Follow
Share

We never had children and situation is very stressful.
BACKGROUND: Father-in-law died June 2010 in FLA. My husband's sister moved in with her mother in 2011. Mother-in-law called us to come and get her because her daughter was mentally abusing her. We drove down from PA to bring her back with us in June 2013. We got her out of substantial debt, and welcomed her into our home at the time. It worked for a while, but situation has gotten increasingly stressful. She has no interests whatsoever. She sits in same living room chair watching TV daily. She has a few health issues, but nothing serious. Could possibly live alone, but I see signs of dimentia although she won't admit it. Husband & I would like some alone time when we get home from work (I work part-time now) but have to go to another room. We bought her a TV for her bedroom but she still spends time in LR. Husband and she don't get along due to issues between her daughter and him. She defends daughter. He had heart attack last year which was triggered from stress from this situation. Husband and she had a blowup about a month ago. He said he couldn't handle it anymore. His blood pressure was sky high. I spoke to her about it and told her she'd have to find another place to live because I couldn't risk him having another heart attack. I told her she should start to look around for a place. I wouldn't just throw her out. I offered to help her find a place but she didn't want my help. She packed up some of her things in her room a few days later and went to live with her sister who is 90. Her sister has many health issues. I have guilt feelings now but it just wasn't working and my husband's health is more important than anything (which I told her). Do we try to work this out or just let things go? I worked for 47 years and retired 4 years ago. This is not how I had planned my later years. I have turned into a nasty old lady (I am 69) from this. I used to be very easy going. I just want my house and my life back. What to do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I think you did what you had to do. Your mother-in-law is not in a situation where she can't make decisions and she had a place to go.

If you worry about your mother-in-law and her sister as time goes on, you can ask social services to do a welfare check on them. But you've done a great deal for her already and continuing as you have been could kill your husband. The statistics of caregivers dying before those they take care of are scary.

Please don't accept guilt for this. You've done what you could and more. Now you must take care of your marriage - plus your health and your husband's health. Be there for emergencies but don't take your mother-in-law back into your home or you'll be right back where you started.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. I know that the guilty will bother you even though you didn't have much choice. Things will work out even if you have to call social services to take care of the elderly ladies. Where she is now is likely better than when she was with her daughter.

Carol
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Let it go! You did the right thing. You and your husband have only one responsibility and that is to each other. You helped this woman a great deal and now know the consequences. There is nothing to feel guilty about; just be happy your husband survived and know you both learned an important lesson.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My wife and I currently have to share our home with her Mother. It was fine at first, the she stopped going out as much, and spends most of her time in our living room watching tv. This forces my wife and I to spend our time in the bedroom. I can't even go to the bathroom without her seeing me go from our room into the bathroom each time from her recliner...that has a clear visual of our bedroom door, bathroom, and living room tv. Same goes for going into the kitchen. We have ZERO privacy, and ZERO significant alone time! She is supposed to move in a few months, but our marriage seems to be on hold until then. It's more like a roomate situation! Does she not think we would like to have "couples time"? Or does she even consider us a married couple anymore? She tells us when we should clean, etc like we are children, and forgets this house is in me and my wife's name, not hers! It is literally driving me to therapy! I hope our marriage survives this. There are no boundaries, and because she has helped us here and there financially, she thinks she has control over all we do! I just want some privacy, sanctuary, and sanity again! This is the last time we will live with an in-law God willing! She even decorated the house to her liking, and my wife doesn't have the nerve to stand up to her. Also, we are in our 30s, she is 70, and we can't run the AC when we are sweating because she is cold from sitting around all day. I know older people get coulder easier, but if I'm sweating in my cave/room, she should put a sweater or blanket on! She won't do it though. I've had it with her taking over our home. I dread coming home every time now. It's depressing. I just want some personal space, but I only get that couped up in our 11x11 bedroom! She has got to go ASAP or we won't come out of this sane.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I will soon be facing a similar situation myself. You and your husband have made a tremendous effort in supporting your MIL, but it should not be at the detriment to anyone's health. Fortunately she has a roof over her head, for now. It wouldn't hurt to at least have a Plan B, in case her living situation changes and she wants to come back. You and your husband deserve peace.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You probably just saved your husband's life!! Please don't undo that. If it makes you feel better, ask the county office of the aging to go check on them. Living with her sis might last six months or six years, but the next stop is Assisted Living and NOT back with you. NO GUILT!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.