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She has dementia and I have care for her 24/7. It has been 4 months since we started the care. My sibs and I all agreed to try this in her own home with as familiar a setting as possible. I also have a down syndrome sister that resides with her. She goes several days and does fine but at least 2-3 times a week she tells the caregivers to get out and she's going to call 911 etc. It breaks my heart esp when she looks at me and tells me to not come back. I know its part of the dementia but it's such a struggle. I live nearby and see Mom the most. I take her to church and to all MD appts. I handle all her affairs and am the one with FMLA so I can be there for her. Will she ever adjust or just forget who we all are? Feeling a little down today.

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Have you taken your Mom to a Gerontologist or Neurologist to see if they can prescribe medication for her? I am working on this with my mother right now to find the right medication for her as, what normally works for people DOES NOT WORK FOR HER. This has made our lives hell at times and other times she seems "normal." It drives you crazy!
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MaryGW i hear ya AND i commend you for your restraint! i think i would just let rip and say it!!! you must be a very patient person maybe you could give me some?
I too get this especially when i have invite friends around? Yeh im living in her house and am broke from buying lotto and scratch cards so i can get my own place!
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My least favorite words are.. "This is MY house!" I WISH we had enough money to buy a one floor home and have her move in with us but we don't and so we are here in her house. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Just opening windows on a breezy 68 degree morning causes a scream fest and the dreaded, "This is MY house." I want to scream yes it is your house and we gave up ours to come take care of you but deep down I know it is the disease. Well.. some of it. It's a painful process and pretty thankless.
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I have lived with my Mom since the end of 1997 at her urging since i was ill. Now Mom has dementia and I care for her. She will fight me on basically everything depending on her mood. At least 4 times a week I hear "If you don't it like then you can just pack your stuff and get you A-- Out!" OR "I will be SOOOO glad when I am dead and gone and out of your hair!"

It hurts, when you have given up your life to take care of them. This is the disease talking and it will keep going. All I can say is I have found out that I need to keep things quieter in the house and her attitude is better. I even found old Dean Martin songs to play and Mom is quiet while they are on.
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Don't you just love it when someone visits for a very short time and makes the opinion she can live as she chooses? I'd definately make the comment to whom ever is coming you don't feel the support from the medical community. I'd definately get the eval done.... then when they see the eval they will realize she is not "competent" to make the decision to live as she chooses! We had a 20 something come to my mother in laws home..... she stayed for 10 minutes and said Why she's fine! I say my MIL can sell snow to an eskimo..... she did that day! LOL
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Sorry for typing errors! mum decided to look over my shoulder to see what i was doing? Beam me up!
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I know how you feel im pretty down today myself as the district nurse is coming tomorrow to check on things and i know mum will get aggressive and no want her near her?
The last time she called my mum told her to leave i havnt told my mum yet and am dreading the agressive crap to come.

I have to say im done with this and i think like alot here that until something happens theres nothing we can do as her docs and professionals will just say its her house and she can live as she wants?

I am leaving as the stress is too much. My mum wont go to a doc,let a nurse near her or let the carer near her room if i wasnt here shed be living like a down and out and thats what scares me.

All i can do is tell the nurse my concerns and see what options they can come up with now i have to tell mum shes coming tomorrow and as usual mum will threaten me to get out?
My mum tells me to stop infering with her life? well you know what maybe i just will as im fed up with the stress and the constant rows.
I went away last night when i arrived this morning she had left the front door open AGAIN?? i just cant cope anymore lucky nobody broke in but this is what happens when shes left alone?
All i can do is wait until shes ina position where she needs a home i really dont think theres anything wlse we can do? Caregivers need to have more power over this its not what these elders want its what they need?
I heard here in Ireland that this POA was supposed to be reviewed as its just not good enough. Its like we have to wait until something drastic happens until they get help?
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Been here,done that too. I don't believe that a person who comes to live in YOUR home should be allowed to run roughshod over everyone. Alzheimers and dementia brings out a self centeredness and entitlement attitude that can damage relationships of the caregivers caring for the person affected by this. Boundaries are still important. Caregivers in the home of the person being cared for need to establish an early relationship with their local police, or face an unexpected potential arrest. I have had to call for police assistance myself, because my mother in law threatened me and has previously attacked me. Most police officers are trained to spot elder abuse, but few truly recognize that caregiver abuse is a huge issue.
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give her her space and self determination. you can tell just by listening if shes struggling with something she needs help with. otherwise, mostly stay out of sight.
mother was in charge in our home. aside from memory problems she was very brilliant and by all rights SHOULD have been calling the shots.
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3 years ago, When mom was hospitalized we voiced our concerns about her inability to live alone. We lived 3 hours away. They did a neuro psycology evaluation and diagnosed and staged her dementia. They would not allow her to return home to live by herself. This was instrumental in getting the ball rolling to have a live in with her.
We could now say "The doctor" will not allow you to live alone anymore. Its having someone live here with you or a nursing home. Back then she understood what that meant. Now she doesnot know she is home most of time. When we are there she denies anyone lives with her, though she has lived there with her 3 years!
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For everyone's sake, please have your mother evaluated for medications. Good luck and God bless.
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I sympathise with how upsetting your mother's twice-weekly 'fits' must be, but could you please clarify what your circumstances are? You care for her 24/7, or you live nearby and see her the most? Are you actually living with her or not?
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What you are experiencing is what all of us have seen, in one form or another. Have you read Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent? It is pretty much, right on.

In our situation, my sister (that was in your position) died suddenly. My other sister and I had to let the situation play out, as we were both 1500 miles away.

My sister (that's living) did stay there for 6 weeks, but it was H*ll. She was 73, herself. So, we had to let mother have her way. Luckily, she went to the hospital and they declared that she could not return home, under any circumstances. She lived alone, so she is now in the NH and is the best she has been in years.

We hated to force her hand, but she still had rights and money and there was no moving her until she just had to. (By the way, we "girls" stayed out of the move and let an adult grandson (50) handle it.) None of us are very young, anymore.
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