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91 year old father suffered a stroke and broken femur 2 1/2 years ago and was in a nursing home. He's been discharged from the nursing home and is living with me now and thinks he's only here temporarily. As a result of the stroke, he has stroke onset aphasia and has problems with cognition. I brought my father to my home on January 1, 2013.

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While not real helpful, this may be comforting... My FIL begged and begged to go home when he was in an SNF in his home state. His sister felt awful and arranged a gathering of his family to come join him for a day at his home. MIL was living in their home at that time. A double-amputee, he wasn't easy for them to move around so they called in some nephews. FIL had only been sitting in his favorite chair in his living room about 15 minutes before he asked to be taken back to his room at the SNF. They had planned a whole day and hasn't considered that it was just the dementia repeating all those times. The moment he would arrive anywhere, therapy, shower room, dining hall, home, - he would want to be somewhere else. Home was just a part of the repetition.
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Yes, same thing here with my 82 year-old mom who was admitted to a skilled nursing facilities due to a highly contagious infection. We cannot move her anywhere until she is free of this infection. She speaks of going home all the time. She has dementia and alzheimers. When she was home she also talked about going home. She thought that she was not in her own home. So we do not know if bringing her home even with a caretaker at this point would satisfy her.
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I am going thru the same experience with my husband. He broke my heart when he says to me that: "I do not have too much time left...why I have to spend my last years here (NH) and not at home with you?" Trying to change the subject is my only way out.
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I am dealing with the same issue with my 91 year old mother, who has dementia and is legally blind. She thinks I can just "put me out at home" and everything will be wonderful. When she isn't angry, she is sad, miserable and unhappy.....and our relationship is going down the tubes. I don't know what to do! Things should not be this way at this stage in our lives!
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I had the same problem with my mother in law after she fell and came to live with us with increasing dementia. I had to explain to her 100 times a day that she needed to stay with us so we could take care of her for a while. She said every single day all day long that she was going home. I just had to keep explaining the reasons why she needed to stay "for now" and tried as much as possible to just change the subject.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do - of course, as can be expected, they always want to go home. I would too; but there is a different reality now that exists and they don't fully comprehend it. It takes time and is a difficult transition.

Hugs to you and take care. You are doing a wonderful job for your father. Blessings to you.
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