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... I mean Dad (not the other guy... that's fizzling fast)


Just wanted to share a bittersweet moment with everyone. As most of you know, I've been in complete chaos for the past few months, but Dad and I will officially be roomies this coming weekend (YAY), and it is my hope that I can get a handle on some things like


- His chronic constipation/ diarrhea roller coaster (which I think may be a result of over use of Morphine followed by over use of suppositories, etc and poor diet maintenance)


- Incontinence maintenance (regular changing of undergarments, etc)


- Maybe get some weight on him


- More regular routine


BUT... this weekend, Dad was frantically searching for "Krissy" (what he's called me since I was a little girl). I didn't correct him and tell him I was Krissy (it appears that he forgot that I'm all grown up), I just asked him who he was looking for.


He said "I can't find my little girl". I keep my first grade picture in a drawer in his room, and I pulled it out and said "Here she is!" He held the picture and smiled, and said "This is my baby girl, Krissy. I love my baby girl,"


... as the tears rolled down my cheeks, I looked back at him and said "She loves you, too."


I've stated before that things changed for me after Dad's stroke. It's like the eyes of compassion opened, and I've found that my anger is more towards the facility and their (in my opinion) complete incompetence. I don't feel the same resentment I once did about caregiving.


It still gets hard and when I'm tired, I get impatient, but these bittersweet moments confirm that I'm doing the right thing getting him out of that H***HOLE.


Who knows what's ahead, but never hearing my Dad say I love you was hard. It was nice to know that he actually does... young Tinyblu or old...

Tinyblu,
Of course he does!
Remember this post when things are tough and they will get tough occasionally. It may help you to stay steady. Good luck and good job!
Charlotte
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Reply to CharK60
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Best Wishes!
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Reply to Llamalover47
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That’s beautiful! Your response was perfect.
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Reply to dmasty
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So sad ... so sweet.
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Reply to Betsysue2002
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Tiny - Such a great story! I moved my 84 y.o. mom with dementia in with me about 4 years ago when it became clear that she could not continue to do it all in her own home. I have not regretted that decision. Did it cut into my life? ...not so much as I was single (divorced) and living alone. She was not so far gone that she could not understand what was happening and I included her in nearly all the decisions made at that time. We now live in Central California and I have caregivers coming in a few times a week and my daughter helps out the rest of the time (in exchange for my babysitting services!) So far it has been a dream come true as we did not get along so well while I was growing up. That's all behind us and I can honestly say that we have become quite good friends thru all of this. Take the wins (like him saying he loves his "little girl" and don't sweat the small stuff. Just remember... it's mostly ALL small stuff. Praying for you both!
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Reply to Lindam1958
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Hi there. Thank you for putting so much Love and Compassion into the World! Your Dad’s, and ours...❤️😘
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Reply to LNAllender1
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(((((hugs)))) tiny, Wishing you and your dad all the best.
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Reply to golden23
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Tinyblu...Ask about a program called VIP pretty sure it is "Veterans in Place" The goal is to keep Veterans in their homes not in a facility.
Best thing is you can get paid for caring for him. (I could not because I was a spouse, anyone else can get paid just not a spouse) Someone comes in and assesses the needs and they "assign a budget" and you can pay caregivers from that budget. You do have to do some minor paperwork but it really is not time consuming. I was able to pay 2 caregivers 5 hours a day 5 days a week. Helped me out a lot. (I had 1 a day they alternated days, not 2 each day)
And do take advantage of the volunteers that Hospice has. (mandated by Medicare that 5 % of cost is volunteer hours, does not matter if they volunteer with patients or in the office or other jobs.) So there is help that will give you breaks so you do not get burnout and so you can run to the store, go to the doctors for yourself, go have lunch with a friend.

Personal note..."friend zoning a guy" that will stick by you and understand what you are gong through...if he is up to that he is a keeper. ....And I have heard it is like riding a bike.... ;)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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*swallows hard* I'm so happy for you that you got to experience such a beautiful moment. You work so hard for him and what a beautiful reward. Thank you for sharing.
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Reply to MountainMoose
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Oh i love that story! It really made my day! My name is Kris. My dad called me Krissy so it really hit home. How I would love to hear that one more time, but your story was almost just as good! Thank you for sharing this!!
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Reply to Lostdaugther
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That's so Sweet Tiny! I'm praying for a smooth transition for you and Your Dad. I am happy to hear you have Caregivers lined up to help you too! Good Luck with the move next weekend!
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Reply to staceyb
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What a sweet story! I know that things will come in for a landing now and your life will be less stressful. I wish I had you to manage my life!

Sorry about the romance. 😢
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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anonymous262233 Aug 28, 2018
Yeah... I decided to "friend zone" the guy because he has a LOT going on. He' still very sweet, but now is not a good time for me to get into a relationship, and he was definitely wanting to go in that direction (ahem... physically. It's been two years. I think I've forgotten HOW!!!)

I left it open for us to do things together platonically, but he didn't really seem to like that idea. No biggie. It was nice to have a few dates and get dolled up. I felt pretty for the first time in years (I fell into the ponytail and sweats routine quickly after caregiving).

...and I think I'm more open to dating (the right person) after this experience. It's not so scary.
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I am tearing up. That is so great.

I agree, that I think he was given too many laxatives, etc. What goes in comes out. They don't have to go everyday especially if they don't eat much. Moms doctor said if not by the 3rd day, some Phillips milk of magnesia. Meralax is very harsh. Going all the time irritates the hemorrhoid too.

I am so glad that he is moving in this weekend. I also hope the investigations find the Facilities negligent.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I loved moments like that when I was caring for my Husband.
Sounds silly but it gave validation that he was still there in some way.
You are in for a long haul. I do hope you have help.
Have you checked to find out if he qualifies for Hospice? Hospice is not "6 months or less" my Husband was on Hospice for 3 years. I got help, equipment and supplies. I also got encouragement and education.
Also is he a Veteran? If so you may be able to get help through the VA.
Good luck. And keep in mind that he still loves you and always will even if he can no longer articulate it. Take time to hold hands, talk about the things you used to do when you were a little girl. Most important..don't forget to take care of yourself.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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anonymous262233 Aug 28, 2018
Yes Grandma, dad has been on Hospice for two years, and they have been SO helpful.

The VA resources, though limited, can definitely be an option., They have assigned me a Caregiver advocate, and after the dust settles from the move and we get into a routine, I'm thinking of taking advantage of the Home Aid program that send someone to bathe / sit with him for 3 hours twice a week (that way I can get some grocery shopping done).

Ironically, Dad's appetite has already increased and he's been even chattier than ever (though he doesn't make much sense most of the time). I think he senses that things are changing.

I'll keep everyone posted!
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