How do I deal with sibling who gave me nothing but grief in the recent past?

I'd let them come and bring dinner. I'd also plan a night out or a day away for myself if the situation allows for it. Don't let them or situation control you. I'd let them know ASAP when would be an appropriate time for a visit and that them bring a meal or cooking a meal is "very thoughtful." Take the high ride with them outwardly even though we all know they are difficult or don't do enough, etc. They will be gone soon enough. I think if you not allow them to control you, you will find this situation not so difficult. Simply politely assert yourself for you and your relative's benefit. This will also set precedent for future issues going forward where your relative wants to step in. Go see a movie, have dinner with a friend, find something enjoyable to do when they visit and return at appropriate time. Remember to take care of yourself.😃

this is happening to me also. i have two good for nothing brothers! i let them have their relationship with our parents...and when the one that is far worse than the other visits...i leave while he's in the house!

Because of greed,lack of help,back stabbing,calling the police on me,making me get a lawyer and spend thousands of my retirement money ,lying and a myriad of other things my wife and I put up with caring for my mother I cut part of my family loose.If I never see them again it will be too soon.

Your situation doesn't seem as extreme as my experience but it can turn into it especially if the other family members are only interested in your Dad's bank account.

I agree with Anonymous205537; more information on your part.
I can GUESS what you might men, as I'm a caregiver to my mom, who has dementia. My siblings don't visit or call but they all live out-of-state. A card or phone call to mom would be nice and I've asked them to contribute that but, no. I'm in this by myself and I could be resentful but choose to keep mom happy as possible. It's all about her care, safety and happiness. That's the focus.

I don't advise keeping a journal of "wrongs". It will just add to negative thoughts and energy, even when they're not there. I also have experience that parentsdo play a role in sibs not getting along.

Not much info. But I think I have similar. Its the disruption to fit their sudden or even short plan in. In my case since its sibling and listed as alternate should I resign or be unable. They have decided they do not like how I have manage mymothers finances. Trying to take over and block me from half her CDs that have matured, saying my management has lost her money. Not selling her paid for house, not appliying for VA benefits sooner, took a financial gift from her knowing she was looking for a home of assited living because of beggining dementia, and I knew she might eventually need that money. Huge stress , mom in hosptal now ready for discharge and doc says she needs hospice care, assited living says she cannot come back because they cannot accomodate a fall risk patient even if it may only be temp. I might hav a 1st months rent for a new more expensive facility. I want to just move her home and try to take care of her myself to see if she might improve. I will not allow the others to see her. Its not going to be a partial check towards her CDs , I am POA and executor, I dont care if its only a nickle they are not going to give me 2 cents instead. They have continued to suggest this that other and where is her money going ? Im tired of trying to be a good and sharing brother to keep them informed, they are becoming public enemy #1. They have said they hired an attorney to take custody once , then turned around and said they lied about it. Yet bottom line on all this is . It is my fault for not just assuming full power that was given to me and stop including family, even it they were there before your assuming it. It takes awhile to realize you are in a vulnerable position if being scrutinized when u think u are just sharing time as u always did before the dementia set in. And as someone else posted the parents are taking a part in this 3 act play that is going on. I id with most comments.

The fastest way to get rid of anyone is to ask them to pay for something. Have them mail a check to a home care agency to have someone help give you a needed break once a week. Set up a visit schedule with days/hours that work for you. If they show up unannounced tell them dad is asleep or otherwise is not a good time. Also you can not go to the door. You are in charge and you should be in control of the situation. Being victimized is exhausting and you need that strength to care for dad. None of this is easy but if you don't take care of yourself it will much more difficult.

Not much information, but from my own experience, I would say it is window dressing. Those who don't help out, have to perform a token gesture for show once in awhile. It helps ease the guilt and it is a way of maintaining a presence.
I always believe that parents usually play a role in siblings not getting along, so it's best to protect yourself from the negative energy. Your stepfather has two children, but you are alone in this situation. Don't rise to the bait. Try to be civil but remember that a tiger doesn't change its stripes. You are not obligated to be anything but civil. You probably can't restrict visitors so you will have to make the best of a bad situation.

Almost exactly the situation I am in except my brother and I are the bio siblings to mom and dad who i am caring for. Dear brother is a control freak and wants to direct everything, including bringing dinner without notice. I have tried to get him to o visit a mediator/counselor to no avail. He has no idea what I go through or the real situation I am in or my parents. He and his wife drain me with their directives and know it all attitude. The parents are not in a position to make any sound decisions and I try to keep conflicts out of their lives. Document! Sadly, I decided to document things my brother and sister in law do that irritate me, from decisions or comments on health, medical attention, and financial matters. I have spoken to my lawyer who said there is not much I can do. However, I am going to pursue a long shot. That being a visit to the local agency, I believe it is federal on Elder Abuse. If I cannot make a case for my parents perhaps I can for me, as I am no spring chicken, and our arguments have reached a point of no return. I think I know your frustration. I have brought this up to a few counselors , ans social workers with no success. Sadly, I have found myself keeping records, notes, emails, etc of the hell my brother has put me through. I hope a never need them but they do paint a picture for anyone who reads them. At a time when you need support yourself, you are being challenged daily by an ignorant family member. Keep notes, engage in emailing so you have a record of thins. Stay strong. Start confronting your brother through emails. I clicked on this question hoping to find an answer to sibling hell. I hope this has been some help.

It is happening to me too, but the sister is never here so I guess it's better is they get out of the way completely instead of obstructing our routine and bringing negative energy in the house the few times a year she comes when my bed ridden mother has a friend or her cousin over to visit, pretending to be there.

I don't know about the others, but I'm afraid you've not given us much to go on to help you with this question. What is the problem..what kind of grief, is this their stepdad too? What does your dad say about seeing the sibling? What is wrong with Dad that he needs your caregiving? Has your dad given you POA? What's wrong with making a family dinner? We just need to know more...what you've given us doesn't help us help you...