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Dad has dementia, no short term memory. What if mom dies first? Dads 85 mom is 84. I'm sure folks have dealt with this issue. Will I have to remind him every day, every hour that mom is gone? Will we keep repeating his grief process? Kinda morbid question, but the situation is likely for us. Any thoughts?

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WR, so far Dad fully understands Mom is gone. He'll leave her old bedroom door sometimes and go in, but around dinnertime he'll close it because he can see into the room from the dining room table.

I haven't had to remind him. That's now. In the future, who knows?

Right now, it seems the biggest issue is that he always assumed he'd go first. I guess you could say this screwed up his plans. I know he feels a little ... what? Cheated? He's fighting it and getting used to the idea of life without Mom, but his decline has steepened a bit.

Admittedly, this is something I hadn't thought of. The closest to this I've seen happen in my household was when Mom (in delirium) kept asking me where _her_ mom was. I think I said something vague like, "she's waiting for you, but she says not to hurry on her account." That was less than a week before Mom died.

So how do I answer if Dad asks later? Dogged if I know.

Tough business, this caregiving thing.
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Nobody knows who will go first. Grandma King wanted to be buried next to her daughter. Her grandson asked if he could be buried there instead. So Grandma King said whoever goes first gets the spot. To her horror, the grandson dropped dead at 31. He got the spot he wanted.
What if you die before both of them?
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