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Our daughter and family moved in with my parents to take care of them both they cannot be alone at all. I can't do it cause I have vestibular inbalance. They have both medical problems. My Dad, was always active before his problem and now he cannot do anything like he use to. And Mom, cannot take care of Dad. I understand why they are both angry. But, out of the clear blue Dad will blow up on my daughter and he doesn't want them all there without our daughter they would both be in a nursing home and they want to be home. My daughter quit her job to take care of them. I just cannot put down all the things going on. I just want him to stop hurting our daughter and her family.

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OK, what do you do if you cannot afford to quit your job? The next decision is to put "abusive" Dad and his wife in assisted living, keep your job and really try to get on with your life. Where are you going to live if you cannot pay your own bills?
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Dad may need some anti-anxiety meds. It would also help if they had a visiting nurse, who can alert the MD to personality changes and make recommendations. Mom will accept suggestions from the RN better than from me.
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Many people seem to forget one thing - you do not owe anyone your health or your sanity. It may sound heartless, but your first responsibility is to yourself and your family. If conditions get to the point where you or your family are threatened, cut loose. You said your parents want to stay home, but it may be time to start looking at nursing homes.
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Have you had a heart-to-heart with your father?

Do you know your father's friends? Is there someone close to his age that he respects and would listen to, perhaps better than family?

It is wonderful and generous of your daughter to be willing to rearrange her life to take care of her grandparents. She should not have to put her family in an emotionally charged environment to do it. It is hard enough dealing with the physical problems of two elders.

Either Dad comes around to accept the need for in-home care and to change his attitude toward his Granddaughter, or Granddaughter and her family leaves. Harsh? Maybe. But a reality.

Do everything you can to encourage Dad to change, and be prepared to support your daughter to leave if necessary.
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