How do I deal with the guilt of trying to have a life outside my mom (90)?

How are you helping her now? And what will happen when she gets worse? Is it the plan to move her in with you? If not, then you will have to start planning what happens next. And remember that you are 1 of 4 siblings.It should be a team meeting amongst the 4 of you. And they all have to be involved in her caregiving in some way.Sounds like you've let them get away with doing nothing until now.

Thank you so much for your kind answer. I am looking into a geriatric psych. Mom is pretty remarkable but, she has always had a bit of the Queen Bee syndrome. I do think the macular degeneration is getting worse. We can't afford assisted living and got her into a great place that is for fixed income. Though, they do not have assisted. I am very scared😢.

I'm impressed that your 90 year old mom is in Independent Living. That's incredible. You do say that she is depressed, sad and needy. I might try to figure out why.

Have you talked to her doctor? Is she on medication for depression? Maybe, you could explore that. Medication really helped my loved one's mood and she is much more content.

Also, has she always been so needy and unhappy? Is she getting the assistance she needs at Independent Living? Maybe, she needs more assistance than she's getting. That can make people anxious and needy, because they are scared. If you know that she getting her needs met, you might feel less stressed and not so overwhelmed. I'd try to figure this out. There are only so many hours in the day. Not sleeping and stressing is bad on your health. Take care of yourself too.