My mom has Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinson's and we put her in assisted living a month ago. My dad insisted on being with her and the only way they could be together was the Veteran's home. So we helped them to get in, they were living with us since November before all of this. My mom has gone downhill fast since then, hallucinations and delusions 24 hours a day, almost no sleep and abusive to my dad. He was begging us to get her placed in a facility. My dad only lasted a couple of weeks once she was in assisted living and wanted to be with her again. They do not have the money to self pay for both and he does not qualify because he is able to do all of his daily living. He finally agreed to go to the Veteran's home if he could be with her. The last week he was here was pure and utter hell. He really wanted us to send them back to their hometown, let them get an apartment and other family members take care of my mom but at this point she is way beyond anyone's capability to take care of. Her doctor in their hometown was wanting to put her in a facility a year ago! When we told him that was not an option, he became out of control. He told us that he was going to Walmart to expose himself to covid and bring it back and hoped we would all die. He said it was my fault and my families that my mom was sick (dementia), that we caused it. He called the police on my family and reported us for elder abuse. The police came and found nothing because he reported we yelled at him (he cannot hear even with his hearing aid), wouldn't let him visit his wife (the facility had asked him to let up on visiting for a while because he was agitating her and although we also asked him to not visit for a while, he continued to visit and even admitted he was doing it for selfish reasons) and we took his car away (he was becoming a danger, driving while taking pain pills and the car was actually ours that we had let them use for years and is still in our name and our insurance.) Now they are in the veteran's home together but in quarantine for 2 weeks and he is calling myself and my brother saying he's going to take us to court for elder abuse (on the phone I pay for by the way.) My brother and I have POA over our mom and we want nothing to do with my dad anymore. Can he take us to court? He signed the application to go into the home and filled it out so we did not force him to move in.
Tell him that you are so sorry for the illness visited upon them, but that this is the only answer you can find. And as to being thrown into a prison for doing best you can for your parents, no, I don't think a lawyer will take that case. IF someone visits tell them the truth as you have told us. This is a miserable way to end life; it is why so many seniors long for death. And quite honestly, we live to long, are made to do all the circles of hell before we are allowed to rest. That, as a lifelong nurse, and as a woman now 78 with a partner 80, having seen my brother live out his last year at 85, is what I believe.
Also sounds like a huge amount of denial (or lack of understanding) about Mom's Dementia. LBD is a terrible type & can progress fast.
I am so sorry you are going though this.
Dad needs some healthy ways to extress his anger. Also a huge reality pill - best delivered by his Doctor & an understanding Psychologist. This is a major life change for him & as such, he will benefit from support from the right professionals. Put them in touch with him, then give him some space.