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Anger is normal and healthy i know some people who dont show any emotions at all like my brother which i find "scary" be glad you can express this emotion even if we think we shouldnt be angry we have every right to be angry noone deserves to die like this of course we are angry im even angry at God!
I am sorry for your loss.
Anger is certainly a normal part of the grieving process. You are entitled to your feelings. Sometimes people will say things with the best intentions, but those words will be very painful to you. They don’t mean to hurt you. Everyone grieves differently.
Some people might say things about how you can get over it, when they really mean you can continue to move forward with your life - slowly. It’s just that when they select their words, they don’t realize how they hurt.
We all know that you will never get over your mom’s death. You don’t. You are allowed to be upset when people say things that hurt and feel insensitive. They are your feelings. It is perfectly normal to be angry. It's grief.
I don’t know if you have looked to see if a counselor in your area might help you work through your feelings, but it may be helpful. If your mother was in hospice, please contact the hospice and speak to the social worker there to get started. They are accustomed to this situation and may be of great comfort to you as you deal with your feelings. If you are uncomfortable with speaking with a counselor, perhaps a trusted friend could help, too.
Please accept my deepest sympathies.
Thank you for being a caregiver to your mom. I know you miss her every single day, and I know that she appreciated and loved you for all you did for her.
Take care,
Dani
AgingCare.com Editor
Second - I hope you'll consider whether your anger is really mis-placed fear and stress. Rather than tell you WHAT to do, I'll relate my experience and hope you find some insight for your own. I find that the source of my anger is really fatigue, stress over finances and schedule; my grief, my sadness and the realization that I'll never have the same relationship with another human that I had with my mom. It's scary and it's isolating. Others who aren't dealing with similar situations have no idea what I go through - what I've given up to help her. They believe that because I've had no children, that I have some care-free, stress free life where I can spend every dime on myself. They are SO VERY CLUELESS!! So self-righteous, so judgemental - and they are SO out of my life now. What freedom THAT brings!! ;)
I hope you'll look at those situations, people and places where you feel angry and then consider WHY you're angry. It takes practice and self-reflection. I found that my anger drove people away from me. The very people I want in my life long-term were put off by my constant dark mood, they didn't know what to do to help or show support. I realized that I had to deal with things differently and be willing to say, "I'm so sad. I'm so stressed. I'm so afraid.." rather than bury those emotions and have it percolate out as constant anger and "prickliness". I finally began to say this things outloud which made it easier to deal with and I got a lot more understanding and support from friends and family. I WANT to maintain these relationships for the long term so being able to be honest with them and myself means I'll keep them in my life rather than drive them off. It took a lot of practice for me to get to the root of my feelings but within a few months, it became easier. I became more light hearted and even happy again.
I also found that talking with a friend who's a counselor helped a lot too. She didn't give me advice but she was a sounding board at times. If it's been a year and you're still mad and see no way to resolve it, perhaps talking with a professional counselor might be wise and get you on the right path.
Best of luck to you.