often working from a home office, is unavailable to her mother until dinner time - a concept that's difficult to understand for my mother-in-law (she's here so why won't she see me?). I work on our property and resent the fact that as soon as I'm visible through the windows of her house, my mother-in-law is in the midst of what I'm doing, even when I have to run her off because I'm operating dangerous machinery. Her cognitive impairment coupled with her narcissism means that when she wants to talk with someone, she gets very sulky when they are unavailable. it's gotten to the point where I neglect outside chores and activities just to avoid her. While we are looking for an AL facility, the choices are somewhat limiting because of finances. She makes just enough to not qualify for medicaid but not enough to pay for something decent. Home care in this rural area is impossible - we've tried and tried and even when we get someone, they don't last more than once or twice because of their own disorganized personal situation.
I'm guess I'm just reaching out to get conversation going in the hopes that one of you will see something and comment on something that was helpful in your situation - and that your idea or thought will be useful in ours. Thanks for "listening".