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We are worried she is a gold digger...
Two years after my mom passed away my dad had s massive heart attack, and my brother and I nursed my dad backed to health after his 3 week hospital stay. We contacted a home health agency the hospital recommended and they sent a caregiver over to take my dad to dr appointments, cook his meals and help with his laundry, etc. as we all live in other states. In a matter of a month or two, he was taking her to dinner and drinks and convinced her to quit her job. My dad is worth millions I should mention. He is 87 years old and the CG is 58. she has moved in with him, and he has attached a codicil to his will leaving her $200,000. He has also been making hefty withdrawals from a trust account into his checking account totaling $200,000 in the past month. My brother is trustee of his estate and has expressed concern to my dad, and my dad has been very evasive about it. We are worried she is trying to get his money. Any thoughts as to how we can find out? Asking him is out of the question!!!!

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Have him gift all his assets to his heirs NOW through affidavits of gift. This way you can keep his assets from going to the gold digger who may even be able to get him to write a new will. I tell everyone to do this, POA and wills are bad news. If you want to give something to your children you should do it while you are sane and of legally sound mind, so many bad things can happen to your children if you force them to take care of your assets under POA or after death in a will.
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Your Dad has already left this woman 200,000 in the codicil. Now he has been transferring a lot of money to his checking account........I would not wait another day to "look into this." If he gets angry - too bad. You are protecting him from a gold digger. I have had personal experience with this.
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When my dad had his heart attack I was finishing up my certificate in phlebotomy, but I immediately left my two children and went to spend 5 weeks by his side. When he was well enough to travel, my sister in law and I drove him to South Carolina so he could finish recuperating there and receive in home PT and nursing check ups. I stayed 2 more weeks and then flew home and finished school and found a job. My dad fusses over all of us about being away from our obligations (work, family etc) to the point of ridiculousness. He always worries about me taking off work. I'm only mentioning this because I want to be clear I was there every minute for my dad during his crisis and would like to visit more often, but I have two children in high school so it is not always as easy as I would like. So when I have plans to visit him and he tells me not to come the day before I'm to leave, I'm suspicious but I can't just barge in and stay at the house you know??
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Gladimhere, he told me not to come. He told me he wasn't up for company and that she wasn't feeling well either. My brother also called me and said that my dad had told him he was feeling too sick for me to come and my brother told me not to go.yes my brother is POA for his medical care which is one reason he's going down there to assess his condition. His mental state seems to be declining quickly.
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Ladybug, when he says he is not feeling well that is probably among the best times to visit, especially if you have not seen him in nearly a year. When is the last time your brother visited him. Do either one of you have his POA's for health care? He may have changed it to this caregiver at the same time he prepared the codicil on the will.
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I talk to my dad on the phone several times a week and I visited him in October (he lives in Florida and I live in Arizona). I had plans to visit him last month and at the last minute he told me he wasn't feeling well enough for a visit and he needed to reschedule. My brother lives in South Carolina and talks to him every day. He is going to see him in a couple weeks.
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When did your father have his heart attack? Between that time and now, how often did you all come and visit him? Do you call him regularly on the phone? Email regularly? FaceBook regularly? You know that saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well, that's not always true. So, depending on your answers to the above questions, your father got lonely (since mom is no longer there to keep him company) and turned to the one person who was very nice to him. The caregiver.

My mom passed away about 2 years ago. Dad still talks to her as if she's here. Then he catches himself and says that he forgot (that she's no longer here.) This past January, he took a liking to this one specific caregiver. She can do no wrong. What I would tell him, he tells me to shut up and don't talk about things I don't know anything about. Then she comes in, and says Exactly what I said to him, and he's all for doing anything to please her. And she took advantage of this. She would pop in during off-hours and dad would give her $80 every time she came. I finally realized that I allowed the situation to go too long when she promised to take my bedridden father on an outing. When I said no, she told my dad, he blasted me, and she said that she will take him. I reported her to my social worker..... So, if you guys have left your father alone with the caregiver, I can see where it's going now. If your dad is still competent, then he can do whatever he wants. It's his life, his money. I think it's time you all find the time to do regularly visits with your dad. Holidays would have been the best excuse for visits (more like personal check-ups on your father, his mental status, his living status, etc...)
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I agree with Jessie, I too would be concerned. Have you talked with your brother about a background check on the woman.
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I read what you wrote again and see your brother already questioned your father. It makes me wonder if he took the money out to "loan" to the woman. I am glad that your brother is the trustee for the account. He should be able to see if things are amiss.

I too have serious doubts about a professional cg that goes against the ethics of the profession in forming a personal relationship with the client like this. It raises all kind of flags, particularly given the age and health differences.
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If Dad is competent there is probably little you can do, which is frustrating! Could he possibly have the beginning of dementia which typically begins with bad judgement, forgetting topay bills, gets confused over financial matters. Whoo is his power of attorney? Has any family member spent time with him lately. It sounds like it is time that someone make the effort.
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Is your father competent? If he is, the company of this woman may be worth spending some money to him. I know an man of a similar right now that would do the same thing if a younger woman showed interest in him. If he is competent, it is his choice to do as he chooses with his money. But you will want to keep an eye on it. If it appears he is beginning to show extremely poor judgment, you may want to consider a petitioning the court to become a conservator for money matters. This can be expensive if your father fights it and chances are that the court may appoint an outside conservator, since the estate is large. For now I would just keep a close watch. Maybe you could ask him why he withdrew $200K. I don't blame you at all for being concerned and hope that the woman is not abusing your father.
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