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House has mold that absolutely needs repair. This is a health hazard and other disabled lives there that I have to protect. This is a serious matter and dad tends to go bizzerk if someone tries to do something, even just clean.

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Glib, if there is some way to get your Dad out of the house, go to Plan A having a mold inspection done by a licensed mold inspector.... that way you will know what you are dealing with. The inspector could be in and out in a hour or so, depending on the size of the house, and the cost for the inspection isn't that costly.

Then go to Plan B, fixing the problem. Maybe your Dad would listen to someone of authority like the Inspector after the fact, because we are just the kids, and what do we know :P
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You say your dad has dementia. If he is refusing reasonable upkeep of his house, he's not acting rationally and there is likely other things he's not taking care of. Is he on medication?.

It's past the point of trying to please him or get him to agree. You'll need to get him somewhere safe and get the work done. That may be done by persuasion or you may need legal action. I agree with those above. It's passed the point of appeasing him. Dementia patients can have bizarre beliefs that are not based o reality. Allowing him to be in charge is risky and could end up costing him his health and property damage expenses.

If you don't have durable POA and he won't grant it, you may need legal counsel to get control over him and his affairs. Him being upset has to take a backseat. The dementia will not allow him to see things clearly. It's tough, but it's doable. Sometimes when they see they are outnumbered or that you are completely devoted to take charge, they will consent. A part of him may sense you are looking after his best interest, but even if he can't see it, you have to protect him from himself. Good luck.
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Whose house is this? Yours or his? If it's yours, you're in charge and responsible. APS would look to you for failing to keep the house in liveable condition.

If there's a mortgage on the house, there may be provisions stating that allowing the house to become unsafe for living constitutes a default in the mortgage. I've dealt more with commercial than residential mortgages but there may be a provision allowing the mortgagee (lender) to make the necessary repairs if the homeowner doesn't; that cost would be added back on to the principal of the loan.

If it's your father's house, you can force action by calling code enforcement or APS. It doesn't seem as though he has the mental capacity to make decisions of this nature any more.

Are you planning on doing the remediation yourself or hiring contractors? If you have black mold, you should be aware that the cost may be astronomical because of federal regulations. Some contractors also won't touch a blackmold remediation project because of the stringent regs. So it's left to the strictly mold remediators and they charge a fortune.

If it's not black mold and you do the remediation yourself, make sure you wear respiratory protection - not just a flimsy mask but a real respirator with canisters.
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Is your your dad on psychotropic meds to calm his reactions? If not, now would be a good time to get him to a psychiatrist. Can he be taken somewhere (daycare?) While house is being worked on?

This work must be done. Sadly, dad is no longer competent but is being allowed to "drive the bus". Medication and/or getting him out of the way seem to be reasonably doable. Long term, you need to see yourself as being the one in charge.
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Does he ever go anywhere? To church? Can you get a crew in when he is shopping? This is hard I know. It took me 3 years to be allowed to have carpets cleaned. By the time I did, it had been 5 years...yuck. At some point you will have to get around the cleaning thing before it gets out of hand.

Remember one really important thing. No mold clean up does any good with out FIRST finding and repairing the point of water intrusion. Once that is done, you can dry out, encapsulate and paint (several coats of KILZ) or clean with a 10 percent bleach solution. Don't forget to change HVAC filters too.
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