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My mom has recently lost some of her hearing and should see an audiologist because I'm having to shout, and she doesn't hear the phone ring. She will fight me all the way saying her hearing is fine. Whenever I bring this up, she gets very nasty and says I am cruel and that I want to control her life. Inevitably this leads up to, "I know you would like to see me go to an Assisted Living place so that you'll have less responsibility. Just let me die in peace.". I only see her about 3x a week for a few hours, so it's not that bad. I never thought my mother would talk to me like this, but she has really changed, I just moved her into her own apt. closer to me. She used to live 2 hrs. away. I keep telling her I'm trying to make it better for her, and that shouting all the time is getting difficult to have a conversation. She also needs to see a doctor because she has swelling in her ankles, but I know she fears that they will put her in a hospital. She's on water pills, so they help somewhat, but not completely. I think she should have a general exam. All she saw before were a cardiologist and a neurologist.

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I think she resents having to move, honestly. You have to lure her into thinking it is HER idea and not yours. She wants control.
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My dad HATES doctors. When I announce he has an appointment & he's asking me "WHY?!?!?", I just don't take any guff - I smile and say "Well Pop - you are 91 years old. The doctor needs to make sure I'm taking care of you, so you don't end up in a nursing home." That usually ends the grumbling.
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When my dad refused to get hearing aids and we got tired or repeating and shouting, we stopped. We all spoke in normal voices and refused to repeat. He finally got the hearing aids. If she is in sound mind - you might not be able to force her, but you don't have to shout either.
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Even adult protective services lured my mthr to the md by inviting her to ride with them to get an ice cream, but they had to go to an appt first. Did not tell her it was an appt for her intil the nurse called her name! ! Most docs will no longer keep you on the books if you dont go every 6 mos, so that's not even a fib. You probably need to get a durable poa and health care poa in place before doc visit so he can talk to you about her as well.(take copy for their file) Do those papers "just in case" theres a car wteck, not the obvious if she's demented. :)
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brdlvr1, my Dad and I got Mom to start wearing hearing aids by whispering when around Mom, and Dad would only turn the sound up so far on the TV, just enough so Mom could barely hear it. That got Mom to the hearing aid place, but that hearing aid better be invisible so no one could see Mom was wearing one.... [sigh, Mom was in her 90's]

To get your Mom to see a doctor, tell her it is required by Medicare, and if she doesn't go twice a year, her health insurance would stop. Yes, it's a fib, but sometimes we need to tell "therapeutic fibs" to get an elder to do something important.
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