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He is actually physically doing well but his agitation and lying about lack of care coupled with inability to see those of us he is familiar with has made all of this unbearable to me. He called me last night at 2300, saying that no one came to see him including staff since 10:30 in the morning when they "dumped off some breakfast." I don't know what to do about his phone. He is now calling at all hours of the day. He also has a landline and I am afraid he may start calling 911.

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Imho, since I am not a medical professional, ask his physician what could be done.
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I have a friend, who is like a son to me, who is confined to a nursing home because of serious health issues in another state. He is fairly young, in his early 50's and has all his faculties but has serious lung issues. I got a call from him a couple of weeks ago, he has tested positive for Covid. For him, you would think it would be fatal but so far, he isn't even sick. But he has been having panic attacks. I told him to call me any time and I would talk to him and help him calm down. This is a frightening time for everyone, imagine being put into a room and no one coming in to see you except covered in PPE? If the person has any kind of mental issues it is magnified. I know it is hard for you and perhaps some limits on his phone use is needed but it is also important to keep in contact with him, his doctors and the staff where he is. Also, don't assume everything is ok there. The staff is likely under a lot of stress at this time as well and may not be paying attention to patients like they used to. I had an experience with a nursing home with my stepfather, he was not getting good care there at all. He ended up coming home, dying there with hospice care. That was last year, before this virus. I am relieved he didn't have to deal with that too.
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MildCaro, how is your Dad doing?
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Mildcaro Nov 2020
Some better- he is s sleeping better, which helps. Also
, letters and cards from other family members are coming in. We will be able to visit early next week. Thank you for checking in!
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Speak to his doctor and the staff. His phone needs to be "put away" in the evenings to avoid these middle of the night calls. He probably also needs a mild anti-anxiety agent until he gets used to his new home.
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Mildcaro Nov 2020
Yes- very low dose trazodone is helping- plus everyone tested negative for covid, so that was wonderful news!!
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If you haven’t done it yet, you must speak to his doctor. My mom would get sundowning and she would become very tiresome and nasty. She is now living in MC. The doctor prescribed 50mg of Trazodone. She doesn’t need it every day but when she does, it’s given to her. She doesn’t use her phone to call anyone but we can call her daily. When the time comes that we are afraid she might make long distance calls we will have her phone removed. Let your machine pick up his calls. Then you can choose what’s important. My mom was also confined to her suite with Covid. My sibs and I decided to take her out for a while, she’s been with my brother for 2 weeks, she’s now with me for 2, then will go to my sisters, until Covid is under control in their bldg.
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This is happening to residents of facilities all over the country due to Covid. My mother has been confined to her room for all meals for almost 9 more. No activities and no contact with other residents. Her mental decline is tremendous to say the least. These restrictions will continue until the new vaccine is approved and distributed.
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Have you reached out to his doctor about a mild sedative for him? Calming his agitation may be as simple as a little bit of Valium.

As someone with GAD, when it amps up (like the last year!!) I cannot concentrate, I'm antsy and angry a lot, and that's NOT my usual personality. My psych doc said he was shoveling Valium like it was tic-tacs this past year. I actually started having heart palpitations and am on a beta blocker for that. Anxiety is horrible. Keeping it under control is a challenge, and if I were locked in a facility--I'd be completely crazed.

When daddy was completely bedridden, he had to be sedated all day--or he would try to get up and falls were a worry. Mild sedation was our saving grace!
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Caro, how is your Dad doing?
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I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this. Very sad for your dad.
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MildCaro, I am so sorry. You will find it hard to communicate if you positive pressure room there is anything like the one my bro's partner was in. He simply could not hear me, and his cough was so bad he had no energy to speak. I hope the staff is good about updating you. With phones being the contact with them they are hard to get as well. It will be complicated for your Dad now, but I think they will medicate him into some sedated state. They are between the devil and the deep with these cases because agitation robs breathe and exhausts the patient, but sedation keeps them from taking the deep breathes they need to take. I am so sorry. This will be touch and go, and with the massive uptick now, worse than the first, we are going to see more on forum dealing with this. Anywhere where people must be congregated together with care workers coming in and out is just so many sitting ducks. Not enough PPE again. And not enough testing of the working personnel, an exhausted medical system, and hospitals losing money because they cannot do elective care and no one will come to them willingly. These are going to be very tough times and I am so sorry your Dad and you are on the front lines of it. There are few ways you can help now. I always say that the "waiting room" is the worst room in the place.
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Mildcaro Nov 2020
Thank you for your kind words and support. He is actually physically doing well but his agitation and lying about lack of care coupled with inability to see those of us he is familiar with has made all of this unbearable to me. He called me last night at 2300, saying that no one came to see him including staff since 10:30 in the morning when they "dumped off some breakfast." I don't know what to do about his phone. He is now calling at all hours of the day. He also has a landline and I am afraid he may start calling 911 😔 This is all new to me and my family. Because he was lost driving in a large city I had to go down and get him evaluated He has early stage Alzheimer's coupled with vascular dementia from previous strokes. I had to completely pack up his house move everything up here have him live with me for 2 weeks and get him into this memory care unit my siblings are scattered in this responsibility has all been on me. Then to top it off you both get Covid. I will visit with the caregivers later this morning and ask for their insight and help as well. He is a retired full colonel and used to getting his way 😔 I'm doing the best I can but unfortunately I too am isolated for another 8 days- and I am physically sick. So hard.... Thank you again for your kindness 😥
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