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My dad and one of his former caregivers are dating. He is under 24 hour care. She been asking to spend time alone with him. I have power of attorney and just setup a trust to protect his assets. His pensions could be removed from the trust since he still owns them and my POA could be taken away. I had talked to my Dad on good days that he is not able mentally to make life choices like marriage. I have talked to his girlfriend that he can not make any legal decisions. She understands but my family still thinks she will take him out and they will get married. I don't want to have to declare my father incompetent. Can I have a lawyer write up a document for her to sign that states she understands and agrees that my father cannot make a decisions relating to anything legal or financial? My thought is that if my family is correct and they go and get married, I can take my father to court for guardianship and show the judge that she knew he could not make legal choices but did anyway to take advantage of him.

I would see an elder care attorney on this, and soon.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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The fact that she's his former caregiver is a huge red flag. It's completely unethical for her to be dating him, "former" caregiver or not.

You need to do everything you can to protect him and his assets, including having him declared incompetent. He doesn't need to know that, but you should consult an elder care attorney immediately.
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Reply to MJ1929
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Yes, I would suggest you go for guardianship. Do know you need a good diagnostic workup to give to the court, several doctors saying your father is no longer competent in his own decision making. If you have guardianship you move all money to where she has no access to it. If he fights guardianship know that he will likely win if he is at all competent. The court is loathe to take a senior's rights for him unless he is legally adjudged as incompetent in his own decisions. With only a POA he is not protected. She could convince him to make HER his POA.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You can have him declared incompetent without applying for guardianship, and a report from a geriatrics trained psychiatrist/psychologist/neurologist.

The document I received was a brief statement that my LO could no longer take care of herself, and that I as POA should be given help with any matters concerning her care.

I have used it in several situations, and in fact has always worked, along with her POA, to facilitate gaining access to necessary services on my LO’S behalf, including establishing status as a “designated payee” for her Social Security account.
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Reply to AnnReid
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Just did this -POA will not protect him. She can get everything into a joint account and you can't see anything that way as well. Go for guardianship-the court could also appoint a guardian as well. But a doctor's note is not enough. This is covered with red flags. Run to an attorney. Document everything you have seen with dates and what/ where and accounts anything that has happened. All details will give validity. If it is to have value in court, you have to show something besides opinion. If she was his care provider, there is another form of elder abuse. The influence will make a huge impact that is how I was also fired from being the POA when they took Dad to an attorney. My details and calendars made the difference plus make connections with banks and other doctors that can attest to his condition. I used some of them in court and statements. They took him to the bank and talked him into putting his money into a joint account to keep it safer.
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Reply to LBD1stATLGail
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BY the way----we won!
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Reply to LBD1stATLGail
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You could try the idea of going to a lawyer with the girlfriend and have her sign legal paperwork that she understands your father is not competent to make decisions anymore. There's really no chance that she'll agree to it though.
Let me recap so I'm on the right page here. Please correct me if I'm mistaken.

Your dad is old and he is sick.
He's dating one of his former caregivers.

This is correct? He's in a romantic relationship with her. The former caregiver is not in one with him. She's working a hustle to get her hands on his money and property. Most definitely if she's allowed to be alone with him she will not only get access to everything he has, but she will convince him to turn on you and the rest of the family who would try to stop her. She would definitely marry him too.
I had a similar situation with my own father. He was in his late 80's (perfect health, still independent) and met a 60 year old woman. An indigent petty criminal and addict. They fell "in love". She took him for plenty of money but there was nothing anyone could do. Then he had a stroke. I had his POA and it became active then. Of course all of her funding was cut off at once but she still continued to hustle. Refusing to leave the home he owned, etc... Guilting me because he was in a nursing home.
So I made her an offer. That if she was still so "in love" with my father and wanted to be his 24 hour caregiver. I told her I would get the necessary renovations made to the home and she could remain living in the house if she met one condition.
That one condition was I stay legally in charge of the money and the decisions. She could continue living rent and expense free like she did with my father, and could be his caregiver as well.
This idea did not go over well with her. It won't go over with your father's girlfriend either. Don't allow her to visit without supervision.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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JoAnn29 Jun 30, 2021
Post is from May, OP never responded to replies.
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