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Dad moved in due to financial and he wasn't taking care of him self. He was 78 and still trying to run his business. Mom died and her SSI stopped so all that was left was his. The business was not worth anything and he rented a town home so there was no assets. No pension retirement or savings. My brother took was was left of the equipment from the business (minor stuff) . Dad gave a lot of his equipment away. He was never a good business manager, day to day week to week type of running the business.
Fast forward. He lives with me very comfortably. I ask for nothing from him. He buys what he wants for food which amounts to ice cream, cheese and what ever fruits he eats.I pay for all the food, I cook every day, he eats with us. I set him up to manage his funds after mom died(she did all financial). He pays his own bills. He came with whatever furniture was left from the division of the household to the kids and grand kids. He had a truck and car. Since living with me he told me to take his truck. It worked out so I can use it for my maintenance of my property. I insured it, fixed it and registered it. With his permission I traded it on a newer truck. Now since I did trade it and got a fair trade in value do I owe him back the money I used for the truck? I use it to maintain the property he lives in. He does not manage money well and he got a big refund back and has blown through that in 2 weeks. He used some to pay back my sibling who loaned him money to fix his car last year. Should I be using the money from the truck to pay back my sibling? They have done very little since he moved in with me. They did very little with the move (but happily took a lot of furniture and china and jewelry). I have this nagging guilt to repay his car repairs. But every month I have to give him money as he runs out (he eats a lot of lunches and dinners out throughout the month). This is a long haul for me for living expenses. While in the short run the money I pay his car repairs would pay back my sibling but years down the road I am still the one shelling out the expenses every month Food, heat, cable electric all have increased. And I am the one giving him money every month. I am conflicted. I am the one who deals with the medical issues, the health issues and all of the social economic issues.

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He has no long term car insurance. I have been in the insurance business for many years as was my mother. They did not plan for retirement nor purchase the proper insurance to plan long term (go figure). I make sure he maintains his life insurance so I have money to take care of final expenses. There is no communication between me and my siblings. One I wont talk to for many reasons plus he would not help anyway (has always been this way). The other takes the high and mighty approach with me so it is hard to talk. I just try to get through the day without making myself crazy. It could be worse. I am slowly releasing the guilt. I pick up all the daily expenses (his dry cleaning that gets picked up and charged to me). He does by what he wants for special snacks (ice cream fruit other snacks) but I do all the grocery and meal shopping. I pick up so many expenses for my kids as it is now I have to pick up expenses for my dad. It is getting overwhelming........
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Do you mean he has long term care insurance?

We may be at odds here, but i don't believe that my parents supporting me as a child means that i need to give up part of my home and my life to my mom. My brothers and i gave mom the support ( non monetary) to keep her at home and then in Independent Living. When her need increased to 24/7 hands on care, there was no question in any of our minds that it would be done better in a facility. If my mom was living with me or a sibling, there would be a room and board and caregiving contract in place. The unequal distribution of inconveience and pain in your situation is SO untenable.
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Thanks, all good assistance. I don't ask dad for money as he provided me with a good upbringing and it is my duty, I wish the other children knew that. I get concerned about the future. What if he becomes ill and needs long term care. Who pays for what then? He has insurance which is good but I hope it will be enough but I know it wont. I do believe that I am doing the right thing as much as I get antsy about it.
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Agree with all of the answers here. Set up boundaries now - it only gets worse with moochers.
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Your father lives with you, is cared for by you and, but for you, would need to be in an assisted living facility. You are saving him an awful lot of money. You have given up your privacy. He is costiing you money. He gave you a used truck, and you think you owe him money?

Sit down figure out how much all this is costing you. Figure out dad's income. Dad should at least be covering your increased costs, not to mention your careging and inconvenience. Get a lawyer to draw up a room, board and caregiving contract. If dad balks, he's welcome to find better accomdations elsewhere.
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Why isn't he paying you room and board? If he lived in subsidized housing he would have to pay a percent of his income, plus provide his own food.
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It sounds like you aren't doing anything wrong. Are other family members likely to make a stink about money? I hope they would just see you doing a great job managing things, and would keep their mouths shut so they don't have to take over!

To protect yourself, make up some kind of record of what he gets for income, what you pay for, what you did with the truck, and especially how much money you actually give him each month.

You might want to look into a "care agreement" to put in writing what you are contributing, and what if anything he gives you. This could be VERY useful if he needs to apply for Medicare in the future. Look up "five year lookback."
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One question: why do you feel or think you need to spend money on the sibling who does very little while you're essentially providing room, board, meals, financial management, etc.?

I can see that you're seguing into a mode of thought much different from your first posts when you were contemplating bringing your father to live with you, and periodic posts along the way.

Remember that you've made a lot of compromises and sacrifices, ranging from the dog, your father's behavior, your own personal marital life. Don't let those changes interfere with the rational perspective you had when this all started.
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