They have been married 42 yrs. I tried to tell her that I felt like he was lonely and was mistaken this for friendship, she will not believe me. He has been here for almost a yr and this is just now happening. I take her to see him 3 times a week.
Oh your poor mom !!! That would be devastating - no matter how much you remind her about his dementia. I feel your pain - and hers. Even though it's not "correct" I would remind him that his thoughts are not right and that his brain is not working correctly. Perhaps that will save your mom's feelings. He'll forget anyway. What a dilemma :(
This question is missing some important details such as a dementia diagnosis. I have seen this before and it is difficult for a spouse to understand. I assume he is in a nursing facility and foremost, you have placed him there because he needed more care that could be offered at home to keep him safe. The nursing staff are responsible to provide care and many become very closely attached to their patients. After all, you would rather he feel loved than hate every minute of every day because he was in a facility. I would suggest you talk with Social Services and have a meeting with the nurse in question to explain your concerns. The facility should be able to make some adjustments and if the nurse is aware, she should be take efforts to be professional and keep friendships in proper order. If dementia is an issue, I have seen men (and women) who don't realize how old they are and think of themselves as younger person. It's not their fault, but it is still difficult for families to understand. Again, I suggest talking to Social Services at the facility. They will help counsel your mother and since it's coming from a medical professional, she may accept the answer better. I wish you the best!
One of my dear neighbors had Alzheimer's. At some point he was placed in a nursing home. While there he "fell in love with and planned to marry" another patient. His wife just laughed at the entire situation.
My poor neighbor was a really cute and sweet man. Very nice. Married for a 100 years to his wife. She was able to realize that the man she married was long gone.
Another neighbor's mom started showing signs of Alzheimer's as well. But before she could be treated for that she developed leukemia. Just before she passed she told my neighbor, her daughter, what a hussy she was and how great her son in law was. Just broke my neighbor's heart. Her mother would never have said or thought anything of the sort if she had been in her right mind. This was not her mom speaking.
We have to remember this could someday be us and would we want to be held responsible for the crazy things we say or do due to dementia or Alzheimer's? I know i don't.
There's a male nurse at my mother's NH and when he deals with her she bats her eyelashes, giggles and flirts with him. In her demented state she doesn't see that he's VERY VERY openly gay. Makes me chuckle but it's sad really. Of course she bad mouths the female nurses all the time.
There's a sweet movie called "Away from Her," with Julie Christie, about a couple dealing with the wife's Alzheimer's and her "falling in love" with another resident of her nursing facility. I don't know if it would help your mother to see it, but it might help you.
My friend (male) had a 94 yr old dad who a a traumatic brain injury from a fall on his tiles in the home. I also smashed my patella there helping his 93 yr old mom move out of the same house and fell in the same area. Trivia crap. Daddio ended up in the hospital, flirted with all the nurses, told me he would marry me but he still had a wife. I stayed with him when he was dying, stroked his head and we had eye contact, he did look fairly peaceful. Stayed for an hour for someone to pronounce him, his own son had left immediately. Still thankful, wasn't home from HS yet when my dad died and was very grateful for the chance to be at the right place at the right time.
Even though it's not "correct" I would remind him that his thoughts are not right and that his brain is not working correctly. Perhaps that will save your mom's feelings. He'll forget anyway. What a dilemma :(
If dementia is an issue, I have seen men (and women) who don't realize how old they are and think of themselves as younger person. It's not their fault, but it is still difficult for families to understand. Again, I suggest talking to Social Services at the facility. They will help counsel your mother and since it's coming from a medical professional, she may accept the answer better. I wish you the best!
My poor neighbor was a really cute and sweet man. Very nice. Married for a 100 years to his wife. She was able to realize that the man she married was long gone.
Another neighbor's mom started showing signs of Alzheimer's as well. But before she could be treated for that she developed leukemia. Just before she passed she told my neighbor, her daughter, what a hussy she was and how great her son in law was. Just broke my neighbor's heart. Her mother would never have said or thought anything of the sort if she had been in her right mind. This was not her mom speaking.
We have to remember this could someday be us and would we want to be held responsible for the crazy things we say or do due to dementia or Alzheimer's? I know i don't.