Follow
Share

The past few weeks have been crazy once again. Mom had a UTI and her sugar started running low. Besides the fact that she does not like to eat. On Saturday Morning the ALF sent her to the ER. She was admitted. Stress!

The week before I had her at two doctor appointments for her foot (has a sore on it again). The ALF constantly telling me that if it gets worse she can’t stay. Stress!

My husband is going through something. He just wants to have fun and enjoy things. Who doesn’t? I spend the weekend dealing with mom in hospital and going out a garden, winery and mini golf with my husband. Happy face so he can enjoy life.. When I talk about my responsibilities and things I have to do, he gets angry and shuts me out. He got mad at me last night because I did not want to go to the movies. Not only did I just want to be home and feel secure, but we have a few unpaid bills and just should pay them. He stops listening and just starts to say things to hurt my feelings. Stress!

Phone call from my cousin who live local but very rarely visits my mom. Wanted to know why my mom was in hospital, is she getting physical therapy, why are her sugars low, why, why and why? Phone call from Aunt (in New Jersey, I am in Florida). Why is you mom in hospital, is she ever going to be allowed to go home, why, why, why and why? Stress!

I really am at a place of feeling I am not enough and I am in this alone. I do have a friend who I talk to, but I hate always being so negative.

I feel my mom’s doctor’s and ALF treat me like I am not doing the right thing or enough for her. I feel my husband thinks I am not taking good care of his needs. I feel I am not taking care of my business and losing money / customers. So close to breaking, but don’t have anyone to even look after things so I can regroup.

How can I be on call 24 hours a day for everyone but myself and not start to loss it? Alone and not sure how much more I can continue to do.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
My husband, is finally getting over his own anxiety from having lost his job a few years back. It took him 2 years to find another. I try to let him know that I am depressed and just need time like he had to work through things and I can't always just be happy. Sometimes I have to say no to his fun in order to take care of mom's stuff (trying to clean out her house and sell it, also). The past two weeks just has not been anytime for just for me. Mom was transferred back to ALF last night. I just hoping to spend the day at home with my dogs and go to my hair appointment without having to visit my mom or hear something as happened with her. Fingers crossed.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I really don't have a problem with her care at this ALF, it just seems that when something comes up the immediately bring up that if it is too serious she can't stay. Instead of just waiting to see what the doctors say.

Over the last year and half, we had to more her three times and she has been at this one since November and she likes it. If I can give her that I should at least try.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

@Sunnygirl1. She is in a memory care unit at her ALF. They do bath, dress and manage her "pill". Her diabetes is managed by an outside company that the ALF contacts with. I do communicate with them. Things had been fine with her sugar, everyone seems to agree that it was the UTI causing the problem. They are concerned with the ulcer on her foot and it getting worse. It isn't, it is healing just slowly. She has a wound care dr and the outside company has been monitoring it. It the hospital the scab came off and now they are more concerned. It should be fine. She really likes it at the ALF and feels comfortable and at 71 I just feel see is not ready for a NH. She is healthy except for the diabetes. The poor eating happens and such are really from the dementia.

There are no memory care ALF's in the area that offer on site care for her insulin. The problems with the transportation is that the only offer transportation to doctors twice a week on certain days. It is hard enough to make her appoints around my work schedule so I can be there. There is no way I can do it around their schedule so appoints for the whole building. I think they would rather you use the doctors that come there. Which we use some, but there is no diabetic specialist or wound care doctor.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Tattoochick,
Why are you providing so much hands on care for your mother when she lives in an AL facility? It's my understanding that they are there to provide her care for daily activities. In my state, they monitor the vitals and blood sugar daily, provide medication as prescribed, help bath, dress, provide meals, and transport to their medical appointments. Why are you trying to do all of that? I don't understand.

If the ALF is telling you that she can't stay, then, I'd consider why and have her properly assessed to determine what level of care she needs. If she is somewhere that she isn't getting the right level of care, then, that can create a lot of stress and worry. I've been there and done that. Once, she's in a the proper place, you will likely be able to breath easier and have time for your own life. Maybe, you need to get some respite time and just focus on yourself and husband for a nice get-away. Caretaking can consume you and really destroy your health. I hope your mom gets better and you find some answers that work.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I remember feeling inadequate with my dad's Dr.'s and later his nursing home. It seemed like I was always forgetting something or completely dropping the ball at times. I felt like an imbecile many times and worried that the Dr.'s and the nursing home thought I was an idiot or worse, just didn't care. But I have something that you don't right now--perspective. My dad's been gone for 4 years and I can look back now and know that I did everything I was supposed to and that I did my very best for him. You are doing the right thing for your mom, you are doing enough so cross these off your list of things to worry about.

You can't be on call 24 hours a day. You know that. Instead of fielding phone calls how about a group email? Sit down, type out a paragraph to keep people in the loop and send it out. Done! Or if you have elderly relatives who don't have email delegate updates to someone else. Call one person and have that person call the next person.

Have you shared with your husband what you need from him, whatever those needs may be? Maybe he doesn't know how to help. Tell him.

Many people don't realize that when they place an elderly parent in a nursing home the caregiving doesn't stop it just gets different. I found that out myself. And it is stressful.

It's going to be up to you to put some balance back in your life. Alleviate little stressors altogether wherever you can. It can be done, you'll just have to be willing to make some changes.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

That is a tremendous amount of stress. I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have many suggestions other than to try and find a way to remove some of the burden. You cannot be on call 24 hours a day, period. Nobody can.
Please don't feel judged by the doctors or the ALF. You are doing more than a whole bunch of people would be doing. They aren't living your life. They cannot possibly judge how much you are doing or aren't doing.

If at all possible, try speaking to a therapist. You need to start doing things for you. Taking care of yourself is your first priority.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.