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After a recent hospital stay, my dad has been bed bound for a week or so. I live with him and have been his caregiver when he was mobile, but now he needs help changing his diapers and getting dressed. He lets my brother or the paid caregivers do this, but refuses when my niece or I offer. It's an intimate thing to force on someone. Any suggestions?

I can so see where he is coming from. I told my brothers I would not be doing anything like this for Dad. That would be their problem.

When we went to visit an Uncle in an AL, the aide came in and told him bath time. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door. She stood outside and was asking him to unlock the door. My Aunt told us he won't allow the aides in when he is getting a shower. My husband said "either would I".
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Reply to JoAnn29
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If he won't let you, you can't. So he goes to a long-term care facility, and the rest of you are off the hook as far as intimate care is concerned.

That's not all bad!
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Reply to Fawnby
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Then he's going to have to hire (and fund) more aids. Do the math for him. Maybe that will change his mind. Otherwise he will need to go into a facility. Ask him what a solution would look like to him, as long as it doesn't increase the care burden on your brother.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Ask him how he is going to cope with nurses and care attendants if he is in hospital or needs a care facility. Tell him that his “private bits” are much the same as any other man’s, and you have already seen it all. And ask him to make this difficult time as easy as possible for all of you, including him – that’s being truly adult!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Sandra2424 4 hours ago
Just saying, a nurse or care attendent is completely different from a family member. I'm a healthcare professional and could never help my father with this kind of care. I am interested in what others suggest.
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