Dating and burnout...

This isn't the place for that, (you can go to a local church or senior center). Good luck.

Kool, there are some discussions on Aging Care about loneliness during caregiving, and maybe you could Search that on this website and read how others have handled it...

Or you can Ask A Question about how others deal with loneliness during caregiving...

But you shouldn't come on here and look for a date. That's something you do on a dating website.

Cheers and good luck in your search. We all need companionship and caregiving can be some lonely, lonely business for sure.

***Also, I'm not the boss of this place (hahahah), so this is only my opinion, 'course.

Okay, I just read your profile. I should have done that first.

Not kool as can be, however you want to spell it. Get a puppy, go out with the guys, join a church. What starts out as innocent can get really complicated. If you are really cool you'd know this already.

koolascanbe, I sympathize but this is probably not the site you need to be on. Who are you caregiving for first of all. More details would be nice. But like I said, this isn't a dating site.

This perhaps is in reply to Ahmijoy. On this site, we really do try to be helpful and sympathetic, even when a part of our brain is saying ‘this person is nuts!’. I was a refugee from an ‘open marriage’ with my first husband, and would be the last person to recommend it (and I didn’t). However bitter experience has taught me that men are very often fairly driven about sex, even though they can walk away from it afterwards without the painful scars that women feel. If I couldn’t (and my back now makes it trickier), my own preference would be for my husband to get it at the shop, and not tell me about it. That’s because he becomes testier and testier if he isn’t getting enough. This guy wasn’t even talking about sex. My own brother-in-law years ago took out my then 22 year old daughter as partner to a posh race car ball because my sister in wheel-chair couldn’t be bothered (a lot of wackers talking about cars sometimes does that to you). Daughter Jenny looked stunning, they both played along with the winks and nudges (first names, not 'Uncle'), brother-in-law still brags about it. You would think that terminal cancer would distract him, but no. Jenny thinks he’s nuts, but then, that’s the way he is! It takes all sorts to make a world. Let’s be kind.

I sympathize with you, and I know it must be lonely and very hard being the sole caregiver of your spouse, and that you need friends and a support system. However, I agree with others that stepping out on her on dates with other women is the wrong way to go about it. After all, think of how you would feel if your wife were looking for dates with other men while you were at home sick, unbeknownst to you. I'm sure you would want her to respect you, your trust, and your dignity enough not to, even if she were lonely.

Instead, I would recommend looking into local caregiver support groups, men's church groups, hobby groups (golfing, bowling, book clubs, motorcycle clubs, etc that you are interested in). Local 55 and older groups and senior centers sometimes have some fun activities and outings as well, and there are probably other guys there in your same situation that can understand what you are going through and provide support during this hard time.

Look, I can sympathize. I see no problem with going out with the guys. Going to a sports bar, golfing, whatever. We all need time to ourselves. But dating when a spouse is home alone...

You have my sympathy, though clearly not everyone agrees. ‘A simple dinner date’ is not a sleazy proposition for sex. It’s a wish to have an occasional outing that reminds you of what a normal life used to be like. And anyway, at 62 you are younger than my own husband, and he certainly would be very unhappy to give up a sex life. There is no need to avoid on-line dating sites. Some of them really do seem to equate the first date with sex, but many will also deal with ‘friendship’ requests. They reach a lot of people anonymously, and it can be less embarrassing than making approaches face to face. Just make things clear from the start to avoid stress for both parties.

It is a good idea to think carefully before you make repeat meetings. If you want to stay with your wife, avoid giving yourself opportunities that will look like more attractive life options. I think that it’s often easier for women of our age to give up on sex than it is for men, so ‘know yourself’ before you get into hotter water than you wanted. Best wishes to both you and your wife, and sympathy for a difficult problem.

We had this question a while ago from someone whose wife was suffering from dementia. He wanted to know if we thought it was ok for him to “date”. Frankly, I was disgusted with him and I think a lot of us were. It seemed like a case of running away when things got tough.

Turn to your church, senior center, local Alzheimer’s support group if that’s what she has, or failing that, a cold shower. Your vows didn’t say “in sickness and in health .or until things get too tough for you”. And for heaven’s sake, stay off the online dating sites.

So sorry. At least you can go out to work and get away for a while. A lot of members aren't even able to do that.

What would your wife be doing if the tables were turned. You took vows "in sickness and in health", "for better or worse" this is the worse. How are you going to explain your nights out?

This is not a dating site.