How to deal with a mooching family member?

"Dad, I'm going to take over paying your bills. Here's why. First, you have enough to worry about without worrying about writing checks and balancing the checkbook. Second, we've got to band together and save Nephew Lazy Ass from himself. He needs to support himself. Third, dad would be just SICK at the way Nephew Lazy Ass is mooching off you. If he were alive, gramps, you know he wouldn't let this go on. How about this? Let's pay him a generous stipend for all the things he does for you. Wouldn't that be better than just handing him money? Let's try it and see what happens, okay?"

In other words, don't be authoritarian with gramps. Manipulate him. Once you have the checkbook, DO pay him for things he does for gramps. If nothing else, he's there during the night in case of emergency. Don't sell his contribution too short. Without him, maybe gramps couldn't continue living there.

Does Grand-dad write the nephew a check or hands him over cash? If it is a check, maybe it is time to have checks made where each check requires two signatures.... your Grand-dad's signature and that of the Power of Attorney. That would also work if your Grand-dad writes a check for cash and gets money from the bank.

This one hit too close to home! 6 sibs in our family. Oldest brother felt he was entitled to "EVERYTHING" because he was oldest. My parents lived on SS due to dad's disability at age 58--so you know they had very little. W/O the knowledge of the rest of the sibs, he slowly bled my parents almost dry. When they sold their house to move into my younger brother's home--we found mom& dad had second and third mortgaged their place to give oldest bro almost $100K. Also "loaned" baby sis $50K. A stern talking to from my brother who is an acct made dad aware that he had been manipulated and he was so embarrassed--at that point the brother who has POA had his name on all checks and mom was put on a cash only basis to pay most bills. The rest had to be checked by the POA brother. Dad made it abundantly clear that eldest brother and baby sister are to inherit nothing upon his or mother's death. Eldest brother was so angry he refused to come to dad's funeral. Brother passed away 2 year ago paying not one cent back. (In fact, mother slipped him cash every time she saw him, and then just did without, herself). My parents never saved for retirement, believing that's what SS did for you. So sad, here they were, in their 70's and 80's,still worrying about every cent. Cut that weasel off!! The takers will take until there isn't a penny--and do so remorselessly. This caused a rift in our family that will never be healed. (baby sister was forgiven her debt, but she will not inherit)--jokes on the rest of us, there's nothing to inherit but a very small life insurance policy--which my brother tells me "our portion won't even pay for a decent used car"...I don't care, I don't look at my mother's estate as "easy money" but I am still angry that my brother used and abused them so much. Baby sis at least made payments on a regular basis--a whole different story there.

I was going to suggest chat with the Sicilian Mafia. A little dust up? Would that be out of line?

(Only kidding, of course, but I did have the thought...where are they when you need them?)

This is a tough one, cause grandpa raised him!! I helped raise my niece and I also favor her over the other nieces and nephews. Please keep us posted...thanks!

Oh yah Salisbury!! I have too!

Granddaughter74, Ask the local prosecutor to investigate elder financial abuse of your grandfather. Immediately hire an attorney and petition for a Guardian to be appointed over Grandpa's finances. In the petition, include the evidence that nephew has already begun to decimate the estate.

Grandaughter74, I did some venting here and know exactly the anguish you are experiencing. You have had no choice but to stand by and simmer as I once did.

My only suggestion is to involve the authorities; at least alert them to what is going on and ask "what can be done to protect your grandfather from further exploitation".

The county Office on Aging might have resources available to caring POAs like yourself. Now that there are memory issues, his "competence" may be called into question.

omg ... is soooooo agreee, it's unbelievable what people do! im experiencing that in my family...thank god he has gotten the money yet, but he did take the Trust and POA and we haven't seen him in eight months!! my mother is bedridden and I am the POA and need those papers! my dad was so upset he tried to change the Trust but couldn't because he didn't have the POA to sign for my mother!!! he could only change his part of the Trust!!! GET THE LEGAL PAPERS IN A PLACE THEY CAN'T BE FOUND!!!

Granddaughter74, because of our own situation, I was wondering if you depend on nephew for care for your grandfather? For him not to be alone? Is there co-dependency? We have a moocher also living with my MIL; have managed to extricate his tentacles from most of her funds but he continues to get completely free living and food. However, she is so dependent on him emotionally that when he thought he might be able to move into another free situation (didn't work out for him - duh) she was a basket case for three days. We were truly worried about what the emotional stress was doing to her mind (w/Alzheimer's). So now we see him as a necessary evil. We still monitor, keep his paws off her money, and do EVERYTHING that she needs from our own home, but will deal with booting him out when she is gone.