She is there because I'm unable to care for her --not sure how to tell her-without causing a huge outburst of vebal and phyiscal abuse--I am only child--
whenever I go to see her---I am a nervous, feel sick with gulit, not mention guilt.
Any advice

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Elayne, what kind of dementia does your mother have, do you know? Is memory loss a big compoenent of her dementia? If you tell her something today is she likely to remember it tomorrow? One caregiver I know told her husband that when his therapy made him strong enough he'd come home. He often remembered that she told him that, but he had no sense of time, so he didn't know whether she'd been telling him that for a couple of days or a couple of years. It seems to give him hope. It was very hard on her, though!

Tell her whatever works for her peace of mind and for yours, too. Whatever time you have left with your mother should not be eaten up with nervousness and guilt. Give her a gift of calm, even if the answer that works for her isn't "true." Remember that she is in her own reality now, and external truth is not so important there.
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