Dad is 87, with pancreatic cancer. He is very weak and wobbly and has a lot of pain. He and mom have a live in caretaker who cooks and cleans and helps mom, who has cognitive issues. I work full time, after work I food shop for them and come over and sort their meds and check in and do all their finances.
The problem is dad. He won't let Tammy, their live in companion, help with anything. He makes my 80 year old mother help him with showering, he won't eat anything tammy cooks (claims he just isn't hungry), won't let her bring him a walker or put his socks on or help in the bathroom, nothing. She's a wonderful woman, and more than willing to do any and all care, and we pay her 1k a week. Every night I come over and it's chaos- Dad is in some kind of crisis, etc. I pull into the driveway with a sense of complete dread. They all basically run to the door upset and barrage me with the days domestic catastropes and I can barely get in the door with the groceries. Dad kind of just lies in bed and won't get up or eat. He starts chemo Monday. Any advice would be so appreciated- I think I'm about to lose my mind.