She just wants to sit. She is staying with me until my sister and I can figure what to do. She has a home but my sister and I live in different states. My brother lives 30 minutes away, but doesn't want to deal with her because he had to deal with dad who has passed away. And so, since mom's 3 sister's, who all live 5 minutes from her, but don't want the responsibility of helping her and my brothers refusal to help, mom's lack of finances had my sister and I going to get her and bring her to my home. I know this bothers mom also, not being in her home. It's sad.
I wouldn't mind her staying with me always if she would be willing to work with me and not against me, but it's a constant battle getting her to try or do anything. She has always had a history of secrets, lies and cover ups and unable to accept any criticism. As its a personal jab to her and her intelligence. She's also a genius when it comes to deflecting the issues. Everything is everyone else's fault. Everyone's a liar whenever she's confronted about her behavior and it's getting worse. I know she's depressed and she's on anti depressants. I've also had her tested for dementia, but being blind she is unable to complete the test. But orally she did very well. We think mom has always suffered from Paranoia Personality Disorder, to certain degree. I can only imagine loosing your sight especially in your 80's and it breaks my heart seeing her this way, but mom has always taught us that life goes on and you do what you gotta do. I also have an occupational therapist coming in 2xs a wk to exercise her and help her learn to use a cane. My mom hates the weekly visits and doesn't like strange people in the house. She has always been anti social. She says if they can't restore her sight then they can't help her. Given that attitude I'm at a loss. She also has a problem with me going out in the evenings, which has put a strain on my family. She used to be a very clean, busy person. Her number one worry was what people thought of her home, her appearance. Now she won't shower and rarely brushes her teeth. If I didn't make her put on clean clothes I don't think she ever would. She sometimes wets the bed, but instead of dealing with it she just walks out of her room and says she'll do it later then forgets or just doesn't do it. I would help her of course. She never asks about her laundry, never offers to help clean her room or bathroom. And no I don't expect her to scrub the tub or mop the floor. But offering to take her trash out would help. Worst of all, she sits on the sofa from sun up to sun set, with tv blaring and asks me to get this or that, but if you ignor her or your out of room, she gets up and goes to frig gets ice and Pepsi and pours Pepsi in her cup. I've watched her go to pantry and get chips. But if I say I think you need to get up and move around cuz you've been sitting for hours, she get angry, calls me mean and says she's 84 and blind. She also said the cane takes away her independence. I was stunned at her way of thinking, but not totally surprised. I've also noticed her memory gets better when talking on the phone with other family members and or a Drs visit or with OT. Which leads me to wonder if memory is an issue or act.
Again I'm at a loss trying to help someone who doesn't care to help herself. I'm also tired of hearing how mom took care of us when we were young and that this is my duty as her daughter. It's hard sometimes to have any feelings of empathy/sympathy for her while she's calling me mean and a liar.
Any advice as to how to get her up and willing to be more independent? I'm willing to assist her any way I can if she would just express a willingness to help me help her and how do you avoid all the mental games?