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My uncle passed Sunday morning. His funeral is on this Thurs in Utah. Which is about 7hours for my dad. I'm 2hours from my dad after I moved last sept to get married. His van has issues- right now he's keeping the doors closed with bungee cords. I've tried to get him to fix it or come up with ideas for years but he shoots them down. He has a C-5/C-6 injury. He used to talk to my uncle on the phone a few times a week. They were very close. He was in the VA hospital and had a type of Alzheimer’s from welding. My dad wanted to take him out of the VA and bring him back to his house to stabilize him b/c he felt the doctors were over medicating him. He's mad at his kids b/c they just let the doctors medicate him. He likes to think he can cure things. My father has a c-5/c-6 injury. He lost his mom 2 years ago and that was very hard for him. I offered to take him up to Montana to his mom while she was alive. When his brother was moved to the VA hospital I talked to dad about going to see him or maybe I could go get him and bring him for a visit. While my dad thought that was nice he didn't want to mess up my life or whatever excuse it was at the time. His long time personal attendant of 9 years calls me last night and is concerned about him. He's trying to get her to leave her family and take him to the funeral. Over the last 3 days he's drank crown and not slept much. I've talked with him several times. If I sound "bossy" he gets mad at me. I try to reason with him but he will do what he wants. I talked to my youngest brother and he's out of town working. My dad's body won't make the trip but he insists if he keeps drinking he'll be ok. He had trouble making my wedding and it was 2hours away and I had my brothers following him. I talked with my Aunt (his sister) she can't go to the funeral b/c she has long awaited knee surgery on Friday. My dad called her at 2am drunk sat. I don't know what to do. Do I drive with him to the funeral - drive behind him in case something goes wrong. Do I leave work and go down to try to reason with him in person. I feel so torn right now and bad for my dad. I'm work now trying to focus. I will give him a call today to see how he's doing. I've been helping try and find him more help and he keeps running them off. I'm trying not to cry. Its snowing again this morning in Laramie.

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My advice is make a choice of what you are going to do. No you can't stop his drinking, smoking or buying. He has the right to die by his own bad choices. BUT he does NOT have the right to kill someone else on the road. You draw the line when they are at risk of harming others. You report him to the DMV in your state that he poses a significant risk.
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That's the question I keep asking but know the answer is we all have choices and he's choosing to not take care of himself and until someone in authority makes him do things differently he won't do it. until then I try to just do what I can and understand I can't be everything. Its just when I'm told I should take his keys away. I should make him stop drinking stop smoking or buying stupid stuff by others - But I do understand I can't make him. But then when your hands are tied it feels like I should do something but I don't know what.
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You can't force anyone to do anything. How would you go about forcing him to take care of himself?
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Thank you. He can physically get behind the wheel and drive just not for long distances when his body spasms. He won't let me take control and if I did he will just be really mean to me and hurtful. He goes to doctors and has a case worker. He charms everyone. I've told him if he keeps up he will wind up in a home. of course he says he will kill himself before that happens. My father needs lots of things that he won't get and do. At what point do you force a person?
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Such a sad and an emotional time for everyone but the reality is your Dad can't drive and physically has no business going to a funeral. Your going to be with him this weekend will be a good thing.

Even without the loss of his brother, it sounds like your Dad needs a medical evaluation. The idea of being okay if he keeps drinking is certainly not rational. Disable the vehicle and take away his keys. He is a danger to himself and all those innocent people on the road with him!

Prayers of comfort for your family.
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Thanks. I know that on a level. the emotions are just getting to me. I expressed that he'd be a spectacle at the funeral. I don't want him to hurt anyone one the road. I feel like I should be able to do it for my dad b/c it means so much to him. I don't feel like I'm up to it. I was planning on going down this weekend to spend time with him. His sister can't stand being around him anymore b/c he wears her out. He's driven everyone away. its basically just me.
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Do not take him on a 7 hour trip, nor should the aide. Good grief have someone sabotage that car. A grieving drunk should not be on the road, and they become a real spectacle at a funeral. Losing a brother really drives it home that your own time on earth is short. He should grieve at home with friends and relatives. No go.
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