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I do not work and resent having to beg and not receiving any help for Dad. Only books he can't read. No one has visited Dad in 3 months. No! Dad receives no allowance from his own money. My house and time is no longer my own.

As you can see from the replies below, you should be getting a lot more than simply being reimbursed for expenses!

Please respond to the questions asked of you, in order that you can get more specific replies.
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Reply to CTTN55
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"Brother gets $6,500 from Dad's retirement monthly" i.e. brother receives father's retirement pension on father's behalf, the only reason I can think of for this to happen is that brother has POA.

Brother may be wrongfully withholding father's funds, or he may just be cheerfully clueless, e.g. sending Dad books as a thoughtful (not!) gesture. If OP has delayed discussing expenses, living costs, possible caregiver's contract with brother because she sees this as "having to beg" it would explain a lot.

1Prissysissy - yes, no?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 28, 2021
This could very well be the case, CM. At this point, we don’t know the story. The OP hasn’t revealed that information to us.
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You haven’t said why your brother is getting paid. This posting is a bit confusing.

Hope it all works out well for you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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This is limited information. What does "Brother gets $6500 from Dad's retirement monthly" mean? Is your dad's pension that much? SS doesn't go that high, so either it's SS plus pension or some kind of trust payout. What we really need to know is whether he is actually "getting" this money or is dad's account getting it and bro is either POA or guardian/steward.

If he's POA, he'd be managing the funds, so yes, that would mean "going through him." Asking for payment is one thing, but is there an agreement of some kind, specifically a contract for you to provide care and for you to receive payment for the care and necessities? Morally yes, he should reimburse you for expenses at the least, care should be compensated as well. Legally is another issue altogether. Without knowing details, we can't really advise much, and even if we did, you would need legal help.

With this limited information, your best advice would be to seek legal advice. IF he is POA and is not paying for necessities and expenses, then he's not fulfilling his duty as POA. As for compensation for care, that would also have to be decided by the legal system, esp if there's no contract.
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Reply to disgustedtoo
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I'm really really curious about this financial situation.

When did dad move in with you? Why does brother get soooo much $?? Seems very suspicious and I hate to say he is ripping you and your dad off without more info, but that's where my cynical mind is going! If dad ever needs to go on medicaid, your brother is going to have to pay back a lot of money!

I would see an attorney and get reimbursed for every penny and for your time. I don't usually say or think things like that but this seems grossly unfair.
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Reply to againx100
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If your brother has financial power of attorney then yes, you do have to go through him to be reimbursed for expenses. But there is no begging involved. You submit a legitimate claim, with receipts. He stumps up the cash. That's it.

You may also wish to discuss with him whether you can be paid for providing your father with all of the support for his Activities of Daily Living (ADLs). Regulations vary from state to state, but this should be do-able, and you should get it done. But don't resent the reality that your father asked your brother to make financial decisions and control his money for him when he gave him power of attorney.

Of course if your brother isn't prepared to consider compensating you for your time and *incredibly* hard work, he may like to move your father to any of the much more expensive options out there. He certainly won't find a more economical one.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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disgustedtoo Jul 28, 2021
"You submit a legitimate claim, with receipts. He stumps up the cash. That's it."

Up to this point, I see nothing about a POA. Assuming there is one, what is written about this situation? I don't think telling someone you just submit a claim, legit or not, and some receipts that this bro is going to do anything.

I would recommend having access to and preferably reviewing (vs reading it yourself) said POA with the lawyer who wrote it up. If there are legit ways to get paid (is there a contact of any kind?) documented, then you'd have to follow the "rules." If nothing is stated about payments, and there is no contract, he could say nope. I should think if it was that easy OP would have been told you need X, Y and Z in order for me to pay you - when begging for payment!

If it's not written into the POA, there is no contract, sounds like bro is just amassing wealth for inheriting. For all OP/we know, the will, if there is one, could leave everything to him!

Legal advice is recommended. IF there's no legit way to get paid, then perhaps OP needs to apply for guardian and stewardship. Dropping dad off is probably a bad idea. If no one can be bothered to visit him, they aren't going to care for him. Payment would be nice, but we're talking about a person here.
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Lealonnie writes “Your profile says your dad lives in "Independent Living" yet your post says otherwise”. I checked the profile, and it has been cleared completely. The only activity is ‘5 following’. Oh dear, surely we don’t have another troll?
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againx100 Jul 27, 2021
right now the part about him being in IL is still there. Maybe there was a glitch? Who knows.
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Why is your brother collecting your father's $6,500 a month income if he lives with you? That is unacceptable.
Get that POA, girl and get it now. Otherwise your brother can take your father to live with him and he can provide his caregiving too.
You working or not working does not mean other people get the right to decide what you do with your time. You're an adult and you decide that.
People today think that if a woman doesn't go to a job that she's available to anyone who needs child or elder care services.
I call bullsh*t on that one.
You let your father know that either he goes to a lawyer with you and does the POA documents or he will be moving out.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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disgustedtoo Jul 28, 2021
If pops has AD, would he still be competent enough to sign the paperwork? If bro is POA and is managing finances, then pops is likely already beyond capability of revoking and assigning POAs.
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Brother cannot hold back Dads SS. It must be spent on him. Your brother should be giving you money foe anything you need for Dad. His POA is for him to care for Dad. Not saving his money for his inheritance. I may consult with a lawyer. Dads money should pay for it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Why would your brother get $6500 a month from his father's retirement funds???? If that's the case, why not move your father in with his SON and let him foot the bill for all his expenses & such? Your post makes no sense in that your brother is getting all this money and your father has no spending money from his own retirement account!! And what does "Only books he can't read" mean?

Your profile says your dad lives in "Independent Living" yet your post says otherwise. Care to provide a few more details so you can get some lucid comments??
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Why is your brother getting your dad's retirement money?
That should be going to your dad, or to his Financial POA.
If the brother is Financial POA then you should be submitting detailed, itemized bills and receipts for money spent for dad's care.
If the brother is not reimbursing you then you can contact the Attorney that set up the POA and or you can go to court and submit the paperwork for reimbursement.
It is not begging. Does the clerk at the grocery store beg for money when you buy groceries? Does the doctors office beg for money when you have an appointment? I bet the answer to both of those is no. Same when you need to be reimbursed for expenses used when caring for your dad.
If there are routine expenses your brother should be giving you a set amount each month. It is called a BUDGET. Figure the following:
% of household expenses. This includes cable, electric, gas, garbage, water insurance, taxes....
% of food cost
The % would be determined by how many people are living in the house. If it is you, husband and 2 children and dad then he should be paying 1/5 of the expenses.
You can also "charge" him for gas and transportation taking him to doctor appointments. You also "charge" him for Caregiving search what is usual in your area for hourly wage.
Still submit the bills and receipts as they are needed to prove that dad's money is being used for his care.
If brother is not wanting to give you the money that is due it is time for you to seek an Elder Care Attorney and make sure that dad is not be abused Financially.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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