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My mother would not follow my safety advice at home, and she does not listen to the nurses in the NH either. She has always been very independent minded and feisty - you can't tell her what to do or not do. With the dementia, she will resist following your advice, but even when she momentarily agrees and says "I'll try", she will forget 5 minutes later and continue whatever unsafe habit you are trying to make her change for her own good. Case in point: my Mom had a habit of lying diagonally on the bed or the sofa - before she went into the NH she had actually given up the bed and slept on the sofa for about a year. She had had a left hip replacement several years prior, with continuing osteoporosis and osteopenia (thinning bone). She insisted on laying diagonally on the sofa with left leg at the very edge. I would encourage her to lay straight, or the opposite way, to no avail. She was comfortable her way and you could not convince her otherwise. I would move the coffee table up against the sofa, in case she shifted in her sleep the leg would be on the table. Minute I turn around, she pushes the table away from the sofa. I gave it to her straight and warned her that one day would be the last fall (she had slipped off several times already) and she would end up in the hospital and be crippled. In one ear and out the other! Of course that exact scenario happened, which is how she ended up in the NH. She couldn't go home because she needed 24/7 care due to her dementia, and I could not live with her or sleep over every night. My own physical and mental health was already at crisis stage. She is not supposed to put her full weight on her legs, and is allowed to use the walker a few hours a day to support her weight (she's not heavy), or use the wheel chair. The walker is in her closet and she uses the wheelchair all day to "walk" (sits on the EDGE of the chair-no surprise there- and paddles with her feet). Some things are just beyond our control.
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If she's like my Dad, she expects to get hurt and figures the reward is worth the pain. In that case, guilt sometimes works. "I know you don't mind being in a coma for a month, but think how worried I'll be" ..... nah, on second thought, I don't think that will work. ferris advice is best... take all precautions.... know that she will push the envelope and be ready for it. what else can you do? I don't think we know enough to say much more than that. Feel free to be a little more specific about her situation. Lots of caring folks on here, someone's probably experienced it, whatever it is.
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I agree with lildeb - your profile says your mother is in a nursing home, or do you mean when you visit or bring her home with you she won't listen? It is difficult to know exactly what you mean, but seniors with and without memory loss are stubborn and do not take kindly to warnings from adult children with whom they have changed their diapers! If she is at your home, install railings, remove rugs, make sure halls and dark rooms are well-lit with LED lights (the kind you plug into a socket), and encourage her to be safe because you love her and want her well. Accidents are going to happen and you cannot be with her every second of every day. I'm a nurse, and I know how to keep my husband safe, but one of the pets could be in the way, he not see them and trip. I can't watch him all the time nor can you watch her. Best wishes.
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ps she wouldn't stop driving so we took her car.yup.Gotta do what ya gotta do sometimes.
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There is not always someone they WILL listen to.Mine lives with my family & will not listen at all.But she has dementia.Does yours have it as well? I just tell her what she needs to do,anfd I really have no control over her actually doing it,lol.I took her to the doctors,she ran away while I was in the hall,(even caretakers have to pee) she did get seen after 3 of us corraled her.good luck,and find help quickly.
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Does it work to tell her it's doctor's orders?
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I went through this with Mom for a long time. Unfortunately it took a few times of her actually hurting herself to understand and to trust my judgement over her own. Just keep explaining why and not just tell her what or what not, she can do. Patience and repetition. Good luck!
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I'm confused for your profile states that she lives at a NH. Are they not keeping an eye on her for her own safety? If u r taking her home with you n worried about certain safety issues then, like Nancy mention above,"Find someone they will listen to." Try to imagine you in her place n your grown children r trying to tell u what is best. Or get her to see if she can come up with ways for safety ideas if possible. That way she will feel like she is involved n might be willing to accept the help. Good luck.
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Find someone that she WILL listen to. Sometimes having one of the "kids" tell their mom or dad what to do won't work, even though they're grown adults.
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