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I think the fairer title would include - "and Other's Attitudes Towards Dad" I've written elsewhere about dad's finances. I've gotten a lot of good advice, and made some headway with dealing with him. But there are some things that have come to light as a result of the talks we've had about his finances and his future. First, dad is obviously depressed. Someone suggested it in another thread, and I mentioned that his home-care provider (at the time) was supposed to set up a psych evaluation. That never happened. Surprise! On Friday the home care supervisor called me "to check on dad." This is after his last visit was in July. I asked if it was normal to wait four months for a follow up call, and why his psych evaluation never happened? She promised to call me back within in an hour. It is now 9 PM, Sunday night. I'm still waiting... Dad also told me that he was very depressed because his doctor had said he was not going to get any better, and was probably going to die soon. Well, he has gotten better, has already lived six months past that appointment, is walking, and talking about taking photos again. But, he is still depressed because of the doctor's pessimism. I've finally managed to get him a new doctor through the VA - the switch took three months, and a 200 mile round trip to a VA hospital by me to see a patient advocate in person. He's still recovering from that trip, made several weeks ago with my cousin. Another thing that he admits depressed him was when physical therapy dropped him. He was making strides - he was wheel chair bound, and had started walking - when he got dropped because he admitted he could not keep up with the exercise and visit schedule. The therapist said he was suffering from low energy - although he tried to keep up, he just couldn't. So they dropped him. Dad says he feels it was obvious "that they didn't see me as worth the effort. They figure I'm going to die soon." I am constantly trying to fight this message, and this thinking. But it is hard when so many other sources not only reinforce it, but actually feed it. Another issue is outright disrespect, if not discrimination. A few weeks ago, Dad's bank changed hands. The next day, dad's debit card quit working. It's the only one he has. I called the bank to see if he had misread his balance? No, he was fine. They put a "fraud hold" on his account. I asked why? "It could be dozens of reasons. Anything, really." was their reply. They wanted dad to come - in person - to their branch with a photo ID, and two utility bills showing his address. Huh? Well, I drove him over, I gave them his VA card, SS card, and two medical bills. He doesn't have many utility bills, he only pays for water here. They told me it was all taken care of, and his debit card was unfrozen. Two days later, he tried to get out money for his in home companion. Nope. Frozen again. Called them up, the VA card was no good. They wanted a driver's license or state ID. Took me two hours to find his driver's license and bring it over to them. Nope! He has to come in person. I brought him the next day. They took it, and told him that now they wanted ANOTHER utility bill. He doesn't have one. I told him to close the account, and let's go elsewhere. They told us it our fault for not driving to their regional headquarters bank to get it straightened out. They are five hours from here... How the hell do I keep my Dad sane in a world that treats elderly people like piles of dog S#$! ?

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Hi Sunny, we are looking today at different banking options. Unfortunately, it took us a long time dealing with red-tape and bureaucratic inaction to get his doctor changed. Add to that fact that I have been dealing with Dad without any family help 95% of the time ( my cousin tries, but she is almost three hours away ), and I obviously have not kept after some issues as hard, or as often, as in retrospect I should have.

Some things - like demanding to know why they never did the psych evaluation on Dad - have just gotten lost in the hurricane of dealing with everything and everyone else that has been an issue. That's not an excuse, mind you. But it is a fact.
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Your options might be limited, but, I found that having my accounts at small banks where I knew the branch staff is helpful. They know my voice and I am able to call them to address most of my problems. Of course, they still ask security questions, but, I am able to do most things over the phone, if not online.

Your dad does sound discouraged and possibly depressed. Have they mentioned medication that might help with his mood?
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The healthcare agency is the only one in our area. We have lots of choices - all them!!!

The bank used to be fine, Dad banked there for years. They changed hands, and now it's basically, if you don't like it - tough! I'm taking him to a new bank, but it is very frustrating for him.
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Erwin, I think the problems are the result of the agency/bank that have been selected. Make a checklist of the services you need and start contacting others in those categories to find ones that suit your needs.

You'll probably have to do some interviewing and asking of questions to find ones that are more cooperative. Start with the home care agency. I've had some good ones, some superb, and one that was below standards. Just keep looking and interviewing.
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Erwin, my frustration would have been over the top. I hope you got the account closed and opened another one. In the world of elder care it can be like no one cares. What you said about the home care person not following up or calling back doesn't surprise me at all. I don't have any answers to it. It's like someone sends all these people to classes on how to make caregiving even harder. When you find someone who really cares and is competent, it is like finding a jewel.

Vent away. It sounds like you've earned the right.
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That post was too long, sorry! It is confusing to read. I saw the patient advocate, my cousin handled the follow-up with dad ( a huge help). If you can't understand anything else I wrote, just holler. I'm exhausted.
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