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Yes it's me again. after 3 hospital stays in a year my grandmother is yet again lashing out and not eating much for the past 2 days. I feel like I'm way over my head. I tried to get answers and I was informed that she has no dementia and that all levels are good just try to get her out of the house. Well I tried that and no avail she refuses to leave or stay in the house. She has been acting like a lost child. Ever since her best and only closest friend died when they weren't on good terms it seems like she has guilt and remorse she didn't get to express or apologize for what she did. Lately she has been emotional and she won't open up at all and when I try to get her to she won't or lash out on me. I feel that she is holding in what she feels. Even though she might say here and there that she is grateful that he left money for me but it was all in her name now. She has been spending on mostly herself and the money that was supposed to be for me has been spent a while ago now. It hurts me by how she acted and is acting about it. She once said she wishes he was alive so she can get more money from him. I told her how could she say that but she as usual brushed it off and said it was nothing. In a way I feel that she only liked him because he raised me and gave her money but since he isn't around she's retreating in. As the many years I known how she is her mood swings and meanness isn't new. But with her not eating to me shows that she is giving up on life. I tried to get her help but she refuses it. She refuses anti depressants even down to seeing a therapist of any kind. She'll make up excuses to the doctors and they will take her word over me sometimes. I just feel like I should walk away and start on myself and on my life. She's been treating me the same way she treated me when I was in high school and middle school. Getting upset that I want to just spend some alone time away from the house or even in my room. I'm constantly around her and I try to get her to talk to her friends but she won't even bother to call them. Even when I call them she will pretend that she's bored or asleep so they will leave. I just don't know what to do now. I was practicing my guitar and studying for my drivers test but every time I want to she will throw a hissy fit. At times I feel like she intentionally makes herself sick knowing that I will help her either way. She even took advantage of me by drinking mostly all of some alcoholic beverage that I wanted to save for my birthday this year. She drank both bottles that I had. When I brought it up to her she acted like I was attacking her when I simply said hey if you wanted one you could had had it but not drink both of them without asking me. She can be nice at times but mostly she can be very vindictive and mean. She hated this lady for no reason at her job she had last year. The lady asked her why do you hate me so much and she said because the way you act. She can be like a spoiled child but yet everyone is the bad guy including me. She can be an injustice collector. Yet when she gets sick she will blame the doctor or will tell them that I did it. It hurts how she's been acting but I really need some advice. She's too independent for a nursing home or retirement home and they are too expensive. I feel like I should get out on my own and just check on her on my off days if I can get a job and make sure she's eating. But I feel it's time that I let go and start on my life. I just don't know what else to do. I try to get her to accept the help i give her even when its just someone to talk to or fix things that I can't fix to getting assistance with things and she will then lash out on me about it, or say she can do it her own self. Should I just let go and just honestly stop caring so much and make sure she's okay and make plans to take the bull by the horns and start living life?

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Thank you! I will of course talk to some close neighbors around here. And have a talk with her when her emotions clear up. I told her once before if I can find a place in a new city to get her out of here then I will but for the time being I need to get on my feet with something either here or the school I applied for in Cleveland. Even though it is a long way it is a manageable trip on the weekends with the megabus and Amtrak but it is only when I save enough money and find a someone reliable as a roommate or my best friend who wants to move there too. But until then I have to of course keep my sanity and help her but start going out to do what I need to do. I guess I feel bad because of her tantrums of those many years but I feel I need some direction to start with. I tried many times to get a job here but nothing has came through for me while Cleveland has more opportunities in what I'm working for and have a higher pay as well some better choices in lifestyle etc..than where I am. I just hope I can get the ball rolling and find not only a place for me but for her as well.
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Good for you, and I promise you she will not starve to death. Before you leave, make sure the house is stocked with food she can fix , cook or microwave...and let someone close to ya'll know you won't be there 24/7 anymore so maybe someone can come check on her...
But do not expect this to be easy, if she is treating you like this now, she is not going to be a happy camper when you make this stand for independence.. you will have to try very very hard not to let the things she is going to say interfere with your choice of not being abused anymore... somehow this lady has mangaged before you came along, she won't like it, but she can do it.... you are not being selfish or unloving, you are simply tired of the abuse... It truly is that simple, I know you have many emotions tied up in this, but you will have time and privacy to sort all that out here real soon....once you get some distance from her, it will be easier for you to understand. But I encourge you to do what you feel is right for YOU... she will be ok, you are not abondoning her... she is very capable from what you have shared...and I encourge you to read other posts and threads about people leaving or finding placement from abusing parents and grandparents.. it will help you to understand you are not alone, and you will read how they dealt with their feelings and where they are now with things.... it can be done... you can do it.... you have support here... let us know how you are... just stay safe, make good choices for yourself... play your guitar like you a rock star.... hugs to you...and keep reminding yourself, she really knows why you will be leaving, so you do not have to subject yourself to an explanation... just find some happiness... this is not your job to take care of her.... good luck and prayers for your freedom...
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Thank you. I guess that's what I'm looking for validation. I love her is true and I'm crying over the fact of leaving but my heart can't take it anymore. I tried my best I fought hard to get her misdiagnoses of dementia moved and she past the test not once but three times and even passed it orally with the doctor mixing up the questions and even giving her a CAT scan as well to see how her brain looks from her fall from last time. And seeing how I got help for her medicine her one bottle would cost 30 I got it for her for 2 at the pharmacy by filling out paperwork to get her more assistance. Yet she holds it against me sometimes for getting help for her or trying to get her to open up about how she feels. I just can't take the blaming or the lashing out. I feel that she kinda have to start doing more on her own. She even has me get her cigarettes even they are just a foot away. She can cook on her own I watched her do it and she can even drive and use the washing machine since its very easy and easy to read for her. But yet she will get upset if I want to just relax or take a break from cooking and doing little things for her. I will wait to see if she's going to eat more and hopefully maybe a friend could at least help me get on my own.
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Sounds like you have your own answer and are just needing some validation and encourgment to get on with your life.... if she does not accept any help and is able to stay by herself... then by all means, get out on your own....and if it comes to her needing help in her home, you can get assitance with that... it can't be stressed enough on this sight, that NO ONE has to be abused for the sake of taking care of someone...
If you are trying to get a drivers liscense then you are still young... go for that life you want and need... you only get to be young once... seems we get to be old forever. So fly like a bird sweetie, get on out there and find your place in the world..... much love and support to you.... let us know how things are going and let us know of your new adventures..... hugs across the miles to you...
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