Daughter wants to force us to attend Senior Center. How can we get her to leave us alone?

I'm sure you have already spoken to her, it's just that she won't lsten. Tell her again, politely and firmly, 'thanks for your concern. We don't want to go'. She cannot force you to do anything you don't want to. She might mean well, but the buck stops with you. Don't let your daughter push you around. All the nest, Arlene H.

Regardless, it sounds like you have a terrific daughter who is sensitive and cares enough about you to try and make your life a bit brighter and happier. Sometimes people don't realize what they have until it's gone. Of course, only you can make your choices.

We don't need to "check out" the Sr. Center because we are well aware of what goes on there. Until 2 years ago, we entertained there once a month (as well as at 8 NH around the county.) We get their 'meals on wheels' and so have the scehdule of the available activities. Believe me when I say, there are none that interest us. Besides, neither of us drive anymore, so have no way to get there if there was something. AL is almost double our income, but I'd love to go there. Anyone have a bag of money laying around that you'd like to get rid of?

Sometimes the elderly can find it very hard to recognize when they're actually dealing with a problem. That's because at the time you're dealing with something you probably don't wear that for so long you probably don't even realize it's even a problem. This is also due to being used to doing stuff for yourself and living independently.

Sometimes our parents are in denial of their ages and abilities. I remember handing my parents a lovely large booklet about this fantastic retirement village just down the road that had indoor swimming pool, restaurants, hike trails, etc. I left the booklet with my parents. Couple weeks later I asked them what did they think about the place. Dad said "looks nice, maybe in a few years"..... HELLO, you are 92 and 96.... [sigh].

Heck, the place is so nice, I plan to downsize and move in myself :)

What I would strongly suggest is explaining your daughter that you just don't be already for that just yet. Just explain to her how you feel. If you don't speak up, you'll only end up blowing up later, which you really don't want. Just explain to her that when you feel ready that you'll at very least check out the senior center, But not until you actually feel ready. You can tell your daughter to stop pressuring you to do something that you just don't want to do, at least not right now. If she persists after the warning, you can warn her that you will cut off contact until such time that she starts respecting you and your wishes. I'm not a total introvert, but I'm not a total extroverted either. I'm actually somewhere in the middle. I would not want to be forced to spend time with someone or something that I just wasn't ready for, because this would make me very resentful because I would be very angry at everyone. This is something that you just don't want, which is why you need to stand strong by standing up for yourself and your wishes. As long as your daughter is not your guardian and you are able to make reasonable decisions safely, your daughter cannot force you into anything

When my mother first moved from Chicago to Denver about 11 yrs ago after loosing 2 husbands, the change was very hard for her (as you can imagine). She loved living by Wrigleyville... However, my youngest brother who lived an hour away from her rarely came to visit (even when she needed help). When my stepfather passed away, she sold her house and (thank God) she came to live by me. Her neighborhood quickly changed when developers moved in so most of her neighbors moved. My mother was 76 when she came to live by me and ended p living with me (which actually made things easier on me to deal with things). My mother was never one for socializing, but I can tell you that as she pushed herself to get out and meet new people at church and yes, the senior center it has kept her mentally and physically healthy. It hasn't been easy at all for her loosing 2 husbands to cancer and having a daughter giving her advise (she's extremely head strong and of course wants to remain independent). But, had she not had a daughter like me, her life would have been extremely different. My 2 brothers would have put her in an assisted living place years ago. It wouldn't have been good at all. I only wish I had a daughter like myself to be with me during my later years. God Bless all mother's, daughter's and son's.

Tell your daughter you appreciate her concern and love her for it, but the senior center is not for you or your husband. The way you posted on this site you want to be left alone, seems kind of harsh considering she takes you to medical appointments and church. Be grateful for what your daughter does do for you, some adult children don't do anything for their elderly parents.

Agreed, CM. I don't know why women devalue themselves like that. They are worth so much more, but don't seem to realize it.

i have a can of something called " golden malrin " it kills things from 20 feet away . see your local farm co - op store . a pint jar is only 8 bucks ..

Twerking should be banned! If ever there was a case for a universal moral value...

CM, many (probably most) Baptists don't see dancing as sinful now. Square dancing is big in the more puritanical Baptist churches. One local group of Baptists sponsors monthly square dances. The place is always packed on the videos I've seen. They look like they are having a good time. It is also a good place for eligible boys and girls to see each other. We won't go into courtship rituals here, though. The more primitive type Baptists have a protocol that most people these days would find unusual. It's actually a bit charming in the old fashioned sense.

Many older Baptist women do ballroom dancing. The seniors have a monthly dance in a town near to hear. It is well attended. Me, I got two left feet and a lag time in my brain that makes dancing nearly impossible. It doesn't take anyone long to figure out that I really CAN'T dance. The brain doesn't work right for it.

Twerking, however, would be banned. :P

What I find so troubling about the ban of activities because they're affiliated or part of another religious practice is the discrimination against people who believe differently and live life in different ways.

My recommendation for those people is to take a world history course and learn about other countries and their beliefs, especially those of ancient civilizations, and their contributions to arts, literature, science and government.

We humans have to share air, land, water and other resources. It's about time we learned how to get along with others who don't believe as we do because there may be a time when those resources are going to be scarce and cooperation will be mandatory.

