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I was never the proverbial daddy's little girl but we got along well when I was younger. He never laughs and talks with me like he does with the respite caregiver. He does, however, fight me and belittle me. I know I get crabby sometimes but I'm with him all day and the caregiver is only there for a few hours.

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@pamstegma, you're righy on the money; she had to put an extra large pillow in the middle because Dad was scooting over. That's why I'm putting an end to it probably.
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Again, great answers, thank you! To clarify the sleeping arrangements, the caregiver has a full time day job and cannot sit in a chair all night watching him. She does get up numerous times during the night with him to help into the bathroom and such. I'm probably going to get a baby monitor so she can be down the hall in the living room (we put a king bed in there and turned it into a bedroom for when my brother comes up from Portland).
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ha haha I told you so. The old Flirt!
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She has been sleeping on the other side of the king size bed. Why is she sleeping with him. Donèt understand that one.
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It's a bit as though you're the parent who makes him eat his greens and do his schoolwork, while she's the absent parent who flies in with candy and presents. What she does is fun, what you do is important. I share your "well humph!" feelings, but don't lose sight of your real value to your father.

Also, it is a reassuring thing that you have respite care from a person who genuinely does care about her work, and has deep-rooted reasons for it.

You don't have to accept put-downs without comment. Every time he comes out with one, tell him he's doing it in whatever formula of words suits you: "don't say that, Dad, it's hurtful and unfair," for example.

The fighting you is harder: all you can do is check that any given battle is worth the trouble it causes. Discard ruthlessly any you don't really need to have.
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Good answers, thanks. I will add that she has been sleeping on the other side of the king size bed and brings hin hot tea in the middle of the night. She pampers him, since she lost her dad to cancer a few years ago.
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No baggage with the caseworker. No years of emotional entanglement. Plus, he may find her attractive, the old flirt!
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Your Dad might be lonely and wants to talk to someone besides his daughter. So he will perk up and be friendly with the respite caregiver. Plus people tend to be more opened with strangers then with family.

I think that is one reason why it is so good for elders to be around people of their own age group. I noticed my Dad is a lot happier since he moved into Independent Living, but I realize that not everyone is able to make such a move.
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