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Last year my father suffered a stroke. Thankfully he is still able to talk, read and feed himself sometimes. My parents moved in with my sister and her family and they all care for my father. I live close by and visit regularly. They do not often ask me to help becauae I am dealing with the decline of my husband's health. However, my mother has asked me to sit with dad while she goes out for a break. I want so much to help but I am having great difficulty with the thought of taking care of his bathroom needs. I feel like such a bad daughter for it even being a problem for me. I am not close to my dad and his Alzheimer's (mild at the moment) makes him agressive. I want to get over this so I can help more in the future.

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Two excellent answers. I would just add that using a spray bottle filled with warm water will help too. Wet wipes are helpful but I would use good quality paper towels and a bowl of warm soapy water. Once you get over the yuck factor it is not too bad as the loved one is already used to having others perform this task. The difficulty is doing it for a parent. Try and spend some time with Mom and see how she approaches it. be right in there with her and watch. Next time have her watch you. After that you should be good to go or simply not able to do it at all. No shame in that by the way. You said you are caring for your husband in declining health so you are or will be helping him in the bathroom too. The surroundings and the smell are similar it is just the body that is different.
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If your dad had a BM while you were there and needed help getting clean, put on gloves, have him lean forward and just do what you have to do. Using flushable wet wipes work. My dad uses a commode over the toilet and this allows him to hold onto the handles while leaning forward. If it is really messy, you may have to flush, let him rest and regroup. Always flush before you start to wipe. Everyone wants to be clean, it only takes a few seconds. It is probably bothering you more then him. After a few times it won't be so traumatic. Good luck
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I think a lot of us deal with this. My mom is in a NH and when she needs to use the toilet, we ring for the aide. Helping my mom use the bathroom is not what I'm comfortable with, although my sister in law does it all the time, go figure. I think perhaps what you need to do is have a discussion with your mom about what your dad's habits and needs are. Is he wearing pullups? How does she assist him in the bathroom? Is he still able to use the bathroom with someone standing discreetly outside the (mostly) closed door?

My greater concern is that you say that he is becoming aggressive. Is his doctor aware of this? How is your mom coping with this; she must not be a spring chicken herself and you want to be sure that if she's the main caregiver, she has lots of respite built into her schedule, not just you coming over once in a while. Time of get a caregiving agency in for a couple of hours a week and perhaps also time to start looking at facilities. This awful disease takes you for a roller coaster ride; things change in a day sometimes, and it is best to be prepared long in advance of when you think you're going to need the next level of care for your dad. Good luck and let us know how this is going.
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