Got to go and google now.

Amott6, you asked how you could get your daughter to leave you alone about the senior center. Do you want her to leave you alone about other things too, or is it ok if she still visits you?

VStefans, thanks for answering that. I am sure the wine was just for Timothy because I am allergic to it; but wasn't the apostle Peter who dreamed we could take and eat (anything)? We could start a new thread, but it is not allowed on this caregiver forum, understandably, so I will honor that.

I don't mind what rules people care to adopt as long as it doesn't stop those who need it getting some gentle exercise: I just wish people wouldn't throw out the baby with the bathwater. Is there a Baptist-approved 'movement to music' type programme, then? I can't believe it's anyone's idea of virtue to be physically as well as doctrinally unbending.

Oy, I live in Alabama, where the Baptists can be almost puritanical. I find it mind bending and oppressive. I dislike seeing people beat over the head with the Bible. It usually has more to do with the personality of the oppressor than the Bible itself. If you're seeking to condemn someone, the Bible is a ready source of any type of condemnation you might want to throw. Trouble is that the people doing the condemning are pointing at the splinter in someone's eyes while missing the tree that is growing out of their own.

FF, I just googled the phrase you suggested - could hardly believe what I was reading.

I have heard of church halls closing their doors to yoga when it involves meditation, but it usually turns out that the doors have been closed by an over-enthusiastic secretary of the parish council rather than the resident vicar and things get sorted out in the end. It is news to me, I must admit, that tai chi could be seen in the same light.

I'm a little disappointed. I was half-expecting something much livelier.

GardenArtist, google "what Christian groups reject tai chi?" and there will be some articles where the Catholic Church had rejected yoga and tai chi. Guess it's ok to take powerful addictive prescription meds to relax instead of doing tai chi. Go figure.

Sendme, "yoga and tai chi are actually mind/spiritual practices that a christian does not practice." Is this really true? What sects are these?

Some Christians even sing, dance and drink "a little wine for the sake of the digestion." But, for those with scruples against these things, we are supposed to honor them. So saith Saint Paul!

Agog to hear, You are sooo very smart, Countrymouse.
For example: Some christians who actually practice their beliefs (wait, isn't this off topic?) Aren't there any christians out there who would know the answer? Do I have to be the one to explain and then be "persecuted" for saying the truth?
I was happy to volunteer at the senior center!
For one example, bingo is considered gambling by legalists; yoga and tai chi are actually mind/spiritual practices that a christian does not practice. Etc. There are, however, "christians" who practice these things, no judgment here, there are many varieties of faith and many more varieties of practices. Christian Apologetics blog is located on another site, however. Since I was addressing someone who goes to church, I thought it was safe to state what I did. Please forgive me if anyone has been offended.

Also, it occurs to me, if nobody ever attends these places who has plenty of vim and vigour about him or her, then no wonder they're so dreary. I know my late grandfather-in-law used to hide in his private suite and avoid the dining room because he was terrified of the predatory widows in his ALF, bless him; but then I think of my great aunt - a card-carrying Communist and Berlin evacuee who landed in a Zionist care home in Massachusetts where she must have turned the air blue - or my SIL's MIL - safe at last in Abraham's breast, poor old Abraham, and definitely not a communist, card carrying or otherwise - and at least they must have made life *interesting.*

Maybe you should go. Start something!

PS What on earth are they up to that doesn't fit well with anyone's religious beliefs? I am agog to hear.

Tell your daughter what it is you would like to do, and ask her to help you with that, or send someone from church. Maybe you could volunteer at church and they would come to pick you up.

amott, a year from now remember what you wrote here.... I don't want to hear that you wished your daughter would spent more time visiting because you and hubby are getting tired of staring at four walls ;)

Believe me, that is what I am hearing from my parents when they dug in their heels regarding the senior center years ago. I know my parents would have enjoyed the monthly movies and eating lunch among others of their own age group [the lunch menu didn't look half bad].

We love you, but you are being a pain, and over-stepping any real or perceived authority you have imagined. Honor your parents enough to respect our wishes. We like seeing you, but your efforts to save us from isolation is not your role.

Daughter, we do get out, we walk and enjoy each other's company, we may hear from friends at church/or can call upon them. Thank you for your concern, but the Sr. Ctr. is not for everyone. They even have activities that don't fit well with our
religious beliefs. We understand that this is all you may know to advise us, but you are misinformed. Please stop this, or my friend, Maggie Marshall will help me ground you! Hope this is helpful.

I used to walk by a senior center in New York that struck fear in my heart. it was a big square open space with massive windows so people couldd just stand and stay at the seniors. It probably had about forty card tables set up. Some had seniors sitting alone trying to eat their bologna sanwich as best they could. Another typically had two guy playing checkers. And another might have three women sitting silently trying not to make eye contact. I'd say they were all vry poor or homelss and just went there for food and air conditioning in the summer.

There is a resort that my parents and I use to go to, and we always made sure we booked our stay so one day would land on "Bingo" night. People from all walks of life, including elected officials, would be there playing the game. Of course small gifts were handed out to those who got BINGO, such as a jar of jelly or a hand full of postcards or a free round of golf.