My mother suffered from Alzheimer / dementia for 4 years. She was living with me during that time and I’d to take care of her. I couldn’t help it sometimes to wish that she’d finally die. It was very hard to work and take care of her at the same time. She passed away in 2008 and I suffered from horrible feelings of guilt for 2 years after that because I wished her death.
Later in 2011, my grandma who had practically raised me, started to suffer from Alzheimer /dementia. I had to take her to live with because there was nobody else to help and I also had to make some arrangement to work from home. This time I knew what to expect and I was so scared of reliving this horrible experience all over again. I was praying for her to die and sometimes I felt I really hated her. She passed in 2014 and since then I’ve been suffering from very deep feelings of guilt. I feel as if my prayers were the cause of her death. I sometimes dream of her and in the dream she refuses to talk to me. I feel that only when I’m dead she’ll be able to forgive me.