This is a little tricky. My MIL is widowed and has Alzheimer's . She has lived in our home going on 3 years. Even though my wife works just to get out of the house for sanity, she still takes on the majority of the cargiver responsibility. We have weekday caregivers about 8 hours per day. Even before she moved in my in laws have been extremely co dependent on my wife. Vacations, dinners, outings, they've always insisted on being included, and would pout if they found out they weren't. So it has been overshawdowing to say the least. Well now my wife found out she has a brain tumor and wants to tell her mom, but will also need some separation for a while to recover and go through therapy after the surgery. Her dilemma is that her mom will be left without a clue if anything goes wrong, but if we tell her we feel the co dependency will Get worse, as her mom already can't even stand to be left with the rest of us for a few minutes, asking constantly like a child in the back seat..."when will she be back?" So we fear if we tell her, it will be that one thing she dwells on constantly, giving us no peace whatsoever. An example, my daughter borrowed a pair of my MIL (her grandmothers) earrings for one evening. My MIL could NOT stop thinking about my daughter losing one of the earrings, to the point that she got up SEVERAL times all hours of the night to come into our bedroom and ask if the earrings will be okay....so imagine telling her that her daughter has a brain tumor!!! She will insist on being by her side at all costs, Which will make surgery and recovery very difficult as my wife will need to focus on herself. Her mother is 82 and in very good physical health, which is even more taxing because it's like having a 5 foot tall toddler that gets into everything. So we can't be chasing her around the house keeping her out of things while my wife is trying to recover.....so...do we tell her? If so, how ? I say we don't, but the guilt of not telling her is causing my wife even more anxiety.