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My Father is currently in Rehab and refuses to participate in anything. He was diagnosed with dementia and dysphagia. He has anger issues. I have been taking care of him for three years. He been verbaly abusive and sometimes he tries to be physically. When I try to help him with anything he yells at me and throws things at me hes only 75 but everyone close to me says it time for a nursing home hes physically unable to take care f himself. I just cant separate the emotional part from the mental part of the decision. Anyone have any suggestion we tried the 24hr care giver he scares them all away. The Doctor called and said we need to decide if we want him to have a feeding tube because of his swallowing issues. Lost lots of weight 50 pds in 3 months.

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A feeding tube? I really think if he's in that kind of situation, you need to get him into a nursing home. He needs more care than you can give, and his needs could endanger your own health.

Please consider this. You aren't giving up on him, you are just getting help. The in-home help folks you've gotten don't seem to be able to handle him, so you really do need a different care plan.

Good luck and please don't feel guilty. This is for him as well as you.
Carol
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I agree with Carol and DragonFlower. Your dad's care needs are far beyond what you should attempt at this point. Nursing home care is without question the best solution for you now. Consider this: if your dad can't swallow, his nutrition needs are not being met. At some point his body will not have the means to fight off an infection. He would end up in the hospital. If he recovers he will not be in worse shape and he'll need nursing home care anyway. Far too many people cause additional damage to their family member by continuing to postpone the nursing home decision. Don't be one of them. A bigger issue is whether or not your dad wants a feeding tube. Have you discussed that with him? Does he want to be kept alive in such a condition?
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Speaking as an RN, your father's medical condition necessitates nursing home care. It is in his best interest to have him cared for in a NH setting, where he can be monitored 24/7. It would be irresponsible for you to keep him home at this point - he presents a danger to himself and others. "Minding" is correct in her comment - you should not feel guilty.
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You have to separate your emotions from this and think of what he would have wanted. When he was healthy, did you hear him talk about how he felt about quality of life instead of quantity of life? My dad suffers from Alzheimer's & Parkinson's and I know that quality was more important to him. He is starting to show signs of difficulty in swallowing. There is a treatment that involves electrical stimulation that the therapists have used, but I will not sign for feeding tubes because I know that he wouldn't have chosen that for himself. Good luck to you and your family. Caring for our parents is a hard job...I'm overseeing the care of both parents.
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Thanks for all the support. I agree with the feeding tube not being what he wants. Its still a very hard decision for me but I know whats right. Everyone states its time. But hes only 75 and I also know that he put himself in this situation he did not take very good care of himself. I went today to visit him with a friend of mine we brought him a pre lit Christmas tree and decorated his side of the room but all he did was scream at us to leave and he called us names. It just very sad.
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flyinsusie, you need to dump the idea of him ONLY being 75 years old. I've seen many people with varying issues in nursing homes that are much younger than your father. Not everyone can age 'gracefully', so it's time to put aside the whole age thing.
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