Daughter whom is in charge of her Mom, feels she owns me. What do I do?

You would do better working for an agency. I'm not sure that you'd find it any better if what you're expecting is gratitude. Not every family wants to participate in the caregiving. Not every family values caregivers the way they should.

An agency pays less than half of what I make. I make $20 per hour. If I worked for an agency, I would get $100 per week. I don't ask for families to participate, she has been off an on, first participating, then not, then yes. This is the issue now. The 65 year old, really is emotionally connected to me, and it is hard, believe it or not, and do not say don't get emotionally involved. If you have been with someone day in, day out for 11 months, that is asking a care giver not to be human. Yes, I realize and know that people don't value caregivers, but it is nothing different then having men not respect women in a man's world.

KeyDeb , you say you want to turn the situation around so that you're in control. I'm not sure what that means to you, what it would look like?

A couple of questions: who has POA? who writes the checks? If,when you were sick, you found your own replacement, why was the daughter even involved? Does she live in the same house? I am a live-in caretaker of an inlaw and the children who do not live there have no care in the world of the day-to-day (unless she were to get sick, then I might get a raised eyebrow!), so I'm wondering why this daughter should feel that she owns you (I wouldn't be concerned about her appreciation -- that rarely happens).

you work for 20/hour and earn less than $200. Is that 10 hours one day or 2 hours five days? Who pays your bond insurance and liability insurance?

Hi Kay,
I've been working privately with the elderly for about 30 years. My work comes from word of mouth. Doing a good job and paying attention to detail is why I feel my name/reputation has been passed along. I also do not sell myself short! I charge what agency charges. Where I live the rate is $25/hr. There are no benefits when you work for yourself. e.g., paid holiday off, paid sick/personal time or health benefits. You should point that out IF you are questioned about your rate. Your time is just as valuable as anyone else. It's not easy work and if you are doing a very good job then you should be compensated for it. After all those families hiring you cannot or do not want to do the services that you are providing.
Pass your name along to doctor offices first because sometimes families will ask the office if they any recommendations. Leave your name and services provided with church organizations for their bulletins. (Be careful when you go to interview...not everyone is a saint. You may want to have someone in the car waiting.) check with local hospice agencies that do not provide nursing care for more than an hour or two a day. I've had calls from family looking to fill entire shifts. Be professional and don't bring personal problems to work because most people have their own. Along with doing a good job, stay upbeat and be dependable. It may take a little while but you will find work or should I say...work will find you!
As to your post.....no one owns you. No one is doing you a favor or giving you a job to make you life better. You are providing a service and should be respected for the work that you do. If not, then move along because there is plenty of work out there! Best Wishes..:)

Summer makes some good points, as do the others. But if the daughter can't control herself, you owe it to yourself to move on, even though you do have a relationship with the woman for whom you care. This IS in fact a business relationship first.

I would use that to leverage proper behavior from the daughter, explaining that you have cared for her mother for x years, have a good relationship with her but don't feel that the daughter is treating you with respect, which is mandatory if she wishes you to continue providing care.

Present her with a list of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors - you don't go into detail, so I'm not sure what she's doing, but she needs to be put in her place. I would even ask her to sign the list, in the form of a contract. Be firm; she sounds like she needs to be set straight.

Caring for someone on a long term basis can distort the balance between self interest and the interest of the cared for person. Your first priority is to yourself, even though you are really fond of the woman for whom you provide care. In addition, if you back down from the daughter, she'll know she can dominate and boss you around.

Good luck and I hope you find an acceptable solution.

I am confused... sorry but if you are making less than $200 a week that is around $25 a day or $6 an hour for 8 hrs. Or are you making $20 an hour for 8 hrs a day which is $156 a day? Otherwise $1022 a week? Are you part time?

I know caretakers make at least between $9 to $35 an hour in my area. That is $72 a day to $280 a day for 8hr @ an agency with benefits. Could you clarify? Your second post confused me.

I am also confused. If you make, as you said, less than 200 per wk that's 2 hours a day. How does that translate to day in and day out? And I'm curious too what your day would look like if you were in control. What exactly does that mean?

It seems some folks do not know how to appropriately deal with the caretakers of their relatives and just like in an office, or retail, or almost anywhere, there are those folks who do not think about 'extending' themselves or putting themselves in the other person's shoes. They are too self absorbed either by choice or that is how they deal with things..Perhaps 'set a few rules in a gracious but firm way. That may be how to take 'control'....Some need to 'control' their own environment and that is how they deal ... this is 'their situation so their rules' but if you have some rules of your own 'if there is a day here and there I cannot report I will fill my own spot with someone or call you within such and such a time. Perhaps it will take the edge off.

Also I believe the daughter has every right to expect you to do what you are paid to do. Sounds like she is in control of things for her mother. Your control is limited to your assignment. You should talked to her about days off, and/ in case of sickness.

You would be much better off working for an agency. You can ask for reassignment when things become difficult. You have coverage for days off. You have a supervisor who can talk to the client for you . Put your resume together and move on.