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I believe my mom's mental decline is due to poor nutrition. When she first moved in with me I thought she had dementia. I wanted to take care of her (at first). I was cooking, cleaning, and doing everything for her. Her mental status improved greatly and she began acting 'normal'. I realized she was able to do things for herself, but she was perfectly happy with having me wait on her hand and foot. It was exhausting! I decided to try to get her to clean up her own messes as she was leaving them all over the house. I stopped cooking as much in hopes that she would fix something herself to eat. She is capable of doing that. Instead, she became defiant and angry. She started going to fast food restaurants and bringing the stuff home to eat and piling up the bags, wrappers and cups on the table for me to throw away. She has gone back to being a junk food junkie eating nothing but fast food, ice cream and candy like before she moved in with me. At one point, I left the stuff on my table for 2 weeks. When I told her she needed to throw the trash in the trash can, she got up and walked away angry, not speaking to me the rest of the day.
She's always been selfish and anti-social, even with her own children. If you're not doing something for her or telling her how great she is she wants nothing to do with you. She has ALWAYS been this way..
Since she's been eating all of this junk I've noticed her mental capabilities decline sharply. I've tried to explain to her that all that sugar is really bad for her. Now, even when I do cook she gets her purse and runs to Taco Bell or Sonic. I even told her that someone was going to call DFACS and they would put me in jail for elder abuse. She laughed. When I ask her to throw away her trash she ignores me.
How do I get her to stop eating all this junk and clean up after herself? She can take care of herself, but she's always been stubborn and selfish.

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MajataRain, I feel for you. This is no picnic for we who want the best for them, and they just don't give a d*mn. Sunnygirl, I am having an attorney draw up the POA.
Today, I asked her to take her 6 empty cigarette packs and her other trash to the trash can. It was a stand-off. She stared me down like she could cut my throat. How dare I ask such a thing? She finally picked up 3 of the packs but left everything else. She hoards trash on my deck outside and in her bedroom.
I honestly think this is more a superiority complex than anything else.
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Is she manipulating you? Yes, absolutely. And allowing her to get away with it is enabling her.
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Keeping an elderly person on a sound diet can be frustrating. My mother is always enthusiastic when I suggest trying new things or old favorites again, then I buy them, prepare them and then it's "I don't care for that".
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Thank you all for the advice. Yes, when she first moved in I thought she had dementia or some other cognitive issues. But then she got 'better', not totally, but better after she was eating healthy food every day. That's when I got really annoyed. It seemed she was able to do for herself, but just wanted me to do everything for her. So, I stopped cooking every day and stopped waiting on her constantly. I've noticed a big difference in her mental status since I stopped cooking every day and she started eating junk again. Now, I'm wondering if the whole thing is her manipulating me. She's like that you know. My sister came to visit for a couple of days. I was in shock to see my mom walk around the yard, carry on a conversation, take a shower and dress to go to dinner! Of course now my sister thinks mom is no problem for me at all, and accused me of making things up.
I have started putting my foot down with my mom. I'm slowly getting her to do this and that, and not do this, that, and the other. It's like I'm in a power struggle with her. I think in her opinion she's the mom so she doesn't have to go by my rules. If she doesn't come around soon, she's outta here!
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I also would be curious to know what changes you've made since your April post. Your mother isn't going to change; you have to otherwise the situation will only become worse and more complex.

Have you investigated getting a placement for her?
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Ok first let me make this clear, i know just how you feel when it comes to how your mother acts. Add in a theif and a impolsive liar and you have my mom wrapped in a nutshell. Though i guess she clamed just slightly. If you could even say that. At least she lessened the amount of wall damaging tantrums. As well as stopped threateneing to burn me with cigarettes. But thats not why im commenting.

I will give you the same advise that some of the others have as well as some people around me have told me. Dont take it. If shes being crule. Do as she so often does and ignore her. If she asks for help. Keep saying no till she gives you the respect of at least asking nicely. Since she seems to be able to do so. Also, if its hurting your mental and physical health. You should maybe look into a NH even if its only for a couple of months. She may level out there enough to be able to come back. Or it may just be your saving grace. I know i love my mom and hate thinking about doing this to her. But we have to be sane and healthy to be able to take care of our loved ones. If were not, were never gonna help them. Or ourselves.
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Yes, Rhenley,
With progression of dementia, your mom will likely later on stop doing the things that bother you. My cousin had problematic behavior. She had a terrible diet and refused to eat healthy food or to take her medication. Now she is wheelchair bound and doesn't know what day it is. She doesn't argue, because she doesn't know much to say. She eats what she is served and has no issue with it. She can't even tell you what her favorite dish is.

These are some of the things people see with the progression of dementia. The patient getting better or understanding how to be more the way you want is not really an option. It may be difficult to accept, but I think you are making things harder by refusing to accept facts.
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Have you implemented any of the suggestions you got from your first post? Here it is, in case you can't find it. There are good ideas in here. Unless you change, your mom and her situaton won't change. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-recently-come-to-live-with-me-180498.htm
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Have you read about how dementia works? You state your mom suffers from dementia. Just because she may look or act normal one day, she might not actually be okay. This condition causes the brain to act in ways we do not understand and that are not rational. Arguing, begging, or insisting isn't likely to accomplish anything with a dementia patient.

I would read up on this site or Alzheimers site about they symptoms of dementia. You can also discuss it with your mom's doctor if possible. Do you have her POA? The power to act on her behalf will become very important.

I think that reading more about dementia will help lower your expectations of what your mom is capable of and ease your anxiety over this. Keeping her safe and somewhere she can have her needs taken care of will become the biggest priority and not her diet. I wish you luck.
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Your house, your rules or she moves out. Assisted living.
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OMG, rhenley, why did you move her in with you knowing what she's been like all her life. Okay, she's lazy, self-centered, and she sounds a little (or a lot) narcissistic. There is no way you can change her basic nature.

First of all, she seems to be ambulatory and capable of driving also. Why can't she live alone? I really think your best (and perhaps only) option is to move her out of your house.
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