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I'm the fulltime (24/7) caregiver for my 91 year old Grandmother who has Alzheimer's, and a ton of other medical conditions. That's already a hard enough job as it is, and I just found out that my mother who is disabled with fibromyalgia is going to be staying with us temporarily. My Dad has been working a lot of overtime, to the point where he has only had 2 days off in a month. It's gotten to the point where he's making himself sick, and I feel horrible because I can't get a job. I need to take care of my Grandma and now mother.


August 2015 I had been hit my a car while riding my bike home. That really freaked me out, and since then I get really anxious being outside. Even just walking 5 minutes to the 7-11 is hard for me. I really hate it, because I can't do any of the stuff I want to do. Such as take my Grandma to the park. I get nightmares all the time and rarely sleep well, and I get flashbacks a lot. If there's a sudden sound, or even just a bright light I just start seeing the accident again. Now because of it, I'm stuck inside just about everyday, all day long.


I tried to contact hospice to come and help me with my Grandma, and take some of the stress off me and my father. But our insurance denied us and we can't afford out of pocket. My parents don't have any friends, and I only have 3 friends. The problem is 1 my mother hates with a passion, and I don't trust around my Grandma. 1 just had a baby, and the other has to work. So it's just me.


I know my family needs me on the top of my game, especially now. I don't know how I can keep doing this, when all I want to do is sit in the dark and cry. I feel like I'm living a nightmare everyday, and there's nothing I can do about it. Most of all, I just feel guilty because I can't do more to help out my family, and because of that I've become very depressed. I know I should be able to do more, I need to. I just don't know how.

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Where are you located, Kay Kay? Our answers are assuming US, but here Hospice is covered 100% by Medicare. Here you could certainly take action to correct the police report. Here the car driver's insurance would cover the accident. So I'm inclined to think we are wrong about you being in the US.

You may be experiencing depression. Or anxiety. Or panic disorder. Or PTSD. Clearly you are having a mental health issue, and those are treatable. Do you have health insurance? In the US health insurance is required to cover mental health treatment.

You deserve to be able to enjoy going to the park. See a doctor! But don't go in with a self-diagnosis. Don't say "I have depression." List all your symptoms, how long they've been occurring, and whether there is anything that makes them worse or better. Let the doctor diagnose the problem, and recommend treatment. None of the possibilities seems to me to be do-it-yourself projects. For your sake, and your family's sake, please seek medical assistance.
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Not pushing drugs. But I was in a deep horrid depression a year ago when reality hit me with what was happening with my mom. I'm one of 4 surviving children but I'm the only one doing anything for her. And I work a full-time stressful job. So I talked to my family doctor and she prescribed me lexapro and thank God my mood and energy improved dramatically. I still have a few melancholy days. Mostly if I let myself ponder the loneliness or if I think about all the fun my siblings are having while I am stuck at home. But I get a good cry in and shake it off. May you find comfort during this trying time.
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Kay Kay grandma is 91 she must have Medicare.
Medicare pays for hospice in it's entirety.
You say you just had a baby the deppresion is probably post natal depression and is treatable.
Where is the baby's father in this equation?
This is becoming too complicated to keep track of so I really have no more to add.
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Deep Breathing - inhale 4 seconds exhale 7 seconds when feeling those anxiety attacks. Sounds like a form of PTSD. If insurance won't cover therapy for you, read more about CB Coping skills and put them to practice EVERYDAY. Best of Luck!
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KayKay, it's not often you'll hear me suggest this, but did you not consider going to a no-win no-fee personal injury lawyer? For a start, you could seek witness statements from the paramedics, whose details would be recorded on your hospital admission documents.

Big of her to stump up for the damage to her own car when she was speeding and hit a cyclist - I don't think. You've been robbed, our kid, unless there really is any suggestion that you were in the wrong lane or otherwise at fault. And it'd pay for your therapy, apart from anything else.
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@CM The stupid police messed up the report. She admitted to speeding and that it was her fault when she was talking to the paramedics, but when I got the report there were so many contradictory's that my friend and I made a game out of it. Such as I was in the bike lane, but it was my fault. They had me, not only going the wrong way, but on the street crossing the street I was on. I was going north, and they had me going west. They said I didn't have reflectors, and I had 4 because I rode at night a lot. They never took statements which they claimed, and they even marked the damage to her car wrong. It was the front left headlight, not the back right door. There's about 10 more, but that's all I can remember off the top of my head. Instead of fighting it in court, we got together and agreed that I would pay my medical bills and she'd pay for the damage to her car.
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Yowch! And her insurance? Never mind speeding fines or licence endorsements, what happened about the money?
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@C.M She did stop. I was hurt pretty badly though. Concussion, skull fracture, broken rib, road burns on half my body, complete tear to my rotator cuff, damage to my left leg, and damage to my left eye. I had been told that if my handle bars hadn't taken the front of the impact, there's a good chance that I wouldn't be here right now. She was going 55 in a 30 area, and the police messed up the report so badly that they lawyer couldn't do anything.
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@geevesnc I doesn't feel like I'm doing enough. Also it was over a year ago. They don't even think about it anymore. They pretty much only care about themselves and what they need. My Dad is so exhausted all the time, that he barely takes care of himself.
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Yes, what did happen immediately after your bike accident? Did the driver not stop, or something?
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You can only do so much, you're one person doing it ALL. Please stop beating yourself up.

Maybe sit down with your dad and explain your situation. You're already taking care of your grandma, overtime or no overtime he needs to take care of his wife. Don't be afraid to say, dad I just can't take care of mom too.

Nicole
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KayKay- stop berating yourself for not doing enough. You are doing plenty and it sounds like doing more than you should. First off, why is there no care for you, after being hit by a car?
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@CM I needed to. She wasn't getting the help that she needed.

Ah, ok. I'll look into it, but I don't think I can afford therapy. :(
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Ah! - got it. Your mother's moving in with you and grandma temporarily, yes? Is this to take some pressure off your father? That's a good thing, of course. Just a pity that no one seems to be trying to do the same for you :/

CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, first developed (I believe) in the Korean War to assist with (what was not yet called) post traumatic stress disorder, which all the same was recognised as a mental injury deserving treatment. It works by identifying thought patterns and altering your response to them; and it's one of the types of psychological therapy that has proven, demonstrable effectiveness. People get sniffy about it sometimes because it doesn't probe deep into the psyche; but then again as long as it gets you out of the house will you mind if it's a bit superficial?
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@CM What's CBT? Also, her and my father have their own apartment.
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CBT to get you over the panic-attack hump. It's a crutch, and a short-term fix, but sometimes that's what you need to get you started.

Um. Where does your mother normally live?
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