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My father passed away in 2000 and My father didnt tell me till he had been gone for 3 Months. They said they didnt know where I was or how to reach me. This is not true because I have had the same email address for over 32 yrs. To this day I find it hard to talk to them without being hurt and it hurts really hard to get over my grief of his loss. When I try to tell them How I feel all they say is get over it, grow up, that is the past. How do I find a way for forgive them and stop grieving for my father?

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Did your father love you? Why were you not in touch with him? (NOT blaming, just asking.)

Was it his family that didn't get in touch with you? Are these good people? Have they ever been good to you? If not, then it's just typical for them to let you remain ignorant. They may have kept you in the dark on purpose, or they may have just been careless.

Why do you feel so bad? Would you have done something different if you knew he was ill? Once he is dead, there's not much you can do. Was it a good feeling to think that one day you would be with him again? Now that possibility is gone. Do you feel guilty that you weren't in touch? For me, that would be the hardest part even if I had really good reasons.

Are you an orphan now? Your father is gone, and his family let you down. That's a hard feeling even if you are in your 50's or 60's. Look around and see if you have a family you have chosen. If you don't have a robust social and support circle, how can you create one? Church? Al Anon? (Everyone has an alcoholic somewhere!)

If you're like me, you have probably heard your father's voice in your head every day of your life. That doesn't stop because he is dead. You can rejoice in the ways he was a good father, and mourn and let go of the ways he wasn't the father you wanted and needed.

This will take time. Come back often to talk with us. We understand.
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Have we had email for 32 years? That makes me feel old!
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Do you have two fathers?

Regardless, it sounds like you need to forgive whoever hurt you as it will only hurt you, really. Cherish your memories of your loved one and find ways to honor his memory. Create a photo album or even make a book of your favorite photos. Be kind to yourself as you grieve his passing.
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HUH?
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