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My husband and I just moved my 80 year-old dad from Texas (where he has lived most of his life and alone for the past 30+ years) to live with us in Florida due to his recent diagnosis of Stage III Vascular Dementia. He was always very stubborn and independent and up until he began to really notice himself that he was having issues, was staunchly against moving her and most of all, moving in with his adult children. Between my younger sister and I (who will be moving here with her family as well), along with my husband, we feel we can continue to care for him and perhaps give him a better quality of life than he was previously living in the small travel trailer he called home. The doctor warned us that he would decline with the move but to see him sleeping so long each and every day has me concerned. His typical day has always started at around 4 a.m. when he would arise, drink a pot of coffee and cook himself breakfast, all before sunrise. Then he would get out and walk anywhere from 3-7 miles along the country road he'd lived on the past 16 years. He's visited us before and walked our neighborhood with no problem but now it seems he has lost his desire to get up early and get going. I work during the day and have a friend coming over mid-afternoon to "walk the dogs" and while there, visit with him and check on him for me - I'm hoping that will help him break up the day. But it seems once he gets up and dressed, all he does is sit in the recliner and watch TV and doze most all of the time. We only got home with him 6 days ago and I'm hoping things will improve as the doctor said they would after his first month. I know there were a lot of changes for him to process; the sale of his trailer, sale of his truck (and therefore loss of his driving - shouldn't have been driving anyway), and an entirely new state, home, routine, surroundings, etc. It's just so hard seeing the decline right now. He is indeed much better off with us as the climate suits him better and the scenery and lack of strong winds seem to make him somewhat happy to be away from; I just hope we didn't make a mistake by making so many changes at one time. Anyone have similar experiences they can share with positive outcome?

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You are do right, take one day at a time. Isn't it all worth it when they come back even if just for a few moments? You knowing that your dad appreciates all that you do is worth it. Something to hold onto during the hard times. I really think you will be ok on this journey with your dad because you are doing it out of love. 💗
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What a roller coaster ride this all is for us here, huh? I am learning to just go witht he flow because there is obviously nothing I can control here. After an entire day in the ER, my dad was finally admitted to a bed at the Veteran's hospital last night around 8 p.m. Getting him snug in bed in pajamas and then leaving him there was one of the hardest things I have had to do - my heart ached so much in leaving him "alone" there without me . . . and here I've only been at this for less than two weeks and I'm "hooked!" Yes, the truth of the matter is that I have accepted this role as caregiver and am wearing it with pride, in spite of the obvious challenges I am already having.

Dad's sodium levels are low but he also suffers from high blood pressure problems so his care team at the hospital want to try to find a way to balance out the issues before they let him come back home. I do hope he can get out today - I am at work this morning but will head up there at lunch to stay the remainder of the day. My emotions are up and down since last night - crying one minute and okay the next - as I think about the road ahead. I know eventually things will be even worse but I'm seeing more and more that I must simply take things a day at a time rather than become overwhelmed with thoughts of what the future will hold. One thing is for certain: I love my dad in a way I hadn't known before and am realizing how closely this resembles the love we have for our kids. Our parents indeed become our "kids" with this kind of thing and in our role as caregiver to them, at least in my case, I simply feel the need to exhibit such unconditional love to him! Yesterday while waiting in the ER, he became frustrated with the actions of one of the doctors and declared it to me once the doctor left the room. He was lashing out and expressing his feelings of anger, seeming to direct them at me. At first, I wasn't sure how to take it as he had been calm for most of the day until then, but then I realized that it wasn't me he was angry with. I allowed him to vent, quietly sitting and making eye contact as best I could with him. I became silent because if I had opened my mouth, the tears would have poured out. Once he calmed down, got something to eat, and then settled back into the bed (to once again play the waiting game), he became somewhat quiet and said to me "I'm sorry you have to put up with my words." I asked what he meant and he told me that he knew he had been mean to me with his words and that he was sorry; that he appreciates all I do for him and couldn't make it without me. I walked over, placed his face between my hands, gave him a kiss on his cheek and told him it was okay; that I understood his frustrations and that it didn't matter. I love him no matter what and will always be here for him. At that moment, I knew the unconditional love for my dad will only continue - as much as my heart aches for the man who used to be in his body, the disease has made him less proud, more humble and more willing to show the side of him that lets me know that my new role, one way or another, will bring a sense of purpose to my own life . . . thank you all for sharing your own journeys. I am so happy to be here where I can openly share these feelings with others I know will understand. Have a wonderful day:)
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A-lassie, why are you allowing her to completely control your life? You have one, too, you ought to remember. Make rules and abide by them. After all, IT WON'T KILL HER!!! lol You've got to have a sense of humor also.....
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My husband has gradually lost interest in so many activities as this disease has progressed. It becomes a fine line as to when just let go with the attempts to motivate him to be more physically and mentally active, especially if it appears to become stressful mentally or physically. So if he wants to watch TV for hours, read the same page over each day,, Wipe off the kitchen counter many times throughout the day, straight up scraps of paper, line up pencils., at least, I think he feels he's accomplishing and I'll express to him appreciation "having the cleanest kitchen counters ever. A lot of this is obsessive behavior, but it seems to give him some comfort and release from boredom. At times I feel I've not done enough to push/ encourage him to be more physically and/or mentally active. But when it becomes more of a struggle and potential conflict leading to an angry outburst of me "being a control freak", I gladly let it go..as long as it's isafe to do so...just let it be. I'm in this for the long hall, and sometimes have to be a bit lazy (let it be) , in order not to emotionally burn out.
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You are doing a wonderful job. i find it so hard to believe I'm now my mums, mum. Its very hard to see your parents going childlike, I totally understand. I get so down and worry about what will happen down the road. But my husband is my rock and we still have our time when we can. I always say that I wont be a burden on my sons and daughter in laws and I now see how this is sky rocketting with all of us baby boomers. Boy just when you get your kids off of your hands the next phase of life kicks in HUH? talk freely on here anytime. I'm new to this too and it feels very good to vent.
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My first time posting, so not sure if I'm doing it right, so this will be short.
I was inspired with your comments. What a journey this is ! You are so open with your stress, sadness, frustration...and strength. I learn so much about "ways of dealing with IT..." And feel maybe I'm not such a failure as a caregiver to my 81yr. old husband..going on 7 yrs. now, but fortunately a fairly slow progression until this past year.
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VickiRA, glad you will hopefully be getting dad thoroughly checked out.
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hello my mum is 87 and the only issue she has is being very deaf. But in the last year its like she has lost her will to live. she also sleeps most of the day in her room on her chair. I try to take her out most days to the shops or malls and she asks to just sit in the car, and she is asleep when I hurry back to her. She makes no conversation. She only talks about TV shows or old memories. She is argumentive when we say that some things she is telling us is incorrect. Its almost like my mum is getting nasty and not the loving lady that every one loved to be around. We include her in all of our dinner parties and visitors etc. She just isnt interested at all. She says hello and then goes to her room. Your are not alone believe me. Its really hard to have a time out on a vacation now as she wont even think of having a care giver or anyone look in on her. So we are in a real bind now for getting a break. I think that going into a seniors home would be the best for her when she still has her facalities and can make friends her own age. But she will not go and makes us feel so mean when we even approach the subject.
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Is your dad on statins? There is growing evidence that statins do more harm than good. See the following article, “Japanese Research Exposes Statin Scam: People with High Cholesterol Live Longer.”

healthimpactnews/2015/japanese-research-exposes-statin-scam-people-with-high-cholesterol-live-longer/#sthash.SXWcXOxu.dpuf

Is your dad on a low-fat diet? There is no scientific evidence that a low-fat diet promotes health or longevity. The medical establishment arrived at that conclusion by medical consensus, not scientific research.

The brain is about 60% fat and needs dietary fat to be healthy. A high-carbohydrate, low-fat diet is very harmful and often leads to various sorts of brain disorders, including dementia. Conversely, a low-carbohydrate, high-fat diet – also known as the ketogenic diet -- can improve cognitive impairment. (The ketogenic diet also helps with brain tumors, epilepsy, diabetes, and other ailments.) The article “Ketogenic Diet Shows Promising Results for All Dementia Stages” is just one of many articles discussing this:

naturalhealthadvisory/daily/cognitive-decline-and-memory-issues/ketogenic-diet-shows-promising-results-for-all-dementia-stages/

Consider talking to a naturopath who is familiar with the ketogenic diet. Big Pharma-supported medical practitioners, on the other hand, are not taught the latest in dietary research. Though well intentioned (I hope), they are caught up in pushing bad drugs.
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The woman I help with, moved here from Seattle in November. She did pretty well in the beginning, but most days now - she sleeps from breakfast to lunch, lunch to dinner and dinner until bed and all night. We signed her up an adult daycare - which she fought at first, but now goes willingly 2x a week. We have a live-in caregiver so we can get breaks, but she wants someone sitting right there with her 16 hours per day - sleeping or not. It's impossible. Now she's started asking us to do everything for her (mostly her son), even though she's perfectly capable to do it herself. We have to say no and leave - that's hard, but she always ends up doing it. So sometimes, her sleeping all day feels like a blessing - as bad at that sounds.
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I'm feeling JoAnn29's comment. I moved my aunt from Portland, OR to the west coast of Florida three plus years ago. At first, she was oh so combative! Told me in a fit one of the first days being here, "I AM NOT BEHOLDEN TO YOU!!!" Sadly, she IS. And, since then she has declined immensely. I am fortunate that she WAS a know it all, highly opinionated, snob and NO LONGER IS!! She is happy and loving. Can't figure that one out, but I am grateful to the max!! Your Dad is going to get better and happier by the day, I just know it!!! You are doing everything right!! Good days to you and your father!!
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Well here we are in the VA ER - doctor called and said the blood work from Thursday showed he has extremely low sodium and to get him back in here. Just had an EKG and waiting for the next step. This could explain his constant fatigue and leg weakness from what I understand about it.
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It is strange how they sleep deeply in their chair and suddenly wake up and are alive and well. Give it time. Would he be happy visiting the Senior Center for lunch or spending a couple of hours with "the guys" at the Senior Center or some place where seniors gather? It sounds like he is alone most of the day. Is that correct? My partner is so dependent upon me being there that when I go to the store or any errand, I am specific about the time I will be gone. I can usually judge how long a certain errand will run. He has his watch and I am not sure he checks it, but he knows I will return shortly. I also call him once in the middle of my errand and again when I am on my way home. It is a personality thing with him. He cannot be alone.. Maybe your dad has moved into a different phase where he wants someone around him at all times. While he was living away from you, he may have established in his mind that he was alone and made it work. Moving might have changed this. Just a thought!
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Yesterday I googled "Increased sleeping due to alzheimer's" and stumbled upon this site. It has been a blessing, although I've spent nearly 24 hours in the "Whine-a-day" section which is helping Me if not Mom!

The three things the doctor has warned us about are: 1) The danger of pneumonia. Mom wants to stay in bed, 18+ hours a day. 2) Decreased mobility due lack of exercise and 3) Dr. says that to stay in that "cocoon" of her bed will result in lack of brain use (I'm sure he said it more technically) because there is limited interation, conversation, stimulus. She goes to heart doc, kidney doc and primary care physician for one reason only: to get one of them to prescribe complete bed rest. This last attempt backfired on her as it resulted in primary care doctor sending Occupation Therapist and Physical Therapist to her house for the past six weeks. She is NOT a happy camper. It is an increasing battle for me because she has no hesitation about getting angry with me for all of this. I am, indeed, a weary one. I hope you can keep him up and about, because the other choice is a long downhill slide.
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When your friend wants to work a puzzle w/him if he seems uninterested try 60 or 100 pcs. My dementia husband used to do 300 pc then got frustrated so 100 pc he loves even if kids puzzle. Your dad is so much more alert than my husband.who doesn't remember he did same puzzle day before.
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There is no more "normal" for you. I am caring for both my parents in different stages of dementia. They have been married 70 1/2 years now! No two days are ever alike. One day my dad eats all day - other days he will only drink Ensure. One day he is obsessed with Dr. Oz. The next, not so much. He will not go to bed before midnight and will not let my mom go to bed before he does. You will need to learn to flow with this. You cannot take anything personally. Their brains no longer work like ours do. What seems strange or terrifying to us (waking up and not knowing where you are!) does not affect someone with dementia the same way. My dad has become childlike with pets and young children so we bring our dog to visit all the time. It gets him awake and moving and interacting. I don't fight him when he wants to sleep or eat only chocolate. At 89 I don't think he has to do anything he does not want to do. My mom also, tho she is still in the early stages and realizes her mind is "frizzin'" as she says. My dad does realize that something has happened to him. He and my mom tell me how lucky they are that we are taking such good care of them, all the time.

One night I was staying with them and he woke up about 3am and walked into the living room where I was and asked me how long he has had dementia. I was shocked how clear he was about everyhting that was happening.
This was 6 years after his dementia was diagnosed! We talked all night. His last words were - "I hate to go back to bed because I know I will not remember this in the morning and you have made it so clear to me." I see that as a gift to me from him.

There are so many of us going through the same trials now with our aging parents. Keep reaching out for kind words and advice. Remember to not take it personally. They would not behave this way if they could help it. Treat them as you would want to be treated in the same situation because chances are, if we live long enough, we too will need assistance.
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Big moves and changes are totally exhausting especially for the elderly so the sleeping is to be expected. Give him a couple of weeks then suggest he come with you to walk the dogs. Walk around the neighborhoood and show him different routes avoiding busy streets. maybe include the grocery store, public library and other places that may interest him. Don't try and force him to get up and dress, give him an incentive, like going for a haircut or picking up a prescrition. If he is not interested maybe say you can't take the dogs into the post office and it would be very helpful if he holds them for you. Does he have his own space rather than sharing yours. It won't need to be large as he is used to living probably less than 100 sq feet. Try and include coffee pot, microwave and fridge and shelves for his own books and nick knacks. A little home within a home where he can retreat and be alone. That is what he is used to and your living room is like a hotel room to him even if he is alone for long periods it is not "His" Give him the opportunities to socialize but try and make it seem like his idea. If he enjoys for example bingo go with him and have fun together. If you hate it after a few times he will be prepared to go alone. He has been through a lot and if he wants to sit and sleep in front of the TV leave the poor old guy alone he has just suffered a great loss only second to loosing his wife.
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Hope I can say this right

