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Sounds like needs to be. More socialable...can he go the a Respite daycare where he can be with others his age...sounds like he's lonely so he complains to get attention
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Reply to Boots1944
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Reading all the other answers here - like OP I don't think just giving orders is the answer, or being bossy, I think you have to be a bit more psychological and manage things as in my original answer. I think we all see a change in behaviour is necessary, but I would rather see the behaviour changed by showing it to be incorrect than penalising the patient in this particular type of behaviour.
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My mother was like this - what in the past we would call Munchausen's syndrome. She also claims a great long list of drugs to which she is allergic. It is all in her case total b********s. She has minor intolerances to certain antibiotics- sort of give her diarrhea, or make her feel nauseous and has historically conned her Dr into giving her up to 12 lots of antibiotics a year for UTI because symptoms are so easy to claim - along with other medical problems. (She does not have a real problem because the UTI bugs she has are drug resistant so she has to go into hospital to have IV if she gets one - interestingly she hasn't claimed to have one since Dr told her that.)
We have had to deal with this "liking attention from being sick" by running in house tests, temperature, urine testing and dealing with Dr only when we get necessary results. Pain - if she hasn't taken her paracetamol 4 times a day then we cannot do anything because she isn't following Dr instructions. Drugs making her sick - we simply use an alternative brand name or the generic name - amazing how these don't have same effect. Its a psychological management issue FOR MY MOTHER - doesn't mean it is the same for your father but it is worth documenting problems and seeing if you are looking at a psychological pattern of attention seeking not real medical issues.
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Reply to TaylorUK
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I am guessing your father is afraid and confused and doesn't like what is happening. If you truly are doing everything possible for him with the help of doctors and medication, then you have to get tough with him. Tell him in no uncertain terms this or that is the best known, proven procedure and like it or not, he is going to have to accept that. If he refuses, tell him he will be on his own without you and without help from anyone. Let him rant and rave and complain. Tell him to stop the negative behavior at once and then walk away and keep walking away until this stops. Sometimes this is what it takes to have some peace for the caretaker.
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Reply to Riley2166
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my2cents Aug 9, 2019
I have noticed that many of your replies contain similar advice: Tell patient under no uncertain terms...if patient does not comply with a directive, walk away, etc.

Directives to someone who has dementia or having problems dealing with losing ability to do things they used to do for themselves are not, in most cases, practical. It's just not possible to most caregivers to walk away. It's pretty much impossible to convince a breaking mind to stop saying or doing things that annoy others.

Perhaps these methods of dealing with issues worked for the situation you had to handle, but for the most part turning on the cold heart will not work for others. Is it possible that you have left over anger from a previous caregiving role? I don't intend for that to sound rude, just asking if that could be a possibility.
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This may be a real condition and anxiety driven, i.e. I recently found out I had a possible heart condition, so naturally I am more anxious about it. I don't know of anyone who actually likes to be ill, but best to check with his physician on what could be done about it, e.g. maybe his physician will place him on a medication for the condition.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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When my MIL got sick, my FIL became acutely and severely anxious. He started finding problems for solutions. I believe he wanted attention. He never accepted her illness, how it impacted her, and made it all about how it affected him. Now, he's like your dad - always finding problems - and yet not compliant with his medications for depression or anxiety because, let's face it, that would solve most of his problems and then what would he do with himself?

Based on my experience with my FIL, I would not try to fix imaginary problems. Do not get sucked into his need for attention. If there's something really wrong with him, that's different, but if he's not compliant with meds and therapies, there's little you or anyone can do for him.

Also, consider scheduling him for a geriatric consult including psych, and finding him a support group for spouses of patients with Alzheimer's. It can't be easy for him with your mom.
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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my mom used to do that. I figured out after a while it was for attention. she just wanted me by her side and did any thing to get me there.
my dad was also sick at the time and was far worse than my mom.
mom couldn't understand why more time went to daddy than her.
explaining it was useless because she would forget what I said five minutes later.
one day I ordered her one of those kiddie stuffed animals that light up all different colors. from that day o she stopped complaining . so each week I ordered her a new one and she played and talked to her lighted stuff animals, day and night..........
thank god...........................
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Reply to lizzy1952
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My grandma used to pull that type of crap. Shes diabetic and would screw with her diet to spike sugar. As soon as she hit her vacation home (the hospital), pain was running down her arm, etc, etc. She lives 2 hours away so the hospital there would mess with meds, then her cardiologist here would have to place her down here to fix the mess. This would happen twice a year.

My mom, a nurse at the hospital here, blew up at her and told her no one was going to cater to her drama. She told everyone in the family to ignore her and forbid everyone from visiting or talking to her when she was pulling her shit. She hasnt been to the hospital since.
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againx100 Aug 5, 2019
Guess it's good that she finally listened to reason.

We had a much smaller issue with MIL. She doesn't always use her walker properly and, as such, has a few falls. She was calling on her lifeline for an ambulance, even when she was not injured. We finally got through to her, that no, "just" falling was NOT a valid reason to get an ambulance ride to the hospital. Lots of blood? Severe pain? By all means, push that button. But otherwise, don't be ridiculous.
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If the meds he has taken in the past, even if it's Advil, have "worked", perhaps he's looking to the meds he's prescribed now as returning him some "original health state." This is how my mother is. She says the meds are a "waste of money". But without meds her dementia is untenable -- paranoia, anger, inability to focus. She would never say the meds are "working" because if they were, she'd be home taking care of her house and feeding the dogs (that have been dead 25 years!). Perhaps your father has this same measure of medications -- if they were working, why would he still be in the state he's in-- surely, there must be something better.
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Jannner Aug 5, 2019
Excellent observation. I’m going thru this with my mother and siblings. She has advanced macular degeneration in both eyes, moderate vision loss in one , complete loss in the other but all of them think her glasses prescription is wrong lol! I’ve explained exactly what the retinal specialist told me and nope, to them it has to be the glasses🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
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Need more about Dad's baseline. Hypochrondria exists both within and without Alzheimers, but I am not clear where Dad is on the spectrum. Time to get varicolored Jelly beans for a pill bottle?
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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My grandfather had dementia and was like this. He LOVED going to doctors! It was something to do, an outing, for him. He did have some legit medical issues before dementia took hold-- heart problems, high BP, emphysema from smoking most of his life.

One time he said he had something to tell us, and looked all serious. Then he says "I have cancer." We all just looked at him for a second and I asked him if a doctor had told him he has cancer. "No, but this pain in my throat, it's gotta be cancer!". We just rolled our eyes and let it go.

When he was no longer able to drive, he'd come up with all kinds of excuses to see a doctor. Half the time he'd leave with maybe some drug samples and nothing else. We had to stop taking him unless we could tell something was genuinely wrong.

So... my experience is it's just attention seeking and always thinking the worst. Not much we could do about it besides not taking him to the doctor every other day.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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NeedHelpWithMom Aug 2, 2019
Yes, my mom has that kind of negativity too. Always assuming the worst...

Hard to deal with, isn’t it? I started feeling as you did. If it is a true emergency then we handle it. If not, it gets put on the side. She loves if others worry with her. No thanks, not good for my health.
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Mitziv, can you please give more specifics, like: how hold is your dad? What is his cognitive condition? I see in your profile you're caring for your mom...is your dad helping you? Are you all together in a house? Thanks!
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