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It has escalated over the past month and I am afraid he will physically harm my wife. He no longer uses the toilet. We beg him. If he gets worked up he defecates in his pants and spreads it on the floor and inside his Levi's. We end up doing his bed linens twice a day. Mopping the floor and giving him a full personal shower. He seems to do it for sexual interests and harasses my wife and asks her if she will sleep next to him on his washable underpad which is spick and span and freshly laundered. He crabs us with feces under hid finger nails and makes nasty stinging scrapes on or arms.

He uses a walker and a cane which he only needed for balance in the hospital 4 years ago. He will say he He needs them to stumble along as slow as possible. My wife and i make suggestions. He ignores us because his real purpose is to have some waitress come to his aid and grope her. He gets angry and lays on the ground kicking, hitting or clawing at us because we are interfering with his grab ass technique of grabbing the waitresses wrist and trying to get a very wet smootch. Now most of the gals keep there distance if the have had a previous encounter with him.

He dawdles to try and set up his oportunity to make his grab. We force him to take daily walks and use exercise equipment like a Schwin exercise bike, a K1 whole body vibrating machine.

So he is now dangerous swinging his cane around at you or the dogs. He can picK up his 4 wheel walker over his head and try to smash someone on the head with it.
If you pull him along wit the walker he can actually run along.

He will not leave a restaurant or get up to go to bed if any drinks or types of food remain. He just slowly picks at it while us and the wait staff stand and watch him.
He will eat 10 or More nutra sweets in his ice tea. He will stuff more packets in his pockets and hide them in his room to sprinkle on ant type od food

It takes 2 hours to get him from the living room to the bathroom and into bed for the night? We have washable under pads in the bed. He will not get up to use the restroom. Every mornIng he is covered head to toes with urine and half the time feces. It is like urine, feces, and refusing to move are his torture weapons of choice. The first 26 months we really found him to be pleasant and cooperative.

Now he is a terror. We welcome any helpful means to deal with this or get some help it got to where he was always defacating at the senior center for attention and they were getting burnt out with his diaper feces obsession.

Suggestions of ways to normalize him a bit and get some private time to ourselves to recharge would be appreciated.

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This isn't just sundowner's. This is severe dementia with psychosis, and it is past time for a geropsychiatric evaluation, almost certainly inpatient; and unless miracles occur with diagnosis and treatment, followed by placement in a long term care facility. Most nursing homes can't quite handle this level of aggression, and you shouldn't keep trying to either, because yes, he will hurt one or both of you even more than he already has and the risk of infections and illness with that kind of exposure to human waste is very high even though your efforts have probably prevented a a lot. He has lost all judgement, empathy, and impulse control whatsoever and he also needs that control to be provided for him.
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He will not improve, he will only decline.

I agree with everyone here. A NH is your only hope of any kind of peace in your life. He's a danger to himself and others and he shouldn't be living with you and your wife. I know it's a very tough situation and it's a decision you don't want to make but I don't know how you've handles it for this long.
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FOr the love of God- it isn't brain surgery- anyone as out of any kind of control as this belongs in a specialised home- NOT yours. As his lack of cooperation is combined with malicious behaviour that at best could injure someone, and at worst could kill them, you have to think of your own lives, and in particular, the one you share with your partner......you can do no more, and misplaced feelings of guilt, and of having'let him down' if you leave it to the professionals are just that MISPLACED. Good luck!
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Bless your hearts. The time has come to make other arrangements for dad's care. He is way beyond the scope you and your wife can provide. You have hung in there far longer than most people would. Your wife must be your priority now. Dad needs to be where the professionals can provide his care. Please listen. It's not a shame to admit he's more than you can handle. You gave is a good long go and now it's time to transition him into a skilled care facility. You can do this. Bless you both.
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He needs to be medicated.
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Beautifully said Angel...
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I agree with assandache7. It is time for a nursing home. It is not safe to have him threatening people, for you, your wife, and the public. I'm sure a nursing home could get him on a proper drug protocol to deal with the behavior. It is simply not feasible to take care of him in your home any more. I can tell you that I would have broken LONG before you did. There's no way I would allow someone to maliciously spread feces everywhere and grab at people. You must be very compassionate, loving, and kind people to have put up with this situation as long as you have.

Angel
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No disrespect but I would call his DR explain his situation and start searching NH's. This situation is more than you and your wife are qualified to handle. Let the professionals take over.
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