Follow
Share

Now he has declined to the point medical staff are talking Hospice.
He's on private pay at nursing home and I'm sitting on ALL HIS bills and checkbook. Suggestions?

Find Care & Housing
If he’s now too sick to make a will, or still unwilling, he will die without one. POA isn’t valid after death, so if his passing is close it won’t matter. The majority of people in the US die without a will in place. It then becomes up to probate court to make sure all of his bills are paid, if the estate he leaves is able to do so, and then to distribute what’s left to his heirs. I’m sorry your dad has put his family in this position, but it will be okay, it’s not unusual and the court system is accustomed to dealing with it.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
Dm64allforDad Apr 8, 2020
Thankyou for the sad but cold truth. Personally I've been pleading over 4 yrs to him to get his affairs in order. He's so stubborn then he gets very angry!!!
(5)
Report
We have one long-time poster here whose dad wouldn't update his will. She said "you know dad, it's so sad that so much of your money will be lost to the state". Yes, it's a fib, but what I think of as a therapeutic one.

I'm sorry for all the trouble this is, and is going to cause you.

Some folks think that if they make a will, they will die. I had an elderly friend like that. She was able to be convinced to make a trust instead.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

A lot of people don’t make a will for one reason or another. I have a friend whose father was very smart and an engineer and just procrastinated every day and now he is 98 with full blown dementia and now he CAN’T draw up a will. When he dies, it will go to probate, the bills will get paid from his estate and then any left over money will go to his 4 heirs equally. It’s not unusual. People don’t want to think about dying.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to elaine1962
Report
Valsax Apr 10, 2020
The trouble is that if attorneys see estates worth a lot, they spend many hours running up legal fees before they will let the estate finally settle.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
I think you will just have to let it go. Too late for guardianship. It takes a while and is expensive. Dad will need to be declared incompetent.

When he passes you can go to probate and be assigned the Administrator. This will give you the same rights as an Executor. Since there are no beneficiaries, though, his estate will be split between his closest living relatives.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Dm64allforDad Apr 16, 2020
This is exactly what I'm wondering am I all full of worry for nothing- is it all just too late? I've been begging him for 3 years to get his things in order and receive nothing but criticism in return.
(0)
Report
I am sorry to hear about your situation, my mother died unexpectantly and intestate. I met with a probate attorney and due to her large estate she wanted to charge us over $100K. I bought the NOLO Probate book and followed it verbatim and I did have to wait the wait 6 month to get it finalized but I was able to save my family $100K. If you can not reason with him maybe you can be prepared and focus on being prepared to do the probate yourself. Many people talk about what a nightmare it is, but I found it pretty straightforward although I was the only heir. Otherwise I would look into guardianship. I am now struggling with my Dad who is divorced and scrambling to get his affairs in order. Best of luck to you. I know how I don't want to leave my kids due to this experience.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Cathleenz
Report

What you see as being stubborn, may be that he is not in his right mind medically. I would talk to his doctor and ask if he can be evaluated for being of sound mind. If he isn't and Dr. puts this in a letter format, have the attorney now prepare necessary docs to have one of you legally appointed as his guardian. Take court docs to his bank, inform his debtors and move it forward.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to commutergirl
Report

If you bring an attorney to a nursing home to prepare your dad’s will, any ensuing lawsuit would easily make the law school text books.

Even if you weren’t pressuring your dad, or complaining that he is not thinking clearly as your post suggests, those conclusions are no difficult stretch for a jury.

Lack of capacity, undue influence, fraud- this would be hard to defend in probate, civil and criminal court.

A lawyer interested in creating a will (1) who was first contacted and hired by the clients’ child and (2) who meets that client in a nursing home (raising on its face, questions of capacity/credibility) must be desperate for legitimate work and hold no value for his/her legal license.

Your state has laws that govern property distribution for those that die without a will.

Is pressuring him to make a will now worth risking years of legal battles, more money than you would ever get and your freedom?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to ACaringDaughter
Report
Dm64allforDad Apr 16, 2020
The attorney told me he would come in and assess Dad to determine if he had the capability to move forward. All I know is my one sibling is medical power of attorney and I'm stuck sitting and paying all of his bills with his checkbook!!! Please advise.
(0)
Report
If he hasn't given you permission to pay his bills, I don't think there is anything you can do but wait. You could possibly request a suspension of late fees and interest charges if you explain the situation to the creditors.
When he dies, he will die intestate. Then if he leaves anything, the estate may go through probate. His money can be used first to bury him. Then, his bills get paid and if there is anything left over, it is divided according to the state's intestate laws.
Try not to worry about it. It will work out. I'm sorry you are having extra stress at this sad time.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Alicew234
Report
Dm64allforDad Apr 16, 2020
He has given me permission to keep paying his bills. But for three years I have been asking him to please draw up how he wants things settled in his estate. and myself and my siblings get nothing in return from him except negativity.
(0)
Report
I told my uncle, you may as well write down "I'd like to leave the bulk of my estate to lawyers and bankers and I'd like my family to fight amongst themselves."
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Alicew234
Report

Leave it. He has expressed no interest in any of it. His estate will be settled by what he owes standing to what he has. The rest will be divided between his heirs according to state law. If you do not wish to be executor, any of you, then allow the state to appoint one. By the time they are finished there won't be any money to worry about. Allow him a peaceful end with hospice. His bills will be paid by his executor upon his death. You have done your best. Clearly he has declined your suggestions, so time to let it go and make his end as peaceful as you are able.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter