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I will be 70 in June and my daughter and grandaughter want me to move in with them, which I feel would be a disaster. But, it may come as a last resort. If I do and it comes to a point where I need to be in a NH, will she in any way be financially responsible for my expenses? I really hate the idea of putting this burden on her, but because of my extremely low income it may come to that.

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Wow! I really feel overwhelmed with information now and I really have a hard time making decisions. I put my daughter's name on checking and savings acct. several years ago. Never had a problem with doing that, unless now, it could cause problems for her. I trust her completely! I live in a 2 bed, 2 bath mfg. home and I have looked into finding something like that close to her. Nothing like that can be found close to her. She plans to buy a new home when my grandaughter, 15, gets older. My wildest hope would be for her to buy a home on acreage and I could put a mfg. hm. in the back or a grandmother's suite on her house, but I will never even mention that to her, because any of that would end up costing her.
No, Jeanne, I do not have a medical alert device. You are the most level headed person and I really appreciate your help and thoughts!! Daughter runs a title co. in Orlando and is extremely busy. Her weekends are dedicated to her daughter's activities. She goes to Tx. often because her Dad is dieing. I haven't seen them since Christmas and that's mostly my fault. I know it's time to do something before it's too late, since Medicaid looks back 5 yrs.
Thank you all, so much! Just overwhelmed and confused right now. You all have given me a lot to think about.
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Vegas lady is right and dogabone's advice will get you in trouble. Medicaid has a FIVE YEAR look back on all your financials. Putting things in other names creates gift tax problems. I don't know any millionaires on Medicaid. Safety deposit boxes are tracked like anything else. Hiding money at home usually turns out badly when a helpful soul decides to clean your freezer and throws away the package.
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Please don't listen to Dogabone when he advises fraud.
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No she will not be financially responsible for your expenses unless you place her on your bank accounts as joint.If you attempt to place her on joint bank account your money becomes her money.And may backfire on you or her down the road.Avoid giving joint access.Trust knowone! regardless family or not!
If you don't have much money you need to apply for Medicaid if you haven't done so yet.You may want to think about appointing one of your family members a POA.
To apply and to be approved for Medicaid requires you to not have much assets.Truth be told many people are like your self in the same shoes.How people with tons of money gets approved for Medcaid is a wonder of it's own.My best advice to you is what ever money you have saved.Pull it all out and hide it!Many hide money is safty deposit boxes or in their own freezer.Many will tell you to start spending your money as spending down to quilfy for Medicaid.Wrong idea!
Hide your money,transfer assets into other's names is how they all do it and get away with it.Do all of this before deciding to move into your daughters home.You can also,create a trust with a attorney with any assets you have.Once all assets are moved.Wait a yr then apply for Medicaid.Many millionairs are on Medicaid doing this same thing and getting food stamps.If ever asked where did your money go?Lottery tickets!lol.Your 70 yrs old it's time to do this before it's too late.
Don't move in to their home if you know it will be unhappy.You have options.
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Bren; If on your last trip to visit grandaughter, you couldn't wait to get home, that doesn't seem to bode well for living there permanently. I can hear that you value your privacy and enjoy being alone (I"m like that too). Something you can do try to look at this from a different lens. Instead of looking at it like a math problem where you already know the answer (2+X=12, where 12 is equal to you moving into your daughter's home and X is how hapy you'll be, look at it as a problem with more variables. Again, X is your happieess, and Y is your daughter's peace of mind. Z is the solution. So X+Y=Z. Figure out, without a predetermined answer, what can make you both happy. Think about some of Jeanne's options. Find out what options are available closer to your daughter's community, and what options for her there are closer to you. Keep in touch!
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grrr ... "sell your home"
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Bren, you do not sound self-centered at all. You sound realistic and careful -- not bad traits.

I hope that you can stay where you are, with increased support if you need it. Are there things that would give your daughter peace of mind and yet let you remain independent as long as you can? For example, do you have a medical alert device? Could you agree to call her everyday at a certain time? How about having dinner with them every other weekend -- your place, then theirs? Increased contact, but not living together. 40 miles is too far for casual drop-ins, but it is still feasible for frequent visits.

If you do need to be closer to them at some point, could you sell your come and use the proceeds to find something similar, close to them? Or even a place with more services, like assisted living?

I can fully understand your daughter's concern. And I respect your independence, too. I hope you can work something out that will be good for all of you.

Keep in touch here. We'd like to hear how this works out for you.
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Thank you, Jeanne! You have given me a lot to think about and to do. I think they just worry about me and since I live 40 miles from them, they can't just drop in if needed. I have mental problems, like I am extremely reclusive, have major anxiety attacks, insomnia and depression. Staying alone helps with the anxiety.
I have spent 4-5 days with my grandaughter and 3 dogs, while my daughter was out of town, but that's about it. It was okay, but couldn't wait to get home.
I live in a 55+ community where my home is paid for, including my car. I cannot get on medicaid til my savings are depleted, which won't be too much longer. Pretty independent, just hate to leave the house, except for groceries and Dr.s appts.

Thank you, ba8alou! I am seeing doctors for my physical health and mental health, just not a neurologist, but I am on meds for my mental problems and other meds, too.

Again, thank you both, so much!! Sorry for seeming so self centered. I'm really not.
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Bren; when you say that your mind is going, have you been to see a neurologist to check up on why that might be? I just turned 60, my memory and organizational skills are not what they were 10 years ago, but in part, that's due to a concussion I suffered a couple of years back. I know what's going on and it's manageable; don't worry and suffer in silence; that leads to making bad, panicked decisions. Go see a doctor, ask the hard questions and get information about what is going on. You can make better decisions, with or without the help of your children.
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If you feel it would be a disaster, then I hope you can make other arrangements.

Your daughter's financial responsibilities toward you will not be affected by whether you live with her or not.

I am curious. Why do your daughter and granddaughter want this to happen, and why to you fear it would be a disaster?

Have you every spent extended periods of time with them? Could you go and visit them for 2 weeks, acting like a household member and not a guest, and get a small feel for what it would be like?

Are you in subsidized housing for seniors? Are you on Medicaid? Do you need some in-home services to stay independent? You may be able to put off the "last resort" for quite a while if you get aid you are eligible for.
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Thank you so much, Jessie!! That was a huge worry for me. I intend to put this off as long as I can, but I can tell my mind is going. I worry about 3 women in 1 home, scratching each others eyes out. LOL!
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You sound like such a considerate person, Bren. If you move in with your daughter, she won't be financially responsible for you. If your income is low enough, you can qualify for Medicaid if you need to go into a NH on down the road.

I hope that moving in with your daughter works out for you. It is important to keep your money in separate bank accounts, so there won't be any problem if you need to apply for Medicaid. You may want to discuss with her what you can afford to pay toward the household bills each month. That makes everything go more smoothly. You may even want to get the agreement in writing, so that you would have a record of why a certain amount of money was given to your daughter each month.

Much luck to you both during your adjustment time together if you move in with her. :)
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