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My dad shifted across the road from us to our town as mum needed to go into care for Alzheimer's and our area had vacancies. It's been two years. Now I've lost my job and our area is extremely difficult to find jobs. But I'm trying very hard. Also I am the youngest of 7 have four children of my own and a marriage that nearly ended due to difficulties in 2011. We are now happy in our relationship but are struggling financially. My husband can get a promotion but it involves shifting to the country (2or 3hours away). Two of My children are at secondary, ones at uni (self sufficient) and ones having a gap year. Our family has always had a dream to live in the country but I'm riddled with guilt at leaving my dad. He had 12 stents but is really healthy and self sufficient but apart from making friends at the aged care centre when he visits and feeds mum - he has only got us. My six siblings said he would make friends, join bowls etc but he hasn't and has refused people's offers/invites . I cook a little for him and have him for tea regularly and I feed mum a couple of times a week too. It isn't enough...I know. My six older siblings don't visit very often and all have their own lives. When dad shifted across from us we always said there's a chance we'd shift cause of my husbands work one day but I don't think my dad thought it would ever happen My question is....is it mean and selfish to leave my dad and follow my husbands career goals and my children's dream of country living. Compared to many of the stories I have read on this forum I sound so pathetic I know as we haven't had it as tough. Also if we shift I am prepared to travel back to dad every weekend and stay the night with him, see mum and have quality time with them both. I am so tormented by this decision and have been having nightmares of dad laying on the floor having a heart attack with me 3 hours away..😟 Has anyone any thoughts, advice thank you for reading this

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Thank you - yes the other neighbours watch out for him if we are away and if he doesn't show up to visit mum the aged care staff worry and ring me. He won't get one if those alarms but maybe I could convince him if we do shift - that would definetly all be peace of mind ideas. Thank you Pamstegma
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Dad's focus is obviously your mum. Would your neighbors be willing to watch out for him and call you if he is not seen out and about? Would the staff at the nursing home do the same? Do your emergency responders know about his health conditions and how to reach you by phone? All those little things could add up to give you peace of mind.
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Thank you Eyerishlass you're advice is refreshing- we haven't told Dad yet as we thought it's no use worrying him in case my husband misses out on the jobs he's applying for. My husbands sister lives locally and thinks we are dreadful to move away so it's nice to heat another perspective - bless you ....
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I think you have to do what's right for your own family. I don't think it's mean or selfish. How does your dad feel about your moving?

At some point in the maybe-not-too-distant future your dad may require more care than he needs now. It might be a good idea for you and your husband to have a plan for when that happens. Until then make your move and live your life!
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