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Today after I worked all day i took my mom to the grocery store we got into fight and she said to take her back home..finally got her to go in with me. Totally stressful.....btw i also have a 4 yr dog that cant use her back legs......so add that on....just need some kind of advice. Need to try to have some ME time....

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I work with clay. I make magnets and clay figures for others, this makes me feel good.
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Music and art are great stress relievers. Strauss and Beethoven are especially helpful...Strauss' waltzes are so lyrical that they're uplifting, and Beethoven's work is so exceptionally brilliant, so universal, that it's a transcending experience to listen to it.

If you think you can't draw, get a basic art book from the library and just start. There's certainly talent involved in art, but a lot of learning how to improve is based on instruction which anyone can learn.

Animals are great stress relievers as well; petting an animal has been proven to reduce blood pressure. If you're not in a position to care for an animal (like me), a little soft furry toy animal will work.

And daydreaming can take you out of your environment. I dream about gardening and can feel my breathing slowing down.

Next on my list is to add Tai Chi; I've done Yoga but at my age it's too hard to twist up into a pretzel!
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Sallie I'm agnostic too. I've discovered pickleball (you can watch videos on youtube) and it's given me joy in my life again. I've reawakened my inner athlete that's been hidden for 40 years and it's helping me lose weight. For the first time I can remember, I'm enjoying exercise.

I also started Tai Chi in January, which gives me a quieter kind if peace. But when I leave pickleball (I play Mondays and Friday) I feel pure JOY. What a wonderful feeling!! So try to find something you'll feel passionate about and really enjoy. Your stress will be gone for a while, I guarantee.
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I'm Agnostic so that doesn't work for me
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They call stress the silent killer as it causes all sorts of health issues. Lori I expect you have some way of helping your dog get around.
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Stress is bad! I also believe the stress of helping my mom care for my dying father then being falsely accused of stealing thousands of dollars from them caused my breast cancer. I was exonerated after my sister was caught stealing money from my mom. I now care for my 76 year old mother who moved next door to me and has COPD. She us on Oxygen 24/7 never drove or made friends. The same siblings who accused me don't help at all.
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Jeanne Gibbs yes you have to do everything legally. We did have a spend down. We focus money on house repairs. We started with a lawyer all my mother's assets where put in a trust. We sold my mother's home. Everything at the end was a lot of work. My sister had to show every penny in and out of my mother's assets. The taxes where paid when the house sold. The lsst $10,000.00 was held back by the lawyer. Until the 3 siblings released my sister as POA. Every penny was accountable. It is just putting your assets to a different use. We all released my sister of any legal action and agreed how money was spent. The 10,000.00 was then divided. For all of us we have to have a special form. I forgot the name ? Wpk. An account had to go through everything that happened in my mother's estate. Everything was fine. I finally had the form to file my taxes. All siblings do. My mother's estate is finally closed 2 1/2 years later. Every penny accounted for. All bills paid. Estate closed. It is a lot of work at the end. Fyi when you have a house you need to have the house asset for worth of property. Then when you sell. Your taxable income is what the house sold for and then you take what the house was worth at the time of death, and that is your taxable income. The you can deduct money spent after my mother's death. We had to put a new septic system to sell the house. The money we spent left us with very little taxable income. Estate closed
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Please get in touch with ALZ Connected. They are there 24/7 with wonderfully trained counselors. 800-272-3900. If they have a high call volume you will get a return call usually within an hour. You can just talk, sometimes we don't need specific advise but just a warm body to talk to. They have big ears and can listen if you just need to vent. They can also provide excellent local info in your area.
Peace, love and happiness from a old hippie and some good sleep.
PLEASE call them.
Paula
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I suffer from PTSD. we all have stress in our lifes. I care for my mother for 12 years and lived with her for 8 years. The last 6 months she was on hospice care. I suffered a severe worked related accident that made me disabled. My mariage was breaking up and my daughter was hospitalized for severe anxiety and depression 3 times in the eight years. I had help for my mother 40 hrs a week. That was my respite. She was golden to me and my mother. My mother died in her own home. Painfree. She was so peaceful when she died July 2011. Life goes on. I grieved for my mother for a year and half. Me and my 3 sibling survived everything what happened in dealing with my mother. That was a miracle. I cant work and i have survived it. My daughter is much better. I am divorcing my husband. At the end of the day. I know my mother is with my father and they are at peace. I have accepted my disability. I see a Psychiatrist and i have therapist. Live is good! I dont regret anything I did for my mother. I would do it again. What i can say life goes on. We get into very stressful situations. All I can suggest is take one day at a time and get respite. Things will get better.
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Ashlynne, I can believe that this can be PTSD. Plus stress can cause a lot of health issues, and I honestly believe it was a major contributor to me getting breast cancer. I never told my parents because at the time my Dad was just recovering from a heart attack.
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freqflyer someone on here said it's like having PTSD for life and that struck a chord with me. I don't think we ever really get over it, just move forward and rebuild our lives the best we can. Without my beloved dogs I'd have been in the looney bin long ago.
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We all deal with stress differently. I was and still am a very shy person, so stress comes at me like a ton of bricks. And I have paid dearly with serious health issues.

I am trying to deal with transportation issues with my parents since they no longer drive. After driving them for 5 years, I have found driving now terribly stressful for me, by the time we get to their doctor appointment I am shaking.

For groceries I recently tried curb-side service which worked out great, I place an order on-line and the next day I can pull up to the store and my order is ready. I thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. My parents were happy with the process so I thought BINGO, we have a winner.....

Yesterday my parents said to help me out that I could drive THEM to the grocery store, drive back home and drive back to the store an hour later, and drive them back home. HELLO, the issue is for me to have LESS time on the road. Isn't anyone listening to me!!!

Me time is hard to find because even if you have down time, you are still thinking about your parent(s) and that raises the blood pressure... it seems never ending. Even when my parents pass on, I feel it will take years to shake the stress for me.
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Kathleen2251932, your advice about getting help is spot on.

Giving away money, putting assets in someone else's name, or generally trying to hide assets from Medicaid can backfire and have serious consequences. It is better to see an attorney who specializes in Elder Law to find legitimate ways to handle assets and spending down.
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I had home service in the beginning who would come and bathe my mother 3 x a week. She was very good. I would have her come and watch my mother. I had three sibling that never helped me. My husband gave me time out. You need a break and you need to sleep. I always had a small dose if my mother needed it. But, rarely she needed it. There are geriatric daycare centers that will give you 6 hrs of time and will pick them up too. You can get help in the morning they will clean and dress them. The thing is they only can have $2000 of money in the bank. Put the money somewhere else and call Elder affairs in your community. When my mother became bed bound. I had my girl increase her hours to 40 a week. When she was off. I had girls and I fired four of them. Hospice picked up on the other two days and I was fine. There is help. If you are poor you are fine. If your parent has money. Put it in someone else name.
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All caregiver go through high-stress days. I'm sorry you are having one now.

As JessieBelle says, we could respond more specifically if we knew more about your situation.
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It sounds like a bad day, Lori. How old is your mother? Do you live together? Does your mother have anything special wrong with her? Is she always hard to get along with? Let us know a bit more and I know people will have some things to say.

I know the love and hardship that comes with special needs animals. Bless you for taking care of a special dog. I know that he appreciates all you do for him.
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