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I'd also like to suggest that anyone who can get their hands on the book by Roz Chast- Can't we talk about something more pleasant? Read it. It's amazing.
Parents & adult kids rarely, if ever, sit down and talk through what anybody wants or needs from each other through the aging process. I know my mom wasn't even willing to acknowledge that aging was happening.
Without that conversation, a lot goes unsaid, assumed, and then expected. There's no shortage of disappointment all around.
Be that as it may, you are an adult with responsibilities and obligations, presumably to earn an income, pay your bills, provide food and shelter to yourself and maybe your own kids, pets, etc. You can't just put that down because mom is aging.
I think a lot of seniors find themselves in an unplanned situation where they do need help, but they fail to understand this is not a temporary thing. The expectation that you'd come to help may be reasonable if it was short in duration. But when the need will go on and even increase until the inevitable end, you can't expect someone to step into that role, no questions asked.
You have to have some very strong boundaries in place and don't feel bad about enforcing them.
I had to be very clear with my mother that she was going to have to see the onsite doctor at her facility. I had used up every bit of my time off at work moving her and getting her settled. I didn't even have time off for my own doctor appointments because of this. Nobody has to like it, this is just the way it is. I'm not willing to take unpaid time off work when there's no good reason to.
The onsite doctors were just as good as anybody else.
I had to establish boundaries about when I was willing to run errands and go grocery shopping for her, when there was a perfectly good shuttle to the same store right from the lobby. Mom, if you aren't going to use the shuttle, then you'll have to wait until I have a few hours free.
Yes, she pouted. Yes, she tried the guilt trip. Yes, she tried wheedling me about my life's details so she could say "SEE - You COULD have come and got me!". She tried to make me feel bad about going on a date with my husband or doing things with my own kids. I dared not tell her about doing anything with a friend. She tried to find out if I was going to have a moment of down time to claim.
A good therapist helped me understand that I was not responsible for her happiness, her sense of fulfillment, or her entertainment. When mom was refusing to eat in the dining room, participate in activities, cooperate with medication, and being a general sour puss, it was not my job in life to run to the rescue.
It was my job to see that she was safe, clean, and fed. I had done that. Anything else was extra. You can run yourself into the ground and STILL feel guilty it wasn't enough if you don't get some life boundaries.