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I am 62 years old and have been a caregiver for 7 years. I get lonely sometimes by doing every thing for her. Is there enyone in north Carolina going though the same would like to have a simple dinner date. If so let me know.

This isn't the place for that, (you can go to a local church or senior center). Good luck.
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Reply to Tiger55
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Kool, there are some discussions on Aging Care about loneliness during caregiving, and maybe you could Search that on this website and read how others have handled it...

Or you can Ask A Question about how others deal with loneliness during caregiving...

But you shouldn't come on here and look for a date. That's something you do on a dating website.

Cheers and good luck in your search. We all need companionship and caregiving can be some lonely, lonely business for sure.

***Also, I'm not the boss of this place (hahahah), so this is only my opinion, 'course.
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Reply to AliBoBali
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Okay, I just read your profile. I should have done that first.

Not kool as can be, however you want to spell it. Get a puppy, go out with the guys, join a church. What starts out as innocent can get really complicated. If you are really cool you'd know this already.
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Reply to Gershun
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koolascanbe, I sympathize but this is probably not the site you need to be on. Who are you caregiving for first of all. More details would be nice. But like I said, this isn't a dating site.
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My question for the OP is are you for real or just a con man looking for a vulnerable person to take advantage of? Do you even have a wife?

In the last 2 months, you have been a caregiver 5yrs, 7 yrs and 8 yrs, so which is it? I dont think you have game and I would bet if you looked on Tinder, Mingle, Match, POF or any other dating site you probably use the same screen name. A kid or a puppy would probably work better because no one who has went through caregiving really wants the baggage.

***I do think it is an interesting discussion though if people should date. Or if people should essentially have friends of the opposite sex.***
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This perhaps is in reply to Ahmijoy. On this site, we really do try to be helpful and sympathetic, even when a part of our brain is saying ‘this person is nuts!’. I was a refugee from an ‘open marriage’ with my first husband, and would be the last person to recommend it (and I didn’t). However bitter experience has taught me that men are very often fairly driven about sex, even though they can walk away from it afterwards without the painful scars that women feel. If I couldn’t (and my back now makes it trickier), my own preference would be for my husband to get it at the shop, and not tell me about it. That’s because he becomes testier and testier if he isn’t getting enough. This guy wasn’t even talking about sex. My own brother-in-law years ago took out my then 22 year old daughter as partner to a posh race car ball because my sister in wheel-chair couldn’t be bothered (a lot of wackers talking about cars sometimes does that to you). Daughter Jenny looked stunning, they both played along with the winks and nudges (first names, not 'Uncle'), brother-in-law still brags about it. You would think that terminal cancer would distract him, but no. Jenny thinks he’s nuts, but then, that’s the way he is! It takes all sorts to make a world. Let’s be kind.
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Ahmijoy Dec 19, 2018
To each his own, but this man never said he has an “open marriage”, and we only know one side of this situation—his. I don’t think he’s “nuts”. And he may be more lonely than horny. I know how he feels. Loneliness sits heavy on my shoulders too. And I am certainly not being unkind to anyone, at least not intentionally.

However, I would not openly advertise on a site like this for—ahem—“companionship”. Honestly, if at church or the Senior center or a support group, a few people said, “hey, you wanna go get a cup of coffee?” That’s fine. I’d go. But I would never put an “ad” on anonymous site for a date, especially with my true love waiting alone at home. He’s entitled to his way of living, and I am entitled to mine.
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My parents had an open relationship so here goes.

There are rules associated with what you want to do. Was it ever discussed or what would she want? Do you have children, even adult ones?

If you choose to do this, honesty is the best policy. It is a mess if your children, even adult ones, or friends find out and you may not understand the wrath. So just be open and upfront not shady.

I have an old co-worker friend who is around your age and married, nothing like dating, eww. His wife actually jokes about me being his "girlfriend" and we hang out a few times a month, sometimes she comes out but most of the time not. They have a stressful home situation and it helps for him to talk to an outsider.

Dont let anyone on here convince or dissuade you. Just figure it out and do it the right way.
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I sympathize with you, and I know it must be lonely and very hard being the sole caregiver of your spouse, and that you need friends and a support system. However, I agree with others that stepping out on her on dates with other women is the wrong way to go about it. After all, think of how you would feel if your wife were looking for dates with other men while you were at home sick, unbeknownst to you. I'm sure you would want her to respect you, your trust, and your dignity enough not to, even if she were lonely.

Instead, I would recommend looking into local caregiver support groups, men's church groups, hobby groups (golfing, bowling, book clubs, motorcycle clubs, etc that you are interested in). Local 55 and older groups and senior centers sometimes have some fun activities and outings as well, and there are probably other guys there in your same situation that can understand what you are going through and provide support during this hard time.
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Reply to FrazzledMama
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Look, I can sympathize. I see no problem with going out with the guys. Going to a sports bar, golfing, whatever. We all need time to ourselves. But dating when a spouse is home alone...
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You have my sympathy, though clearly not everyone agrees. ‘A simple dinner date’ is not a sleazy proposition for sex. It’s a wish to have an occasional outing that reminds you of what a normal life used to be like. And anyway, at 62 you are younger than my own husband, and he certainly would be very unhappy to give up a sex life. There is no need to avoid on-line dating sites. Some of them really do seem to equate the first date with sex, but many will also deal with ‘friendship’ requests. They reach a lot of people anonymously, and it can be less embarrassing than making approaches face to face. Just make things clear from the start to avoid stress for both parties.

It is a good idea to think carefully before you make repeat meetings. If you want to stay with your wife, avoid giving yourself opportunities that will look like more attractive life options. I think that it’s often easier for women of our age to give up on sex than it is for men, so ‘know yourself’ before you get into hotter water than you wanted. Best wishes to both you and your wife, and sympathy for a difficult problem.
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Ahmijoy Dec 19, 2018
I’m sorry, Margaret. I always agree with you and admire you for your advice, but not this time.

I’m not thinking about wild, unbridled sex, first date or tenth. Just about every regular here knows that my husband is bedridden. Our romantic life was over more than a decade ago. I have dealt with it. I love him and in addition I am grateful to him for putting up with my many shortcomings and overlooking the fact that we came from opposite sides of the tracks all those years ago. He supported me, sent both kids to college and didn’t stick them with any college loans. He worked hard and never complained. We have a strong bond.

I could never ever step out on him and find a “friend with benefits”. It would go against everything I was raised to believe in. I have men friends and women friends and if I need a coffee date, I ask the women, not the men. I love watching a football game in a bar with an enthusiastic crowd. Hubby tells me to go. So I do. With a girlfriend.

Nope. I don’t need tea and sympathy from the opposite sex. I can speak to my pastor; to my friends here; to my girlfriends. But as far as trading in my husband before the lease is up just because his engine is misfiring and I want a different model...nope, nope, nope.
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We had this question a while ago from someone whose wife was suffering from dementia. He wanted to know if we thought it was ok for him to “date”. Frankly, I was disgusted with him and I think a lot of us were. It seemed like a case of running away when things got tough.

Turn to your church, senior center, local Alzheimer’s support group if that’s what she has, or failing that, a cold shower. Your vows didn’t say “in sickness and in health .or until things get too tough for you”. And for heaven’s sake, stay off the online dating sites.
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So sorry. At least you can go out to work and get away for a while. A lot of members aren't even able to do that.

What would your wife be doing if the tables were turned. You took vows "in sickness and in health", "for better or worse" this is the worse. How are you going to explain your nights out?

This is not a dating site.
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