My father keeps reliving his difficult childhood when he sees me because I look like his dad. How do I deal with his violence or anger?

I feel for you. My father dragged his abusive upbringing into adulthood and spent his life trying to grow out of his reaction patterns. Depending on if your father was at one time a good and compassionate parent to you, you could remember those days while dealing with these. You can, at the other extreme, recognize that your dad is out of touch with reality. He lives in a world of illusion, and his rage toward (whoever) you (remind him of) has no basis in reality. Those aren't his authentic feelings toward you, so you must choose not to be hurt by them. I know what a big job that is, but if there is no other escape from your father's original pain, it seems to me to be the only place to go with it. I guess you could drug him into unconsciousness, but that solution will cause more problems than it will solves.

As LME says, don't take it personally.....Dad is really not attacking you. And you don't have to apologize for something that happened way before your time. Is Dad under a doctor's care? If not then he needs to be evaluated and placed on meds to stabilize his mental status. Does Dad live with you? If so, you might consider placing him in assisted living.....that way he gets daily care and you can still visit with him, but there won't be the constant conflict. Good luck!

If his violence becomes a danger to your life or if he even says that he will kill you, then call 911 and have him evaluated. The man is in serious trouble and needs some serious help from an objective 3rd party.

What if you played along with it and told him you were "sorry for what you did" and hoped he would forgive you and that you loved him? I don't know this one is complicated...

Pouney~You have many good suggestions--By the way have you spoken with your Dad's neurologist about his lashing out-as there may be a medication to keep thinks in check-or it may also be another ailment----The professionals need to run some tests and evaluate the situation. Like it was said--Do not take this personally-It can be difficult at times, and if it is just walk away. I often had a tough time as well-and have an idea what you are going thru,
Best,
Hap

Try not to take it personally, can you talk to him and remind him who you are? It may be out of your hands. I am sorry this is a difficult position to be in Best Wishes.

May I suggest that you do something to change your appearance - grow a mustache, beard (or shave one off)?

My advice is agree with everything he says. The alz association says "the customer is always right."
Also try depakote, works wonders haha!! Hang in there, he doesnt mean it, he loves ya!!

That is why they have Nursing Homes.

I have the same situation, except not that i
look like anyone, but anything I say that may strike a wrong cord with my Dad about his past.
He loses it about who did wrong by him in
the past. There's no reasoning with him. So I
just leave. Otherwise, I'd lose it and that doesn't
help anyone. Just let it go. Easier said then done,
I know.

I am guessing that your Dad gets angry over more than just this one thing when you are there. Perhaps he needs to see his doctor who could prescribe a medication that would help his moods all the time. My mother has alzheimers and her usually pleasant mood changes dramatically in the evening with "sundowners." Her doctor prescribed seroquel which has made a difference. Good luck to you!

Protect yourself first and foremost. The biggest favor you can do someone is to not let them hurt you.

Don't take anything he says to you personally. Tell him you love him and you are sorry for anything you did that might have hurt him. You don't need to apologize for anything he accused you of doing that you did not do, but to just say "i'm sorry". If he continues to lash out at you, you don't have to "take it". Just tell him you have to go.