People get old. Their brains no longer tell them to eat or drink. They tire more easily and when they eat it's not a lot since they don't do like they used to and don't need the calories. They lose their independence so of course they aren't happy. So depressed. They r winding down. They do sleep a lot. We aren't going to have them forever. And for some of us we aren't going to be able to care for them.
I don't understand why we try to fix something that is a natural progression. We age we pass. My Mom has Dementia. I hate seeing her this way and pray she will not go thru the whole process where she no longer knows who anyone is, can't do anything for herself and sits and looks at walls.
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Thank you all for your encouraging ideas and advice. I ended up having to take him in to the VA ER last Thursday as he had a cough and congestion that concerned me. The doctor there thoroughly checked him out and they did do the blood work which we haven't received word back on yet. She prescribed antibiotics which has seemed to knock that part of his "sickness" out but he says he feels weak in the legs. I think at this point and after another weekend home with him, there is definitely some depression going on but he does have moments of quick wit and laughter. It seems that perhaps this will just be his new routine from now on - even he said that to me - so my way of dealing with him has been to give him lots of hugs, kisses and affection; tell him how very happy it makes me that he is living with us and keeping us company; assisting him with his medications, making meals, and spending available quality time on our back patio each afternoon where we have lots of ducks, birds, squirrels come up to feed. He seem to really enjoy that. (and finally last night, he allowed our chihuahua up in his lap and the two of them were "dozing" together.) The pattern of sleeping later and napping throughout the day seems to just be the "new normal" for him. I guess the only thing now concerning me is that he will never get back out to do the walking that I believe has kept him going for so many years. Of course, it could be that he was doing that because he had nothing better to do and now he has us:) Whatever the case, it's getting a little easier to accept the changes and I'm hoping that after we get to his primary care doctor next week for a complete "reckoning" of things, all of my concerns will be put to rest and all of us will just get used to our new routines. My friend who is coming over for a couple hours each day in the week wants to involve him in doing puzzles, card games, and looking at old photos, in addition to the western movie watching so I hope the little companionship she gives him through the week will also be good for him.
I guess as with anything else so new, we will take things a day at a time. I know that eventually, his condition will worsen but I plan to enjoy him as much as I can each and every day I have him "with" us. I'm getting used to repeating myself as well as showing him where his room or the bathroom is multiple times and I've learned that I have much more patience than I had ever believed possible. I guess we learn as much about ourselves through this as we do about them:) Thank you all again!!!
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My twin's husband who is 74 sleeps most of the time. He has gotten in a pattern of sitting or sleeping most of the time. He has no energy now and walks with much labor because he has been so inactive for so many years.
The more you can get him up and out the stronger he will remain.
But there is only so much you can do. If he has no purpose he will decline and this is his choice. It's hard to watch but if he doesn't respond you must accept and not feel it's your fault or that it should be different.
my sis has just accepted that her husband chooses to sit there and she goes on with her life. she has to or she would get more and more frustratee and resentful.
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If he realizes that he is having cognitive impairment, he might be afraid to wander out for a walk in an unfamiliar environment. This could be especially true since his 'walk time' might be before sunrise.
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My wife started sleeping long hours, doctor changed her medication to Namenda and it helped. She was also on an anti-depressant and took her off and improvement. Talk to his doctor about the side effects of his medications. I did.
If your dad enjoys watching tv great if it makes him happy, if he has the ability to play simple card games with you, he may also enjoy the time spent.
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Sounds like he is depressed. That was a huge move for your Dad. Your intentions to give him a better environment may not be the way he sees it. With this change its going to take some time for him to adjust. Perhaps you could try to re-establish some of his old routines with getting up early and having coffee with him. He may want to find a safe place in which to walk every morning. Reassure him that you want the best for him and tell him how important he is to you and how you will treasure this time with him. You may also want to have him get a physical and blood work up to be sure he isnt low on iron or B12. My 87 year old Mom sleeps quite a bit too but mainlly from the iron deficiency anemia she has. She is also starting with signs of dementia as well. Older people do not like change but maybe giving him some odd jobs around the house that he can do and feel good about could also motivate him. Good luck with your Dad.
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Was there a change in medication along with this move.
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People with dementia, especially as it advances, tend to forget their own ordinary routines. When my dad was living with us, I had to get him going each morning -- tell him to get dressed, help him in doing so, make his breakfast and get him to take his medications. Even after all that was completed, he'd often default to sitting and watching TV for most of the day. I had to check on him frequently thoughtout the day, make sure he was changed and clean (due to incontinence), and utlimately hired aides to come several days per week to help him -- even though I work from home. Caring for an elder with dementia is an increasingly demanding and difficult job, and he will eventually need to be heped hour to hour.
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Can you plan some things for him rather then leaving it up to him what he is doing during the day? Maybe give him a few jobs? Empty dishwasher, fold towels in dryer. If he read the newspaper, get him the one from his old home area. Take him for a walk after dinner. He could also be depressed and this might be something you may want to look into. It is still very early in the transition from his home to yours, maybe he just needs more time to adjust.
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The way I look at it is....he is better off with you. The sleeping will taper off as time goes by. Dementia loved ones have their ups and downs. Many times I thought my father, who lives with us , was dying cause of the constant sleeping. Then all of a sudden he would perk up and wander around and laugh at the tv. He also would eat better. So this seems to be his pattern. I also have him on a low dose of Sam E to combat any depression. My mom died 8 yrs ago and he still grieves for her. Be patient and know you have chosen the better part.
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